Scotland,
I do not see him when he picks up or drops the boys off.- The only time I saw him was when he barged in the house. I did tell my sister not to tell me anything any longer. So it that respect, the thought of even speaking to him again makes me sick knowing he is with OW. I have no desire to see or speak to him. That tells me I am getting stronger.

Peachy,I have an appt with my lawyer next Tuesday and she told me we need to jump on this. I am going to plop down my retainer and get moving. I do not want my H to feel like he can walk all over me. It is scary, but I can not let fear get in the way of standing up for myself. Thank you for the suggestions, I have documented when he has seen and called the boys. I have heard my lawyer is a pit bull, that is what I need.

I know Plan B is right for me, I will be able to move forward eventually, but I will not be able to accept what he has done to our family.
Thanks for the support, reality is setting in and I think I have a fight on my hands. I wonder how waywards live with themselves and how they can sleep at night. Pure selfishness, I guess!!

Scotland, you words go through my head often, when you told me to stay in your bubble. I say that to myself when I feel weak.

Just came from my lawyers office. How surreal. I am filing a motion to get him to keep up what the current pay schedule is. I will know on Friday after she reviews the number how strong my case will be. Do not know why I am sad, this is the first step towards divorce, she said it may make him file sooner. I guess if he wants a divorce, he will get one. I am just confused. My feelings are all over the place right now. I was angry this morning and now I just feel sad and kind of numb. Feel so pitiful saying I want my husband back and always wonder how he could leave us.

Mason - I'm sorry to hear the sadness in your note. Just know that there are many here you've gone through that same rollercoaster of emotions! You're trying to apply reason and logic to an argument that's inherently illogical! Your WH isn't acting like a rational, sane human being.

It'll get better, it'll just take time. Try to focus on the kids and be there for them. He'll have to answer their questions in the future - I always keep that in mind as I'm going through this. What will I tell my DS in 10-15 years about this episode in my life?

Thank you, I think about that too, with my 5 year old. He will know the truth one day. Trying to shield them at this point. I guess as you move through this you think you may become less emotional and when you really stop to think you still do not believe this is happening to you. I keep thinking stay in my plan b bubble, that will protect me. I just wish I had more of a choice in the matter of my marriage. I wish I had a chance at real recovery. So much time has passed, and I lose hope. Hard day.

Began the process of filing the motion for financial support, was more upsetting looking at the paperwork than I thought. My husband had stopped most communication with my IM, kind of crawled back into his own little fog world. He has not spoken to the boys in a week. Is he accepting my terms of us not speaking finally, no longer fighting it.

Is this normal in Plan B??

Very upset this week, all apart of the roller coaster. I broke plan b last week when I found our my husband was in the Bahamas, we have a shared frequent flier acct.
I sent a text saying "is it better in the bahamas? must be better than paying for the boys daycare". I know I shpudl have stayed in my bubble, I wish I never found out because I have been reeling from it. I thought things were falling apart in LA LA land, but I guess they are as strong as ever. I am just so upset he can go on vacation and not keep up his obligations.
Back in dark plan B for good, can not sen myself spinning again.
The only good news is that it will be more ammo for my attorney.

The good news never ends! I feel like he could care less that I am not speaking with him. If only 90-95% of affairs last, I just hope I am not in that 5-10%. Looks like I may be.
Just a hard week.

I am all over the place today, can not concentrate on work, my letter from my lawyer is going out today. Just approved it for the continued finacial support. It is pretty aggressive. After I read it made everything seem so real. I am scared of everything. I do not want him to get angry, I do not want them to band together against me. I want his affair to end.

Everything I read is make the affair as uncomfortable as possible. This letter makes it uncomfortable.

Glad I found about the Bahamas trip, it was put in the letter. I need to be strong. Any encouraging words will be helpful.

My WH told my IM get his mail and his paystubs together. Really, I am suppose to gather his information to fight the motion of support. That is his problem. I knwo I sound crazy, I have the incredible urge to ask him if he really wants this. I will not, because I know what the answer is.

Why is it as terrible and hurtful as someone is to you do you still want them back? I am mourning the loss of who my husband was and it is very painful today.

Why do I feel bad about my attorney sending him the letter. He is going to fight me. I am taking away his affair $$$.

I want to be hopeful, I do, I think this will push him to file for divorce.

I am so scared and do not feel strong.

Mason, I can relate to pretty much everything you're going through, especially about missing the person who treats you like poo on the bottom of his shoe.

If you are in the 5%, I will be there alongside you if that's any comfort. While my STBWXH is not taking expensive trips to the Bahamas, he has no shame in taking his POSOW out for dinner 2-3x a week while I am getting grief from him about how he can't afford child support or alimony. Every month, it's like pulling teeth and I have to beg like a dog for what is a very fair amount.

