So, you CAN afford to lose your marriage. Got it. Good luck. Hopefully she won't take you to the cleaners financially, and you'll get to see your kids every few months or so.

I'll find the money. One more question. My WW's brother and his family (wife/kids) coming in for the weekend to a close by city. The plan was to take our family (WW, our kids, me) to visit for the day. Then I exposed and since then, I'm now not invited and was told it's not a good idea since we aren't in a good place, it would be too hard to put on a happy face in front of all the family.

I want to go and see everyone but I don't want to force anything. Should I insist or tell her to go with our kids and without me?

Go!

DARE anyone to bring it up! You have nothing to be ashamed of. WW should have been more careful of sharing her affections with another man, if she's so "sensitive" to her family's opinions.

BX-Listen to every word these people tell you to do. My situation is different from yours only slightly but we are brothers in this all the way. All these posters have saved me hours of pain by leading down the best possible path. I have read the SAA book and its genius is in the methodology to saving a marriage. Im only 5+ weeks from dday and I have made this peer group the ONLY people I listen to and go to for advice. I gave up on my psychologist after 2 visits. They know whats in your head. And, they will force you to go against anything in your head thats not productive in the saving of your marriage. I know none of this people who post here personally, but I love them.

", I'm now not invited and was told it's not a good idea since we aren't in a good place, it would be too hard to put on a happy face in front of all the family."

who said you are not invited??? your WW?? Plulease

you better go, and you better look great, dote all over your children, and keep a smile on you face the whole time. they all need to see that you are the strong one and you have nothing to hide!

I was in the same spot a week after dday number 3-10 (someone still needs to figure out my sig line). i was nervous about going but was encouraged to do so by some folks here, the SIL's were quite shocked, no one said a word!! and to be honest, i felt great!

Who uninvited you? Your WW? You can explain to her that you are absolutely going and you're taking the children. Let her know that family is very important to you (leaving it unsaid that obviously she can't say the same thing).

Go, and be at your level, calm best. Let them see this pillar of strength who will fight for his marriage.

If you stay home it will appear that you are 'family' only when times are good. You'll also get the 'poor BX' sympathy vote - and you don't want to be pitied! Go there and show everyone the strong man your wife married!

Yes, WW told me not to go. After reading this, I'M GOING even if I have to drive myself for two hours. Thanks for the advice and confidence!

My wife just told me that she called her attorney today and told her to draw up divorce papers. I should have them Monday. What the he'll do I do now?! There is no separation, straight to divorce for her.

Besides contacting a lawyer for yourself, NOTHING immediately. Until the last signature is in place, it has little/no bearing on your efforts to repair your marriage.

That said, steel yourself to be absolutely ruthless on every point brought up during the negotiations.

What to do? Go to the weekend things with your kids and be your awesome self. Today is Friday, right? No worries.

This is the weekend plan. LISTEN to others about those papers as I've nothing, but others will.

P.S.> "My wife just told me"...really? Blah. Ignore. Divorce papers in 24 or 48 hours? Really...filed Thurs and served Monday? Am I crazy or is this not going to happen?

Listen to NG, and, what the he-l kind of shoddy divorce papers are drawn up on a Friday and served on a Monday? On second thought...
hmmm.


Will defer to NG and the others here.

I suppose it doesn't really matter when I get divorce papers. I will get divorce papers sooner or later. Knowing that, how am I supposed to pretend I'm not getting divorced? This will happen if I know my wife.

She is "checked out" and doesn't want to check back in. She "doesn't want to try anymore."

What the hell am I supposed to do? Keep being the model husband that anyone woman would be want to be married to? If so, how emotionally?

Am I supposed to just do a 180 and be the cold heartless man to her but still adore my kids? I am so confused.

Hang on, BX, OK? Just hang on as more help will be on the way.

