How do you right all the wrong and fix all that is broken?? I am new here and on line infromation in review!!

Hi Rocky! Can you be more specific?

you can with a good plan.........tell us more

Rocky,

You have to "earn" the forgiveness, respect, and trust. You have to rebuild the love that was lost.

It is a rough road but it absolutely can be done!

Start by clicking on the "how to survive infidelity" link at the right and start reading at the beginning. It is the road to recovery if each step is followed.

I am glad that you are here.

Welcome Rocky

Really surprised to see you here.

Glad your here though. MB's may help you 2 put your M back together should the two of you make a decision to try together

For starters read all you can here. There is a ton of free information.

The Basic Concepts also are good for a quick understanding what the site is about and how Dr. Harley learned to save Marriages. It is at the top in the center of the red banner.

Read and ask lots of questions. Many posters will help but the hard wirk is up to you.

nESRE

I have so much more!! Well my husband an I were in a very bad place in our marriage an things just seem to get worse we both new it was wrong but didn't know what to do about it I guess! Not going to make excuses or best around the bush on where we are now! I asked my husband for a divorce kicked him out an started dating someone then moved that person in. I am making the steps to fix what I have done not sure how to go about it all but I want my husband I don't want what our marriage had become before I want what it was suppose to be! We both were wrong in our marriage both made mastaked but I know how I handled things isn't in anyway how I should have I now struggle with the guilt of all but most feel lik he will never forgive an i thought he was mean before I fear to see how he would make me pay for what I have done! I fear that our issues in the marriage that lead us to this point won't get heard or the work because it will always go back to the afair I am willing to do all that is needed but very fearful at the same time! On a good note it wasn't always bad lots of wonderful memories too an we have two boys our baby boy ahh so amazing!! Adorable!! My oldest baby boy is one of a kind very funny sweet!!!

Rocky

Did you kick the young lad out yet who you moved in yet?

That may be a good place to start as a show to Stike 2 that you are serious.

nESRE

Welcome to Marriage Builders, Rocky!

It sounds like you had an affair?

What would you be willing to do to earn your husband's forgiveness if he gave you that opportunity? Like you said, he might never forgive you, but he might give you an opportunity to earn it. It would require alot of very hard work on your part though.

Could you do us a favor and break your posts up so it is easier to read?

As a FWH I am going to tell you at times posters may seem harsh in their responses to you. Some betrayed are raw from the betrayal they have felt with their own situation. There will be a lot of tough questions asked by posters with way more experience than me.

Should a post really trouble you dig deeper into yourself and see what the poster is saying that troubles you. Challenge yourself to learn and grow.

This board does not go easy on waywards.

nESRE

Rocky,

You have made the most important decision to try to fix things, when we do wrong it isn't easy to fix the wrongs but with some hard work and accountability you can have what you are dreaming of........
Educate yourself with the process here and then ask the vets for step by step help.
Listen to them even if it is scary or you think it won't work, you put a plan together with no expectations for a while........you chip away a little every day and you will see your husband will see the changes and respond the way you want.

Your first step is getting rid of the OM for LIFE, he cannot be in your life on any level or your husband will not be able to heal you will not get what you want.
Then you have to be totally transparent with your life and all communication you have with anyone.
Then you PLan A your husband, read up on that......you don't do anything to deplete anything from his love bank for you..........
You become totally honest about everything, and slowly you work through everything..........your new marriage with be based on honesty and working out everything so both of you are happy.
I couldn't be happier you are here and willing.......you should be proud of yourself, you could just walk away but you are here willing to do the work.......that says something about you..........you are still in there just a little lost for a while..............
Take control and change your lives, make it a loving relationship caring about each other...........
talk to you soon
jessi

Rocky, step number one is to end the affair. Have you told your affair partner that the affair is over and is he out of the house?

I am making the changes that I know are needed for things to move forward can't happen over night but I am making them! I know some of what he needs from me not all is clear stil but I am sure it will come slowly

I am trying to do the very simple things lik talk to him and we have never been good at that lol

however it seems to be better, he started doing the work a while ago

while I was still lost but I can tell it's different now when we talk he actually listens to what I am saying

I am trying to listen to him more he just still seems so mad at me rightfully so but I sure wish we were not in this place.

I was angery for so long I just want to let it all go, if I sit and think about certine things I can get to that anger place again easy but I try hard to just not choose to go there

We can't change the past but I guess we have to visit it to get to a future.

I am actually working on that today!

Have you ended your affair and given OM the boot?

Rocky

When I was a WH my W called me out of the blue one day after not talking for about three months. This was before cell phones were even popular or affordable and caller ID.

I had cut all communication with her and exchanges with our son were me waiting by the car as she sent him out or walking him to the door-ringing the bell and when I heard her coming for the door head to the car.

Out of the blue she called me at the OWGF's apt of all places. Had never done that. OWGF and I were going to be moving in together to a new better apt within about a week. I was living in our house that was sold and about ready to be closed on and the OW's.

All my W said was "Baby can we give us another try"

I was stunned. Up to this point in my own twisted mind I didn't even know she wanted me-us or the M or even cared.

I couldn't promise her anything that day. All I said was give me some time to sort this out.

About 2 days later I called her back and said I am moving to XXXX apts by myself. I have a 3 month lease.

I left the OWGF behind dead in the water and lived by myself for 3 months. During that time W and I started seeing each other again.

I did go once to the establishment OW worked in after being back together (with a reliable family friend) with my W and let me tell you there was He!! to pay.

The famous Wayward line-

"Well we were seperated when I went out with her" came out.

That line cuts every person who has ever been betrayed like a sharp knife right between the center of the shoulder blades....

Point of my rambeling is if you want to give Strike a chance then jump in and hold nothing back. Follow this program as best as you can because you two would have the best chance possible to repair your M and possibly make it even better than before.

Get the OM out of your life...PERIOD ----> YOU take the knife and cut him out completely. No back and forth. Never see OM again.

I truely believe now that that one act of cutting out the OW blessed me with many more years of M. Another child. My dream of a boy and a girl were fullilled. Both normal happy and beautiful. Many many happy occasions that I will always be grateful for.

nESRE

Hi everyone, I want to let my wife know how proud of her I am that she has taken this first step. We are still 950 miles away from each other.

Thank you hearing you say you are proud of me means more than you know or would believe right now.

But it truly does mean alot and I thank you!!

There is so much I am sorry for........

I am not sure on how to close the 950ml gap either

Guy's my wife can really use your help. I know we are all waiting for her to end the relationship with her BF because until that happens their is nothing to fix. As for the 950 miles, if or when that will be down the road.

I am 1500 miles from my wayward husband. I decided to relocate back now that he is home from deployment because my kids need him. I see no reconcile in the near future, and that hasn't changed my mind.

I am not going back to reconcile, but I am hoping my WH will see it as my Olive branch for our children. I have four, and realized single parenting is tougher than I imagined.

I didn't want to wake up in ten years and know my WH only saw my children a handful of times because of the 1500 mile gap.

If you want to save your marriage you have to live together.