One thing I am really concerned about is his ability to see what im writing here. Im deleting my internet history and have changed my password. Wanted to download a programme yesterday though and the administrator's password didnt work. I think its been changed. Hes quite IT savvy and showed interest in the computer the other night. Wanted to change the admin p/w so I could install spyware. I could call up the service provider, but wouldnt that tip him off?

Indie,

Have you asked the moderators to move your thread to SAA? You will get great advice over there from many posters who have been where you are right now.

I'm not IT person but I don't think service provider can help you. Try customer support at the computer manufacturer's site. Can't remember admin password section.

Reset password to original password. This may fool your H into thinking he has gone crazy or it may not. I don't know.

It is important that he not know that you suspect anything.

Indie, don't panic right now. Get what info you can and come back here before doing anything. Please move your thread to SAA.

I have - its just click notify right?

I think so. Give it a try.

Yep, you're over here now. I'm sorry, indie.

Okay. Don't concentrate on the laptop - you've got another good tool in the VAR. Get it and get it hidden in the car. I would suggest you spring the coin for a better model. The cheaper ones can have poor reception.

I'm not sure if you mentioned this - can you get his cell phone? You can download spyware on it if you can. Can you access his cell phone records?

FYI in the 'spring cleaning' im doing today, am turning up a lot of other deceptions. Things told me about money, how much he pays on mortgage, how much he earns etc,are not tallying with some paperwork im finding...

Wondering what on earth is the point.

Thanks maritalbliss,

He took his HTC into the bathroom this morning, and last night, Ive seen texts but think theres been some thought put into avoiding something so obvious. I think a HTC is harder to spyware judging by other posts. (and he upgraded to one around about the time things really hit the skids) I am also not sure of the model which the spyware site asked me for. I guess he has to shower sometime tho.

Is staying at my mums a good idea tonight? I do it a lot, it wouldnt look weird. Thinking of sending a breezy let me know if you wanna do anything this weekend text, letting hi now im staying over..

Think hes freaking and a bit of space might help

Hell, no, it's not a good idea! Never give an adulterer 'space'. They'll take it every time.

ETA: Unless, of course, you can tell him you're staying there and then snoop him to see if he goes to OW's. That's a thought.

I like it! But, hed just say he stopped by to say hello, and that hed fallen asleep or some nonsense. Would be interesting tho, would give me some idea.

Wouldnt it also make them relax?

Failed to find anything while snooping last night but a sunset and some tears.

Came home very early in the morning (as I knew my h would be using the bed, rather than couch, without me there.) Took advantage of the sitch and snuggled him. He kinda allowed it. Made us brekie, nice morning on the couch. Makes up about 14 hours UA time this week. Thanks so much everyone, never managed to achieve that before.

He went upstairs and showered (to go out)taking his phone first into the toilet then into the bathroom too. Came down much grumpier, I said I liked his shirt and went to kiss him. He said I was 'making a fuss'. I said cool and asked if he wanted his washing hanging if i was around later.

Told him I would be out late with some old friends. Going to sisters to order the VAR. Think his HTC phone will be a problem. Never out of his hand.

Do I have to decide if I am to give this marriage a shot by a deadline? Before I expose? Still reeling and veer from thinking hes deceived me from day one - about money and lots of things - to thinking this affair was inevitable but is solvable. Sometimes think imagining whole thing.

I also dont know if I want the effort of having to drag my marriage up a hill with someone who doesnt want children. That was a big concession for me.

sorry meant sunrise!

indie, tell us more about your snooping last night. Did you cruise OW's house to see if your WH was there? How many times?

I should have been more specific about this. When you went to stay at your mother's, you should have been cruising OW's house about once every hour or so. This would have potentially been an all-night snoop. You'd need to cruise your own place to determine if he just stayed home, as well as the parking lots of any bars or restaurants he frequents. The goal was to see where he would go if he thought you were with your mother for the night.

What snooping did you do last night?

Don't concern yourself with long-term plans at this point. Find out what he's up to, first.

I can tell you that the hallmark of an adulterer is taking the phone into the bathroom with them. Unless they are waiting for a kidney or other critical communication where seconds count, NO ONE makes it a rule to take the phone into the bathroom with them. My H did the same thing. I couldn't figure out why he would take his phone into the bathroom when he showered. If he was waiting for a call he couldn't have heard it over the running water. Now that I'm a survivor of betrayal, I understand that he didn't take his phone in there so that he could hear it - he took it in there so that I wouldn't be able to hear it, or pick it up.


ETA: Can you get a GPS unit for his car? That'll eliminate having to physically track him.

I guess. I have no idea where to look for a VAR or GPS. Am going to search now. I am a bit more inspired to spend money now after trekking streets. I cruised by a few times but in the space of one hour. Which was a bit rubbish I suppose. Feel very conspicuous on her street its narrow and nowhere to hide at all. My car is very identifiable and theyve already caught me there once, had to pretend id knocked for her and she hadnt heard. They didnt buy it, i dont think i was called up and quizzed about it.

Also have a 'girls night in' with OW on Monday. Feel like pouring some love busting poison in her ear about how well me an h doing. Opinions?

Totally confused about which VARS are suited to my purpose after having a look online. Any recommendations for ones can be bought UK? Also where do you put in car?

We've got a couple of Brits on here who might be able to help you with where to purchase a VAR and GPS (paging Sugar Cane!)

Use velcro to attach the VAR to a place in his car that he doesn't access much (under the front seat, in a hidden spot around the steering column, in the empty space near the glove compartment - different cars have different spots. Look around to determine the best spot.)

Hi Indi I'm in the uk. You can pick up a gps spy tracker device on eBay from the uk it reads well as in it's discreet and it can be set up for text alerts or installed onto your pc. To find it type in the search on eBay gps tracking device mobile spy surveillance tracker it's about �80.

The var can also be found on eBay. Many sold in the uk. Sorry that's the best I can find no one sells them anywhere else that I can find

Two other things worth thinking about

You know the OW so you could always install a VAR in her car/house , and if your having a girly night in with her I would look out for any opportunity to look at her phone when she goes to the toilet etc it's likely that if your going to find anything it will be on her phone as she is unlikely to delete calls or messages like your WH would.