While here and waiting for Vets and peers, those papers mean nothing. Paper means nothing until you sign em', so don't sweat that (easy to say, I know). You're not getting divorced until you say you're getting divorced. Hang on until the A.M., OK?

Stand by...

I don't know you Surfer but I trust you.

you can drag a divorce out for a long time just by not signing the paperwork. Look up the laws in your state but most of the time they have to serve the papers (that will not be overnight) then you have so many days before you either sign them or you counter sue. Just google divorce laws in your state. It might make you feel alittle better knowing it will not happen as quick as she thinks unless you give up and sign.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that the affair is over. That's the good news I suppose. For all the people questioning exposures effectiveness, don't.

It ended when I exposed and there has been zero contact from either party. I reviewed the cell phone and pc.

"after a couple of days of no contact with X, I realized that when I didn't come running back to you that I didn't love you anymore..."

If you did expose the affair then the divorce-talk is understandable. She tries to punish you for ruining her affair.

Couple of days of no contact means nothing. The fog will start to clear after several months of total no contact.

The sentence you gave is fog-babble and should be fully ignored.

Keep being the model MAN that any woman would want to be married to. Keep being a model man from now until your very last breath. Commit to it. Obviously, being the best man you can possibly be encompasses being the best husband you can be. But you'll still be that man if the day should come that you are no longer a husband.

BX,

Thanks for trusting MB! Let me see if I can help recap so that you get sound advice here in response to �what the hell am I supposed to do?�

-You exposed, and A is over according to your WW, BIL, etc.?
-Was it full, nuclear exposure done? Meaning everyone?
-NC letter sent? (Not sure about this...I think this was never �officially� sent, right?)
-She is still living in your home, correct?
-She is angry, spewing bullypoo, and says you will be served D papers on Monday?
-You ARE going to this family event this weekend, correct?

If the above is all true, then what I think needs to happen is this:

Plan A, all the way. You've read SAA and the Carrot/Stick, yes? Dr. Harley via others here state than men should Plan A for up to 6 months if you can do that. �If you can do that� means if you can keep your LB at a decent level for that long. Be the soft place for WW to land as she goes through withdrawal from the A, but keep snooping, and verify everything you are told. If/when you find NC has been broken, come here and ask what your next step is, OK? For now, Plan A. Be her Knight, but NOT her doormat. Careful of that! Meet the top 4 ENs as much as possible and get her LB$ built back up. As Curious said, you focus on being the best husband you can and will be.

That said, I would expect (and Recon said) that you are going to hear a lot of waffling from WW...one day D, the next she's sorry, and in between things like ILYBNILWY, doesn't see any hope, she hates herself, OM, you, she's not worthy of life, kids, you again, repeat... Let her puke all of that out (sorry), but just hold her hair. Do not engage in arguments.

Response to alien withdrawal outbursts? Scotty's mantra altered from cookie to pasta as I don't like sweets :

�I will do what I have to to save this marriage because I love you and our family. Want some alfredo?�

BX, just take one goal at a time and follow the plan to meet each goal.

One thing about MB, and I didn't intend for this to be so long...sorry! Many BS and WS come here to �blog� initially, and get spooked because they don't expect such immediate direction to help climb their way out of the mess they're in. It's hard to see, because I've been reading here for over 3 years and the insane likeness for almost each situation is so consistent. For others, well they've been here helping for 10+ years!

I am SO happy for you that you are taking steps to save your M, and that you are hearing what folks that have been exactly where you are are saying. You have tremendous support here. Stick with it, OK?

Yea for you!

Surfer, to answer your questions:

I did go nuclear on exposure, yes everyone.
There has been no NC letter. She wouldn't sign or send.
Yea, I'm living at home. Indiff. Bed room but still at home.
Yes, I should have divorce papers this week. My wife isn't the type for veiled threats. I will have them soon.
I did not go to my family trip this weekend. I was asked not to go because she was going to address nuclear exposure. I got a call from her dad and he was hysterical (I love you. I'm sorry, etc).