You are giving your WH a chance to pull his head out from his butt, and for you both to recover, and for your marrigae to grow.

That is admirable and deserves respect. Hang in there Indie

LOVE me some Lexxxy girl.

Yes we have no kids, yes I will prob be better off without him and yes this is leading to some day dreams of freedom!!

Plan B is about me, knowing that I can look back and know I did everything. He will never be able to find me at some low point in the future and talk me around - I will be able to say "I lifted you from the fog, I gave you every opportunity".

I dont think he will rise to those opportunities, dont think he has it in him. His problem, not mine.

Btw Im pretty sure the no kids thing is a ruse - came up in a very weird way when he was in the fog.

It was a way for him to be her babysitter with my approval. Hes always gone on and on about ids.

But children would be one of my conditions, yes.

The whole "no kids" thing came up to give him a convenient excuse to be spending wayyyy toooo much time with blackwidow and kids. It gave him a family to try on for size.

But Indie -- be really careful about this -- because it would be a huge mistake to bring children into this union. No no no. Not until it measures up to MB standards!
And that might take a year or two....

No, I am not even in a position where I know whether I want to be with him - let alone want to have children with him.

It is a question of steps. Before embarking on recovery (which I may not even do) I would simply want an honest answer to the question of whether he wants children some day.

So earlier I texted him, in reply to the 'why would I' I said 'to spend time with the coolest person you know!' He replied 'Why would you want to have coffee with someone having an affair', and that he didnt want to have coffee with someone accusing it.
It was HIS idea we meet up!!!!! He was possibly hoping I would refuse this so he could do some more bad guy painting about me. However he has well and truly thrown his toys out of the pram now.

My attempt to reply to the last text failed - he may have blocked me from his phone or something?

Bit lost as to next step, should I email him another memory then proceed with plan B letter?

I'll let Scotty answer that one but he sounds wacked
What load of crap

The email would go something like this.....

You asked me yesterday why I would want to have coffee with you and that surprised me. Surely you know that I like to be around you. I am deeply grateful to you for many things. The way you always stood up for me, for example. I remember your telling me someone at work had said you 'must be married to a dragon', and you told them they would have to step outside if they were going to talk about your wife in that way. Remember when P criticised me at that party? You were furious and told her straight that you weren't going to have it. You stood up for me at every turn.
When I gave L a piece of my mind for those nasty texts he sent you, I was thinking the whole time that I had to stand up for you, the way you had always stood up for me. I just want to say thanks for all that stuff. Supporting me, being there for me, making me feel safe. Being you.

Yeah its looking very grim isnt it!!!!

Indie,

I like how your letter feeds his "admiration needs" which you stated was high for him.

Given how early you are into this, his negative reactions are not so surprising. That is what they do after exposure.

Don't let it discourage you. Stick to your plan.

(((hugs)))

Thanks. It did feel risky doing all this, but i feel its helping me see clearly and keep my focus on me.

I mean, I was only asking him if he wanted to spend time wih someone cool!! Nothing untrue about it. His responses are undeniably fogged and thats his side of the street to clean up. My side is looking good.

((((Hugs back))))

I am so glad you can see the fog babble from him and take it as that.
I just cant beleive he has the audacity to insist he isnt having an A when its so blatant he is.

keep that amazing strangth up

I'd say that you don't worry about the no go on the invite. Maybe you could go out anyways and take a pic and send it to him.

You aren't going to enter Plan B because of something he does or says. You enter Plan b when you are ready for it. Are you ready yet?

There is a fav text of PM's. It goes something like, "I read in the paper that aliens are coming and taking all of the good-looking people on earth, I'll miss you." The reason this one is so well liked? He won't know if you mean HE is good-looking or YOU are.

I'd say that you do the text, in a couple of days. Get all of your plans finished for Plan B. Figure out all of the things for yourself, and don't worry about how it will impact him(as long as it is legal).

Just wanted to quote me some good Plan B thinking. Great work Indie.

Thanks everyone, just sent the text.

He sent me a reply to my 'admiring' email which is pretty much what you would expect :-

"And again I revert back to what I've sent previously. I'm either doing what you've accused me of - so why even want to speak to me. Or I'm not and since you know me well enough, you'll surely know I'm not best amused with the whole scenario.

On a seperate note I don't care what people think of me, one thing's for sure they can leave my mum and dad out of it. Question my 'class & dignity' fair enough, but not there's.

I've just been to collect my mail (I had to let myself in as you werent home), all I took was one letter & a book that needs returning to the library that was on the table - I never went thru anything else.
I'm waiting on hearing from an interview that's all. As it happened the letter was for my season ticket so I'll be still expecting a letter which hopefully will mean I'm away. Not that it should really matter to you, since I'm apparently up to all sorts."

No idea what he's talking about re his parents. Will just her if shes ok when I drop off the last few things. Is prob just desperate ploy to draw me into an argument.

Dont like him coming here to go through stuff. He's been told to stay away.

Might get legal advice about changing the locks.

Does anyone else find it interesting that he came here to see whether I was in, instead of just replying to the email straight away? Not sure what to make of it, but I do.

Btw, The book was one of hers that I borrowed pre-discovery and was supposed to take back for her.

I hadn't felt like it. Guess he doesnt mind being the errand boy, tho..

Don't engage him in an argument. Let him stew and spew.

Your exposure sure was effective, good job

Now, you could change the locks, and when he discovers it, say that you lost a key and decided for your safety that you would just change the locks and since the two of you haven't been able to get together you couldn't get him one.

About him coming to get the book for OW, it was probably just an excuse(which I am sure you already figured out).

That's the beauty of MB, you have a plan and you have tonnes of people with all of these experiences and WAywards always seem to follow a pattern. It's like they all share one, very small brain.