Your wife is trying to scare you away from interfering with her affair. I don't think the OMW knows and I wonder if the "brother" is really the OM.

What has come of your workplace exposure? HOW did you expose and to WHOM?

Have you exposed the affair to all of her family? Have her parents spoken to her?

See, I do not believe the affair is over and you have to do a more comprehensive exposure at work and to the OMW. I find it very odd that her workplace would send her on a business trip to meet up with the OM if they really know about her affair.

Many no fault states DO take adultery into account. Have you really looked into this?

The end is near. I was paying bills today and saw where a $2500 check was cashed today made payable to my wife's attorney. My wife proceeds to tell me that it is her retainer. She then asks me where the papers should be delivered to me or my attorney. I politely told her my attorney and then excused myself. My wife doesn't bluff...

BX, don't despair, this is far from over. I think she is doing this to get you off her back and scare you into submission. Have you moved and hidden your money so she doesn't wipe you out? I would move your money and take her off any credit cards now.

p.s. I would also look into getting a great father's rights attorney. Do you have an attorney?

Yes, I have an attorney and have moved money into an account that she doesn't know about yet (as far as I know). Unfortunately, her brother is our financial advisor so he can see that money was removed from our account.

This is an expensive scare...

BX, did you expose this affair? To whom?

I exposed to my wife's family, OM's family including his wife. Didn't expose to job yet...I know, I know what you are going to say, finish it. I have been saving my bullets.

I have been monitoring cell phone calls and email as bet I can and there has been no contact that I can tell. Wife also says it's over but we all know that could be a lie.

At what point do you accept the affair is over especially if the wife doesn't send a NC letter? She isn't sending a NC letter because she says it's over. I am getting a VAR for her car once she gets back from her sales meting...that should confirm my suspensions.

You can begin to accept that the affair is over when they no longer work for the same company. That isn't going to happen until you expose at the workplace.

What are you saving your bullets for?

You seem determined to try and combat this affair your own way. That doesn't seem to be bringing you success. Have you noticed that yet?

On June 9th you were asked

You replied

Today you said

So what is going on here? Are you playing games with this board?

You were also told to speak to OMW in person, since there is a possibility that the Facebook message to her was intercepted by OM. I cannot see that you have pursued this.

Your wife has paid a retainer to a divorce lawyer. She seems to be serious about leaving you. Are you serious about ending this affair?

Trickle exposures usually are just enough to piss off the affairee but not enough to end the affair. It pissed her off just enough to come after you.

If you are serious about saving your marriage you should expose this affair completely and thorougly ASAP with no reservations. Don't bring a pea shooter to a gun fight, my friend, you will just get your [censored] shot off.

Dont be afraid to tell the truth if you didnt follow advice. But be honest or these great peeps cant help you.
Now get it done nothing left to save a bullet for if she has already retained a L.
Your clock is ticking...tick...tock

Am I the only person that believes that an affair can die "naturally"? Meaning that one of the wayward spouses sees the error of his/her ways and decides to not pursue it anymore. Can a person decide that they have made a bad decision on their own? If you expose to family of everyone involved can they not assist in ending an affair? Am I being totally naive?

I'm not questioning the effectiveness of everyones advice. I've visited this site for a while and followed almost all of the advice (except exposure to work). I know what is at stake by not exposing to her work and I am prepared for the ramifications of that. I want everyone to know that I value your opinions and will continue to ask for advice and hopefully I get more.

This, in addition to the reality that my wife wants a divorce, I need to sit for a bit and focus on my plan for the future and not worry about everything else. Isn't that part of Plan A? I'm alone this week with my kids and I'm going to treasure the time together.

I may get divorce papers this week, I may not. If I do, I know that I did my best to try and save my marriage by being a great husband and father for the last 2 months. If my WW doesn't appreciate these things and believes the grass is greener alone (eight people I have spoken to and trust says its over, again I may be dumb) then so be it.

There are people who are destined to be together. But until both people want the same thing (trusting and loving marriage) then we can't to it alone. Right now I am doing it alone and will keep doing it until we reconcile or she decides she doesn't love me anymore and ends this herself. You all know by now that we can't change someone as much as we try or want to.

The crack addict does not, barring a life-changing event (sometimes even then) suddenly decide that he does not want to get high anymore.

You have to rip the crack pipe out of their hands.

You are being TOTALLY naive....(coming from a former WW...)
You are discounting the addiction factor.
She wants a divorce, because of the affair.

She needs you to be the hero -- and instead you are gonna let her figure it out for herself. Nice. That is NOT a great husband in my book.

You're gonna do it "your way". Good Luck.

The only way I see that you could possibly skip exposing in the workplace is IF they didn't work together. I believe all affairs die naturally sooner or later IF the BS doesn't kill it themselves. Most AP's find out pretty quickly that after the thrill is gone so is the attraction and the compatibility. So if your willing to chance that its your life and your Wife. Experience is a good teacher and DrH has plenty, surviving an A is already a long shot. By not following the narrow path your stacking the odds to not be in your favor.
Remember the thrill you first had with your first girlfriend? Could anyone separate you from her then? No, you would walk through broken glass barefoot to see her. So will a wayward. EN's are so powerful that we will ruin our childrens/family's lives to have them met. In many ways much stronger than crack/drug addictions. We will give up wonderful careers all of our money, our homes our cars. We cant survive without them being met for very long!
If I was you I would be fighting mad at this POSOM and he would feel my wrath at his work and all his co-workers would know what he and my WW was up too. I would strike him financially, emotionally and seek to destroy him. But hey that's just me.