You



You


You


You


You



You

I can help .....


You are selfish and self focused.
You are also lazy.
You are dishonest.
You prefer a quick fix.


OK. That's settled.
Now you know what is "wrong" with you.

SO WHAT?????

Is your life better?
Does your beautiful, shy, introverted wife feel better now that you have been properly labeled?

There is marriage work to do, and yet, you are selfishly determined to continue your self-absorbed navel gazing while your wife dies a death of a thousand cuts. The razor is in your hand.

Stop being selfish and lazy.

Now, your "What's wrong with me" .... whining is OVER & OUT.

RIGHT?

Chris: make sure you tell your wife the truth about the content of the messages before the spy stick arrives. If she finds out that you have lied about the nature of the texts, I don't think she will work on the marriage.

When was the last time you spoke to another woman privately, by phone, text or in person? Have you spoken to a woman since you first posted here?

Brilliant!

Look - if you think that going to "therapy" to discover if you have some sort of "pathology" will help your wife .... you are proving just how selfish you really are.

Here is what you should be asking this forum:

"What can I do to help my wife and my marriage?"

This is where you are currently going .....

You are not a victim.
Quit whining.

You made how many more posts and you still haven't told us the name your wife posts under?

Come back when you are serious, Chris.

My wife posts under the name SusieQ

I was watching Anthony Weiner's resignation press conference this morning. It reminded me of this thread. Why? Because he said he is resigning because HE needs to heal from what HE has done. No mention of his dear wife in his speech. This thread, chris, no mention of a truly repentant heart and an understanding of what you have done again to your dear wife. Nope, this is all about chris.

Thank you, Chris.

Now, get cracking.

I suggest that since answering our questions seems so difficult for you, you start with this:

1. (ONE) Read through this entire thread again. Make two lists. One is a list of everything you've been told to do. The other is a list of every question you've been asked. Post the lists. Post before even trying to answer the questions.

Manipulation tactic telling us how we should feel about you in order to ease the shame you feel by your actions. Actually Chris we aren't scratching our heads. We know waywards are liars and they inflict unbelievable pain onto their betrayed spouse.


I always knew I was a liar, cheat, and manipulator. I learned how to lie and manipulate as a small child. It was the easiest and quickest way to get what I wanted, and I always avoided accountability for my actions by my dishonest ways. I am just pizzed now because it has finally caught up to me and I cannot get away with my crimes anymore.


Manipulation, lying, and cheating have gotten me everything I wanted in life. I was able to control all situations because I became a master manipulator. I have a wall of dishonesty around me, and I don't even know what lie to start with there are too many and I am overwhelmed. I am too scared to let those close to me know the real me because they will know I have always used lying to deceive them. How in the hect am I going to manipulate this board and my wife out of this mess because my wife and this board are actaully holding me accountable.

You know, Chris, I'd be angry, too, if were your wife and saw this thread and all the things you've been asked to do, and you weren't doing them.

So I hope you are making a comprehensive list and that you are going to go as far as possible on all of those tasks today.


No, we are not scratching our heads. We know why you are that cruel. It's already been posted in this thread. Apparently you are the only one who thinks it's a mystery.

Don't reply; I hope you are working on that list.

Chris,

I pray that you will listen to me.

I would suspect that your wife is watching how you handle yourself here. As a woman I can tell you that your behavior on this forum is NOT ATTRACTIVE at all. It is VERY UNMANLY. If I were your wife what you are doing would REPEL and DISGUST me. MAN UP -- FIX THIS!

HOW? Stop whining and sniveling. Knock off the "something is wrooooong with me" boo frickity hoo nonsense...BLECH!

Step up to the plate -- OWN what you have chosen to do. Say, "I did this because I did not put extraordinary precautions in place to prevent a woman besides my wife from meeting my needs. Now, I will put ironclad EPs in place and because of those EPs this will not happen again. EPs are the only things that will protect my wife and family. Human willpower is WEAK and will do NOTHING to protect us."

That's all there is to it, Chris. REALLY!

AND stay here and have DIALOGUE with people -- Talking to you here is like trying to nail jello to a tree -- Pretty soon people will stop posting and trying to help you if this continues. Face this head on, Chris. It's the ONLY way.

Mrs. W

Amen to MrsW. And I would add that the first thing that has to happen is that you come clean. Stop the lying and come clean. honesty is the solution.

