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_SOL #2509418 05/15/11 04:52 AM
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They feel that way directly in response to how she has treated them the past two years.

A while back in your thread I speculated as to the possibility that there was perhaps something pathological going on with Pinky upstairs, and I really do wonder how your kids were treated while you were deployed if she stayed online all day long. I think there's more than meets the eye in your exwife's case, SoL, more than just a garden variety wayward. It's too bad for your kids that their mother seems to be so apathetic towards them, but it's good that they have a strong father.

Just a short while longer and she'll be out of your hair. Then you'll truly be free and be able to enjoy being in your own house without having to look at her and get pissed off all over again.


The one constant through all the years has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past. It reminds us of all that once was good, and it could be again.
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I am so glad for you that moving day is arriving and hoping you can soon have some closure. It has to be stressful to live in the same house when everything has already been decided and acted upon. May you soon be able to pop a cork! smile


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Thanks Kay, AJ, and Opt. Actually, the cork has been popped, so to speak. She hasn't slept in my house since Thursday, and it has been very nice. Now I haven't been home much either as I was working all weekend. Boys were at her parents all weekend.

Today I took the day off and took care of some stuff I needed to do around the house, got a haircut, got the dog washed, cleaned the bathrooms/kitchen and mowed the lawn. Once the boys came home we played some catch and then I took them out for a steak dinner, came back and watched some Simpsons. They just showered up and I need to go tuck them in, but I was checking in.

Today was absolutely GREAT. It was nice to do the things that needed to be done, for ME. Nice to clean MY house. Nice to take care of MY boys.

She still has a bit of moving left but it's essentially over. I have to travel for work this week and will be gone from tomorrow through Thursday. Pinky is going to come back to the house and stay here with the boys. It may seem strange, but I'm OK with this for now. She will finish packing/moving and take care of the boys and my dog while I'm gone the next couple days. Her new place isn't quite ready for the boys overnight as furniture still needs to be delivered.

When I come back Thursday night, she will be out permanently. Garage door opener and house keys turned in.

Did I mention how great this feels????


-SOL
_SOL #2510042 05/17/11 04:47 AM
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It'll only get better.

By the way, what breed is the dog? Focus on the very good.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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That is great to hear because it's feeling pretty good right now!

My dog is a big ole' American Bulldog. She is a real sweetheart.


-SOL
_SOL #2510336 05/17/11 05:15 PM
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Congratulations, SOL! I hear the relief and enjoyment coming through. smile


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American Bulldogs...they ARE sweethearts.

Last edited by karmasrose; 05/18/11 03:31 AM.

One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
_SOL #2512727 05/25/11 01:16 PM
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Americajin6 to SoL6, sitrep, over.

How's it going for you? Probbaly been a busy time for you the past week. How did your kids take the finality of their Mom moving out?

Do your kids have friends at school that live nearby? Time for a sleepover with age appropriate movies, pizza and homemade sundaes.


The one constant through all the years has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past. It reminds us of all that once was good, and it could be again.
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Hey AJ, read ya LC here.

Yes, it's been a pretty busy couple of weeks, but very good overall. Pinky moved out two weeks ago and hasn't slept in my house since. That has been wonderful. She found a place about 3/4 mile down the road which is good and bad. It's good for the boys because the close proximity is convenient, but it could be bad for the same reason w/Pinky. I drive past her place everyday to and from work. No big deal so far and no feelings associated with seeing it or her.

She took most of her 'stuff' that she wanted, but there is still quite a bit here that she needs to go through. We are planning a garage sale in the future so I see her point in not wanting to drag it all over to her place for now, but it still leaves that minor 'connection' to her and I don't like that. At least it's all junk that is in the basement that we have collected over the years. I will probably go through it and separate anything I want to keep and she will do the same eventually, and then we will sell or give away the rest.

I've been busy re-arranging a bit and purchasing the things that she took that I need to replace, such as a BBQ grill, and some pots and pans. I have to tell you that it feels really good to have her gone.

The boys seem to be doing pretty well overall too. Funny you mentioned the sleepover because that's exactly what happened this past weekend here. DS11 stayed at next door neighbor's and DS8 had a friend from church stay with us.

Her move seemed to go well and we had no conflicts so far. A couple things ticked me off but they were minor. I guess while she was still here and living in her 'cave', she decided to disable the door lock on the spare bedroom by filling the doorknob with hot glue. I did not know this and over the weekend one of the boys locked the door and closed it. I couldn't get it open and had to call Pinky to ask if she did something. She just said she did 'something and I wouldn't be able to open it." She then suggested I take it apart. Of course I would have if I had been on the INSIDE of the room!

