Signed the divorce papers last night and My 14 year anniversary is today. What a great week!

Sorry Lost.

I know it sucks to make it one step closer to reality.

This may be for the best since it appears you get a lot of time with your children. Take all the time she will give you.

Probably best to keep her limited. A friend of mine let his WW go and documented the time she actually spent with the children after they divorced and within 2 years was awarded full custody. He didnt care about one penny of her money for support. The time with the children was the treasure he was after.

They need your influence not WW's.

Keep your chin up. Praying for you and the children.

nESRE

It's the legal aspect of not being responsible for her actions
It has little to do with Gods plan in your hearts
As men we are forced to deal with reality as it pertains to a roof over Thier heads and food on the table. We do this for all our children who's emotional maturity is limited and need us to stand for Thier safty
You've made a statement of what you stand for and support with yourflesh and blood in life and what you will not tolerate
God will honor you in this. Just as he would had it been someone who was using drugs that you cut off from financial support but told them to turn to God

It's up to her now to choose God over her emotions as her source of security. The marriage is being pruned of the branches that bear bad fruit

It's painful but trust the one who cultivates the vineyard

God bless lostm

Thanks all. Its been a lonely road, but im coming out of this a better person. WW is definitely on the losing end of life right now, but its her choice. She is so clouded with evil and the OM just pumps her with more i think. 14 years today! I try not to let myself think about it because it will really get me down. Dont want to talk to her or see her again, she is so bitter about us and i cannot figure that out. The 2 middle boys told me today they never want to go to her house again. How sad is that? I feel so bad for them and i have tried so hard for them to get her home. She has a big head about herself right now. I think she thinks i was trying to get her home just for me. I have only had the best interest for the kids in mind the majority of the time. Life goes on and i will be strong for the kids and we will have a good life without her.

Yes and here it is a chance to mature in the lord at a crossroads and she runs This mb program was an answer to her problems and not some more bondage but she would rather be a slave to her emotions than understand them

Sorry for the trigger day lostm but you are right you will
Be better than fine in time

I truly hope so. I have been really good the last week. Ready to move on with life and get her behind me. Maybe some day she can work her way back into this family, but with her attitude i dont see her ever trying. I still know whats best for the kids, but im done with trying with her. She will have to do a complete flip in order to ever have hopes of coming home.

LM, sorry that the timing was so awkward. Someday, you'll realize that this was the beginning not only of the end to your pain, but to the new life you can now go about building.

Take care of yourself, amigo.

Thanks NG. Ya I think i am getting closer to the end of the pain, although it will always be in my heart. The next part of my journey will be tough, but as long as i have the kiddos next to me is all that matters anymore.

Every year from this day out becomes the biggest celebration day of the year for the lives of your kids.

My 14 year anniversary was in April, and I decided this day will forever be the day I celebrate the lives of my children.

We went out to eat. I bought them gifts. I thanked God for giving me these babies. Without that anniversary day your children would not exist.

Go out and have the best darn day on the planet. Take them to eat, buy them some toys, buy them some clothes, go to a park or bowling, or just hang out and celebrate their lives. Act like it is Christmas. Just make sure they will forever know this day as the

"GREATEST DAY EVER BECAUSE WITHOUT THIS DAY I WOULDN'T HAVE YOU!!!"

God Bless Lost!!!

Itstough that is an amazing thing you just said. It actually brought a tear to my eye. My kiddos are young and they dont comprehend whats going on. I think that what you said is a brilliant idea and i will do that in the future, but not today. It would be to hard for me right now and i dont want to take the time to explain things to them tonite. But I so love your thinking on this matter and i will do that in the future,

Today you can simply take them out to a nice dinner, and warmly tell them, " I am so thankful God gave each one of you to me. I feel blessed and joy by you in my life."

They don't have to know why - when it is time you can make today be whatever day you want it to be!

My kids had no idea it was my anniversary. All they knew was mom was with them and they had tons of fun having dinner, bowling, and laughing.

Tough~

Good thoughts. I was planning on making spaghetti tonight, one of there favorites. I will take the time to do that tonight during dinner. They are gone from home so much that the one thing they enjoy the most is being home now. So we will have a nice dinner and i will spend time playing there favorite games with them tonite. I must say you have brightened my day more than anybody so far. What a great outlook you have and thank you for sharing it with me.

Hey Lostman 101. I've read almost your entire thread. I wish I was as strong as you in many ways. I am currently caring for my 10 year old daughter and 5 year old son. My WW had an affair with an OM who lived thousands of miles away. I discovered the affair in October. I put up with too much an tried Plan A as much as I could depending on the odds that affairs die eventually. They ended it in February so the OM can reconcile with his wife who knew. My wife finally said a half-hearted sorry in April. I had moved out in April to give my wife space who was dealing with anxiety and stress being around me. Her and the OM got back together for one night in mid May. Then it crashed and burned the next day. He told her off in a text. The WW's FIL has tried to help me out a lot. I moved back in and wife couldn't deal with me being back so she left to stay with her dad. She is depressed, has anxiety, and will not have a job next fall (an educator) partly due to the news of her affair while on business trips.Despite the OM out of the picture, I am edging toward divorce or seperation here in Texas. Just wanted to say I could relate to a lot of what you went through. I'm scared of divorce or seperation, but I hate living like this.

t/j here - Stillwater - DO NOT LET THE FEAR OF SEPARATION OR DIVORCE FRIGHTEN YOU INTO INACTION. Take a step back - what's there left to lose that you haven't already lost? I can tell you from personal experience that taking the bull by the horns is empowering. You need to level the playing field here - she's got you over a barrel and you need to stand up for yourself and your kids. What kind of example are you setting for them? Do you want your kids to react the same way? What will you tell them in 5-10 years (because they will ask)?