If you are sincere, then show it by being HONEST. Don't make her have to FIND everything on her own. Be a man and just get it all out on your own.

The longer you wait, the more DAMAGE you cause. I would set her down and FESS up before her spy stick arrives.

Hello Chris,

I am glad you made it to the forums. It is probably not what you expected. But you will receive the help you need if you are willing to listen and do.

Your wife and I arrived on MB the same year--2007. She has fought for your marriage for a very long time. I would love to see you man-up on this thread and start fighting for this marriage now.

You tell us what a wonderful woman she is. (I already know that)

You tell us she doesn't deserve this. (We all already know that)

But what you refuse to tell us is that you will DO what it takes to make it right to your wife.

You cannot undo all the hurt you have caused her. But you can, right now, this very minute, no longer be THAT guy. You can start being the husband she deserves.

You become THAT man by:

1. Coming completely clean and telling her every last little thing there is to tell her about the secret life you have led throughout your marriage. I promise you, there is nothing she longs for now more than your honesty.

That would be step one to becoming a man of integrity--a man worth being married to.

2. Schedule and take a polygraph to prove to her that you were completely honest in step 1 and that there are no more dark secrets that are going to sneak up and bomb her again.

3. Put into place the extraordinary precautions that you chose to reject when you misled your wife into thinking you were protecting her. Start with--never communicating with a female in any other way than the necessary professional manner needed for work. There should be many other EPs you willingly and eagerly put into place if your heart's desire is to never hurt your wife again. It isn't about what you figure out. It's about what you do!

4. Ask her what else she would need to be willing to consider staying married. Then DO whatever it is she says she needs.

I spoke to my wife about the content of the messages, the spy stick should be here today or tomorrow.

This is the second time this has happened, the other was >3 years ago.

Yes, I spoke with a women yesterday that I work with. It was strictly about work and my future at my job. I called the office to speak with my boss and he was unavailable. The next person in charge took the call and could tell there was something wrong with me. She felt that it was all of the over time we've been doing and tried to explain to me that it's not just me feeling the pressure. I let her know that there was something else happening that I could give the details to.

Chris,

When my husband (HerPapaBear) was having an affair, he used the same lines we see you using here.

I need to fix myself.
I need to get some help for me.
I need to figure out what's wrong with me.
I need to figure out why I've done this.

I heard that kind of babble for months. Why?

Because he didn't want to do what needed done--give up his independent behavior and start living a life that would protect me and our marriage.

However....

when I kicked him out and he lived without his wife and children, he came to a new conclusion.

He no longer need to "fix himself" or "find himself".

He needed to start behaving like a married man and father so that he could EARN the PRIVILEGE of being my husband.

He could have chosen differently. He could have chosen to pursue the rabbit hole of "fixing himself". He could have spent the last 4 years in counseling revisiting his bad childhood memories (he has plenty).

What would that have accomplished?

Simply put, a divorce.

Because he would have left our marriage and my heart profusely bleeding on the cold floor while he became "enlightened".

Instead he chose to say, "I will BE a husband to my wife. I WILL love her and protect her."

So while you spent the last four years continuing on in your independent behavior and hurting your wife repeatedly (this is not the only time you have engaged in personal "friendly" conversations with females at the expense of your wife), my husband spent these four years PROVING that he is trustworthy and dependable and committed to being a man worth being married to.

How much longer are you expecting your wife to wait before YOU show up in this marriage?

Chris, there is an interesting side-effect about living a dishonest life. It eats at your soul. It claims that part of you that would normally be at peace and replaces it with sadness, worry and depression. My H felt the same way during his affair.

You may have had bad things happen to you in your childhood. Maybe you got picked on in high school. Maybe your clothes weren't as nice as the other kids', or you weren't as popular.

That was then. This is NOW. What are you going to do NOW, Chris? What is you choice for today?

There's another interesting thing - choosing to be completely open and honest about your life is liberating. It is refreshing. Choosing to protect your marriage is exhilarating. And it will cast you in a light that others will respect. Everybody wins, Chris. Most importantly, your marriage.

All that NEEDED said was that you would call back when your BOSS was available.

The moment she could "tell there was something wrong with" you, the conversation took on a personal nature and should have stopped there.

THAT is how you protect your marriage from other women!

Counseling won't help you figure out HOW to do that. Marriage Builders WILL!

But have you told her EVERYTHING there is to know about the secret life you have led throughout your marriage. Does she know the extent of your relationships with other women?