I ended up getting all 11B on it with a hammer to knock the knob off and I saw what she had done. Eventually got it replaced but the craziness of it got me a bit angry. Apparently she didn't want me or the boys to be able to get in if she locked her door, although I never tried previously. Waywards....go figure.

So I'm pleased with the split and physical separation, but I am very disappointed with PInky's continued behavior. It's time to start documenting. I was hoping she would be true to her word and be more engaged and loving with the boys, but so far I'm just not seeing it. She's been gone for two weeks and the boys have only stayed at her place two nights, and that was when I was out of town for work. She is all set at her new place and has all her furniture and stuff, but she doesn't want the boys until June 6th.

Now I don't mind the extra time with my boys, but I just don't understand how and why she doesn't seem to want them. I have been pretty much their primary caregiver since I got home October 2009, other than when I was TDY for work. She took a 2 month 'vacation' to Australia. Came home and moved back in, but I was taking care of the boys 98% of the time while she was here. She moved out two weeks ago and doesn't want the boys for another two weeks.

What is most troubling is that I have my two week training 10-25 June and she was supposed to have the boys. She immediately 'pawned them off' to her parents for the whole two weeks. I have no issues with the boys staying with her parents, but am confused as to why she doesn't seem to want to have them. She lied to her mom and told her that it was in our divorce decree that they have the boys when I do my annual two week training (not true). So she has been home since early March, and will only have the boys for about 5 days in June before passing them off to her parents for two weeks. Then I will come home on the 25th and take them back for another week and THEN she will have her first 'full week' with the boys in early July.

I just don't get how what used to be a great mother can act that way towards her own wonderful children. I'm just frustrated with it because I know the boys can feel it and there isn't much I can do to help them. For now. I will document and if this trend continues, look into taking her back to court for full custody. But then again, I'm due to deploy again in March 2013. One day at a time I guess.

Another thing that bugs me a bit is that the boys have already met two of her 'dating partners'. She has called it off with Crocodile Dundee apparently, but is active on Match and dating other men. I don't care that she is dating, but I wish she would keep these guys out of the boys life/vision for a while. At least until she feels it may become a more serious relationship. I don't think she intentionally introduced them, but rather they stopped by while the boys were at her place. Although they don't stay there, after school she takes the boys until I come home from work and pick them up. One guy stopped by to drop off a pendant (guessing from a date or whatever) she had left, and another one was helping her hook up her washer and dryer. It's just the thoughtlessness and selfishness of it that bothers me.

As far as my dating goes, I'm still taking things very slowly. Primarily because I just don't have the time with having the boys all the time. I'm talking to three nice girls and have gone out a with one of them while I was out of town last week. Nothing serious or exclusive, and I'm very open and honest with all of them. I know I'll be OK in that department and I'm in no rush. It's actually kind of fun, I just don't have much time for it. To tell the truth, that's probably another reason I am frustrated with Pinky and her time with the boys. I could use a little break here too, but I know the boys will just watch movies or play video games with her. We do that too, but I do it WITH them among other things. I suspect as time goes by, the boys will continue to want to spend more time with me and that is just fine. I'll fit my 'dating' in when I can.

So today I'm off work. I went and had lunch with DS8 at his school and now I'm going to go through some of that 'junk' in the basement and continue setting up MY house!!

Have I mentioned how nice it is to not be in Limbo?

SOL..Out.


-SOL
_SOL #2513223 05/26/11 03:12 PM
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We've all said it before Limb, but it bears repeating:
Your kids are very lucky to have you.
opt

_SOL #2513249 05/26/11 04:21 PM
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Yes, thank God your boys have YOU!

Have you tried talking with her about your concerns about her introducing guys to your sons to men in her life too soon? It's pretty understood that it's not good to have all of these men in and out of their lives, they don't need exposed to her dating or drama. Until she has an idea that a guy might be more permanent, even as a friendship, she really shouldn't have them around your sons.

It's rather infuriating that she is manipulating her own parents with her lies. Maybe you could provide them with a copy of the decree so they know the truth, after all, they may be forming the opinion they have some legal rights to the boys that they don't have. I'd let them know you don't have any problem with them seeing them, in fact, it's good that they want to, but the legalities are not as they've been presented to them.

Beats me how she can be a good parent and then do such an abrupt change! I gave up everything to keep my kids just 1-2 more years when their dad and I divorced. I can't imagine a mother NOT wanting them, but I honestly feel, may the BEST parent get custody!!


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Thank you Opt.