I understand, I love my WW with all my heart, but that's the problem. It's not my head. My head is telling me to cut the ties and be done with it. My gut is the intermediary between the two. I tend to go with my gut. You can be assertive and strong without being 'mean'. Come up with a mantra and whenever you're boxed into a corner repeat it to WW. Mine is/was: "I'm standing up for what I believe in. I'm standing up for my marriage and my family. DS deserves my best efforts and so far, I haven't given it to him."

She rolls her eyes now when I start that, but you know, she knows where I stand. That's just as important when I'm in front of her and when she's by herself. Your FIL is your ally - you guys come up with a game plan. Why don't you guys plan a camping or fishing trip together?...or some other activity. Your kids will carry the news back to WW and she'll start to see that life goes on, regardless of her decisions/choices. Don't be a spectator in your life - you'll be miserable the rest of your days!

Andy is completely right, he sounds like a vet now lol. Stand strong in what is right and buck up and be the man you need to be. It sounds kinda brutal, but it was said to me as well and its the truth. I stand my ground and i dont take crap anymore. There is no use in it. With my WW i have tried everything and nothing even touches her heart. She is almost possessed with an evil spirit if you believe that kind of thing. At first she was very confused but as time went on she became extremely focused on leaving, mostly i would say due to OM. If you say she and OM are done and she has said sorry somewhat, your miles ahead of anywhere i ever got. something to consider there as she might be reachable on some level to get things resolved.

Being strong is the only thing that has got me thru this. I do it for my kids and they totally see that. They would rather be with me all the time because they see their dad has not ran out on them and changed so much. I'm there foundation and i reassure them that i will never leave them. They need comfort in knowing that they have a secure father and that there are no worries that you will leave to.

Went to my sons baseball game last night and she was there. Her parents and my parents showed up and it was very awkward. I was glad of that, She needs to see what she has created. It was really sad as well. The kids were all over me most of the time and she was on her little phone burning up the keyboard. Man is she ever addicted to cell phones, I wish they could be banned.

How often does a woman so far out of her mind really ever recover and come back to who she was? or does it ever happen? I hear about it, but i almost dont believe it.

My vanpool van was stuck in traffic yesterday on the way from work. A motorcycle cop was in the next lane. We thought he was following us. There was a car next to us with a woman talking on her cell phone.

Over his loudspeaker the cop said:

"Put down your phone." "Put down your phone!"

It really scared her. She stopped right away. We all laughed for a long while

Its so hard to find humor in a difficult situation. Your WW is so lost right now. Give yourself permission to laugh at her antics.

Lost - I am taking a different approach to my Plan B recovery. My IC (MB supportive) has started me on looking at my life ***Deleted***. I am looking at myself from how I consistently take on the Giver role, and how this built huge amounts of resentment within myself.

My WH has addiction issues, and his current one is the adultery. Dr. H also suggests this in his readings.

How is this helping my personal recovery? Well I can detach from my WH but still keep my love. This helps me clean up my side of the fence.

I am looking at the years he didn't meet my EN's and how I built up resentment because are marriage was founded on a Giver/Taker Platform. I gave unconditionally and my WH took unconditionally.

Now that I can see my resentment and how this links to AO's, and DJ's I can change how I approach all situations to my WH.

I used DJ's to control my WH because I wanted him to grow up finally lead our family. Of course he didn't so I just tried to control the situation more. Most DJ's are established by using manipulation to try and get the other person to change their behavior on what you feel is should be changed. I can see how this put my WH in such a bad place as well.

Realizing I can change this coping mechanism about myself has shown me how I can foster better relationships with my kids and others I associate with.

By all account your wife's waywardness is do to addiction. You have to treat her like a drug addict at the moment. When you begin to remove yourself from her addiction, you will begin to recover yourself to a healthier you.

She may never come out of this addiction. OM may be gone, but she is using something else to feed her addiction. She will only get worse as life continues. Once in addiction you cannot get healthy until you work a program (most likely a 12 step) to solve your issues.

Your wife has deep rooted issues that only she can fix. Until she hits rock bottom she cannot heal herself.

Go Dark Plan B and work on yourself. This will allow you to be great either for your WW someday or for a new marriage.

Go Dark and Detach from her. She has to do this on her own!!!

Tough~

Thanks tough. I am mostly at peace anymore except when i sleep. I cant control my dreams and sometimes they get me. Last night at the game i enjoyed myself and didnt worry about her. I talked to everyone and focused on my boys game. I didnt really talk to WW cuz i really dont want to. Deep down in me i really want her to come back to who i married, but i have let her go as she is now. Thats why im allowing Divorce to happen. (I have tried everything and zero hope from her). I feel that her Waywardness needs to run its course and we will see whats left when she is done, if she ever gets it out of her. I view her as a drug addict and her addiction is OM, but she is determined right now to prove to everyone she is the boss of her life.