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Originally Posted By: Prisca
"Yes, I want to hide out in a parking lot and eat a bucket load of fried chicken (markos :D),


I resemble that remark!


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
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Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972
Be that as it may, my waiting around comes from fear. Overcoming fear is a process, wouldn't you agree?


Doing something that will help, even though you don't feel like it (you feel fear) is an action, not a process.

Ever heard of the mideast "peace process"? Multiple decades, and still processing...


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
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Originally Posted By: Prisca
Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972

Be that as it may, my waiting around comes from fear. Overcoming fear is a process, wouldn't you agree?

Overcoming fear is a decision. You decide you are going to stand up and face what you fear.

It's a process in the sense that you may have to face your fear several times before you're no longer afraid. But it starts with a decision.


agreed


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Originally Posted By: markos
Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972
Be that as it may, my waiting around comes from fear. Overcoming fear is a process, wouldn't you agree?


Doing something that will help, even though you don't feel like it (you feel fear) is an action, not a process.

Ever heard of the mideast "peace process"? Multiple decades, and still processing...


I asked her to play Wii Bowling with me tonight to make things a little easier on us. I think a fun activity would be appropriate to break the ice a bit.


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Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972
Originally Posted By: markos
Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972
Be that as it may, my waiting around comes from fear. Overcoming fear is a process, wouldn't you agree?


Doing something that will help, even though you don't feel like it (you feel fear) is an action, not a process.

Ever heard of the mideast "peace process"? Multiple decades, and still processing...


I asked her to play Wii Bowling with me tonight to make things a little easier on us. I think a fun activity would be appropriate to break the ice a bit.


You did great showing initiative.

Be like this all the time. smile


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

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Originally Posted By: markos
You did great showing initiative.

Yes smile

Be prepared if she refuses. She may. Be gentle in your response.


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Hilltopper, was that you on the show today?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Hill, if you and your wife start taking anti-depressants please be aware that your dr will no doubt counsel you against drinking. Depending on the one that is chosen, they sometimes react very badly with a chemical present in wine.

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Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
Hilltopper, was that you on the show today?
Yes that was me. Feedback is very very welcome!


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Originally Posted By: Happy2CU
Hill, if you and your wife start taking anti-depressants please be aware that your dr will no doubt counsel you against drinking. Depending on the one that is chosen, they sometimes react very badly with a chemical present in wine.





Doctors orders good! My wife and I miss the gym, we are making plans to get this back in our schedule with baby and all. Right now everything is just one conversation at a time.


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Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972
Originally Posted By: markos
Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972
Be that as it may, my waiting around comes from fear. Overcoming fear is a process, wouldn't you agree?


Doing something that will help, even though you don't feel like it (you feel fear) is an action, not a process.

Ever heard of the mideast "peace process"? Multiple decades, and still processing...


I asked her to play Wii Bowling with me tonight to make things a little easier on us. I think a fun activity would be appropriate to break the ice a bit.


Real bowling is a blast, too. FWW and I went last weekend after dinner. Bowling is usually cheap, too!


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Originally Posted By: HoldHerHand
Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972
Originally Posted By: markos
Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972
Be that as it may, my waiting around comes from fear. Overcoming fear is a process, wouldn't you agree?


Doing something that will help, even though you don't feel like it (you feel fear) is an action, not a process.

Ever heard of the mideast "peace process"? Multiple decades, and still processing...


I asked her to play Wii Bowling with me tonight to make things a little easier on us. I think a fun activity would be appropriate to break the ice a bit.


Real bowling is a blast, too. FWW and I went last weekend after dinner. Bowling is usually cheap, too!


Agreed, it is a 2 on my RA list, just a 1 for her. We are going out today with the family, and tonight just us. I pulled out the workbook, reviewed her ENs, reviewed her LBs, then reviewed the RA list and wrote down six things that were 5-6's for us. She reviewed it, picked a couple she liked, we poja'd, and there you have it.


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And there you have it, folks! POJA for the win. Fantastic job, Hill.


Husband (me) 39
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Quote:
My wife and I miss the gym, we are making plans to get this back in our schedule with baby and all


Most gym's have free child care now, if yours dont, check around and find one that does.


Me -BS 40
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Originally Posted By: kilted_thrower
And there you have it, folks! POJA for the win. Fantastic job, Hill.

grin


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Originally Posted By: LuvsDavid
Quote:
My wife and I miss the gym, we are making plans to get this back in our schedule with baby and all


Most gym's have free child care now, if yours dont, check around and find one that does.


Ours does. We haven't POJAd on how it will go down. Wife is not thrilled about working out with me because in the past I've been a lecturing fool. I told her she can plan the work out and I'll follow, so we'll see how it goes. She tends to like to do spin class with her friends in the mornings as well, so it is more of creating a nice environment for her to enjoy working out with me. That will take some time, trial, and hopefully very little error.


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My DW arranged for babysitters for the night. I sent in a request to a buddy who is a chef at the best Sushi Restaurant within 30 miles. Chef came for a visit, hooked us up with VIP appetizers, desserts, etc, it was off the charts. I saw the wife I married as we were out, and it made me realize how important UA time is and how we fall in love in the first place. One night out for three hours of fun and it makes all the difference in the world. No fighting, no LBs, just fun between two people in love. Nothing better man. We went shopping afterwards for a bit, she threw some decorator pillows at me playfully and flirtatiously. I pointed out to my wife that I saw some other dudes checking her out, she said, "Well that is because you have a hot wife!" We left the night feeling wonderful about our time spent and about each other. A day and a half ago we were in a massive fight!!! There is NO excuse for not making time spent together a priority and my guess is 80% of us would not be here on this forum if we did just that. My wife and I have had some hard times and I'm sure more are coming, but if you are reading this, PLEASE, listen to the man and take the 15 hours of Undivided Attention seriously. Don't tear out that page of the book and pretend it doesn't matter. UA time is in fact the pillar of this program and Dr H told me personally that it was and that it was exactly what I should focus on among all other things.

If you don't spend time together you are headed for trouble. My wife and I were headed down a road that was certain to lead to affairs or divorce. Why? Because we forsake our marriage and put everything before ourselves. It doesn't mean that you should stop being great parents, it means, to be great parents you must be in love with each other.

Here is an illustration of what I mean. My wife and I have been fighting. If we are being responsible we do it away from the children. Sometimes we do it anyways. My six year old is smart and perceptive enough to know what is going on. She loves me, she wants to protect me, and she frequently comes up to me and hugs me and says, "Dad, I love you so much." She does the same thing to my wife. She has always been a great kid, but you know what, she never did it that much until the fights became so common. Why? She senses it. She knows there are problems. My wife and I are incapable of showing empathy for each other so who steps in? A six year old. She is trying to save the day, the only way she knows how. My six year old daughter senses that her Mommy and Daddy are in trouble and she is trying to save it herself. If that doesn't rip your heart out I don't know what does.

Moral of the story? Spend time together so your six year old isn't the one trying to save your damn marriage.


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Awesome!


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
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hurray hurray


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dance2


Me -BS 40
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02/20/12 done beating my head on that wall.
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