I originally filed for separation and my H promptly filed for D - as soon as he found out I was expecting our child. So, don't be surprised if he files just out of spite or anger. In my STBXH's case, he is acting purely out of emotion and without thinking anything through - he's living 100% in the moment which is probably where your H is.

I feel strongest when I know ZERO about their relationship and have ZERO contact with him. If I get weak and catch a glimpse of him, I miss him but I don't think he misses me (he acts hostile towards me) so it's just painful all around. Why subject myself to that?

I just go to my therapist, work out at the gym, try to focus on work and my daughter and pray...alot. I'm doing better and I know you will too the more time and distance you get. And when /if, he comes back, you'll be in a good place to evaluate the situation for what it is - not take him back out of desperation.

Thanks, that is why I love this board, I do feel better not knowing anything about him. He pobably will file and at the very least fight the motion for support. I want him to file, I want that on him.

Mason, I'm sorry you are hurting right now. Good for you for following through with your attorney! Now, no more Plan B breaks for you. See how it sends you into a tailspin? If you have an attorney, let your attorney deal with all legal-related matters, especially when it comes to gathering records. Turn those things that your husband is asking for over to your attorney. Ignore the request from WH. In the legal realm, he is your adversary. You don't cooperate with the further destruction of your family. If WH wants a divorce, make him work for it. He will soon realize that it comes at a great cost!

Force his hand on the support. He OWES that to his children! Keep track of the marital funds that he is wasting on the OW while your kids are going without.

(((mason))) stay strong and do something nice for yourself.

I know this felt good when you sent it, and of course it was a good dig, but let me tell you something about waywards and there pretzel logic. They feel like the world is against them boohoo, and when you contact them with anything that is inflamatory,(true or not), it takes thier eyes off of themselves and you become the reason they are not happy together. When it is all over and they have to really look at themselves, they must then look at the truth, that the reason they are not happy comes from them. Now they are with another person who would lie and cheat on them for....???

Part of plan B is for your recovery also, and when you can truly know you will be fine without him we will have done the best part of helping you. You need to know that you will be fine, that he is ruining a marriage, and that you cannot remain in such a twisted relationship. If that is not accomplished recovery will not happen. Not full recovery anyway because if he is not interested in your emotional state and security as much as you are, he fails as a husband.

So whether he comes back or not, start to visualize yourself healthy and happy without him and this tripe he is putting you through. Do not even think about him and live your life as well as you can day to day. If he did come home and spent the time to recover then maybe this pain could be avoided but if he insists on running out the love bank units you need to let them go. Its going to happen anyways because all he seems to do is write bad checks off counterfiet units. You deserve the real thing.

Dark B and take care of yourself you will get thru this

mason, mason, mason.... you are like.... me! I just read this whole thread and so many similarities.... my husband also went from "I love you" to "I have to be with her" in a matter of a day and a half... I still cannot wrap my head around how he can be one and then now, no contact, and he's fine. I feel just as crazy as you feel. My husband has taken all the money and is paying nothing.... the main difference I see in our stories is that you have a good lawyer, and I think mine is not looking out for my best interests.... I am going to see if legal aid can help me on Monday...

Update:
He is resuming paying for full daycare, he payed what he owed me for last month. Finally something going my way in this. I really thought he was going to fight it. He may be getting ready to file, who knows. I hope this gave hime a bit of a wake up call. Less $$$ for affair.

Yup, reality verses fantasy..........
He can't get away with not paying......
Give it time when they starting fighting about $, kids, household chores, that kind of thing, they will soon learn that real life takes more than saying I love you's and a sex life, welcome to real life.......
just sit back and watch the show, take care of you and the kids, don't worry what he has chosen for himself, right now he being a fool..........let him be one.....
jessi

Thank you Jessi.... today is a good day for me. I feel a sense of relief financially.

Not sure what to do. I fear my husband will miss the fathers day event at school and not sure how to handle the daycare graduation on the 24th. It is his wknd and the graduation is at 5:00. I have not mentioned any of these events, my feeling is he needs to figure that out himself. How do I handle the possible meeting? I wish it was earlier in the day, he would miss it.
I am still grieving.

HELP, my husband files for divorce!! I am so sad. It is really over. I have no chance at saving my marriage.

Broke plan b and asked him if this is what he really wanted. Oh my god, help me. I am having a nervous breakdown. I have had false hope all along.

mason, time to resend your plan b letter.

drag out any divorce proceedings.

Well, since you broke plan b - tell us a little more about this conversation.

Lexxxy is correct.

Meanwhile, get a pit bull divorce attorney.
Ask around.