Kay, we have talked about not introducing other people to the boys and I'll give her a little slack as I don't think these were planned visits with her 'friends'. I don't think she was telling the boys that these guys were boyfriends. I was just thinking she should not have allowed them to stop by when the boys were there this soon anyway. Maybe I'm being unrealistic there. I don't think they were there long and just stopped by while the boys happened to be there.

You are right and it's the continued lying to her parents that has me more concerned. Well, that and the apparent lack of desire to spend time with her children. Back in March when we drafted the parenting agreement I had sent a copy to her parents and mine, so that they would know who was supposed to have the boys on each holiday for their planning purposes. Her parents knew she was lying and that was why they contacted me and asked me about it.

I did tell her folks that I had no issues with them having the boys, but that I was as concerned as they were that Pinky was lying about the reasons why she wanted them to take the boys.


-SOL
_SOL #2513590 05/27/11 01:35 PM
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Originally Posted by _SOL
Well, that and the apparent lack of desire to spend time with her children.

This will do the most damage to the boys...they WILL notice. What is she thinking!!!


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_SOL #2513899 05/28/11 11:35 PM
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the apparent lack of desire to spend time with her children.


Her loss, your gain. Good luck trying to talk to her about it. Seems she wants to be footloose and fancy free and the kids would be an impediment.

Just out of the house two weeks and already more than one guy knows where she lives, one apparently returning something she left over at his place. She don't waste no time, does she?


The one constant through all the years has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past. It reminds us of all that once was good, and it could be again.
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No, she hasn't wasted much time, but as Kay says, her loss. I really do hope she comes around for the boys and gets out of this fog. There have been some minor positives. I've heard from two of her 'former' friends that she has reached out to them and talked with them. It's not much, but she may be trying to reconnect to real life friends. More importantly, she did take the boys Friday through Saturday and at least spent some time with them. They saw a movie and went swimming, so it was more than TV and video games. Boys seemed very happy when I got them back yesterday morning so that's encouraging.

I will watch closely and document regardless.

I hope everyone enjoys this beautiful day today. Take a moment sometime today and remember the fallen warriors who sacrificed all so that we could enjoy it in freedom to celebrate it any way we want.

I'm taking my boys to a Memorial Day ceremony at the local cemetery. After that we'll head over to the Legion for some pie. Then I have some yard work to catch up on and we will play some catch and go bike riding. It's finally not raining here and will be up around 90 and sunny! Should be a great day.


-SOL
_SOL #2514194 05/30/11 09:45 AM
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Never Forget.


-SOL
_SOL #2514218 05/30/11 10:52 AM
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Thanks for that one SOL!

The everyday American sometimes forgets the sacrifices our Brothers and Sisters put into supporting our Country!

Thank you for your Service Sir!


Me - 46
Wife - 43
2 x DD
Married 18 yrs - known each other for 22 yrs
Woke up 12/2009 and realized I was an idiot for neglecting my WIFE!
_SOL #2515233 06/01/11 04:07 PM
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Originally Posted by _SOL
as Kay says, her loss.

Americajin said it, not me. My concern is more about how it will affect the boys overall.


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Yep, that is my concern too. Her parents' concern as well.

DS8 had a baseball game Tuesday and her folks came over to see it. Me and DS8 arrived first because he has a short practice before it. Her folks arrived next and then she came along with DS11. As she was walking to the diamond, she was looking down texting. She continued to text and pay more attention to her phone than the game. At one point her mom had to call her attention to the fact that DS8 was up to bat.

After the game she went home and the boys, me and her folks went out for pizza. Very strange and sad. At the restaurant was when her mom told me she said a few things to Pinky during the game. We were sitting nearby, but I didn't hear them talking.

At least having her parents see it sort of validates that it's not just my perception of her lack of involvement/caring with the boys. All I can do for now is show them love and attention during the time they are with me. So far, that has been almost all of the time.

I was looking at the way it will work out with time with the boys through the next month. For the first 60 days that she will have been living on her own, she will have the boys with her a total of 8 days. Her parents will have them for 14 days while I am gone for training, and I will have them for 38 days. I really hope this trend doesn't continue and she gets more involved, but I'm not counting on it.

ETA- I should add that on the days boys are with me and I'm working, she has them for about 90 minutes each weekday between school and me coming home from work.

Last edited by _SOL; 06/02/11 12:14 PM. Reason: Clarification

-SOL
_SOL #2516585 06/05/11 04:16 PM
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{{{{{Sol}}}}}

It's such a shame that Miss Pinkster doesn't engage more. You know the old adage "What goes around, comes around"?

One day it will..... sigh

This will apply to BOTH of you.....only the results will differ

Good work on YOUR front Soldier....all around

Not

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