Thanks!

I dont know what up with me tonight. But I sure miss my stxwh, I dont know why, I'm just lonely. It's hard after such a long marriage to accept the fact that is ended so abruptly, well at least for me- Probably any decent man, who would like to go out to dinner and visit would fill this void.

So I'm trying to shake my funk off me today. I have a hard time at nights and on the weekends because this was our time together. And my little mind dwells on "wow, he's moved on and dating- sleeping with others and I still love him and could not imagine even going to lunch with someone- the poor person would have to listen all about him and my hurt."

Someone asked me the other day "wouldn't it be nice if there was a ticker streaming (like on the bottom of the tv) that stated each stumble our x-spouses encountered?" I laughed and said heck yeah- it sure beats what my mind is creating his life to be.

Then he stated- "well, with time you will not even want that bc you will have recovered from the pain."

Hope that's true.

HavingFaith,
Please, please plan something fun for you and your boys to do this weekend. Something that maybe you always wanted to do, but STBXH wasn't interested or wouldn't commit to being available or whatever. Or something that you've never considered before in your life! Get out there and have some damn fun!!!!!! Make memories with your kids!!!

Hey, I am actually going to CA to visit my brother for the week, he sent us four ticket we leave Saturday. So we will be doing exactly that. We are all very excited.

I had what I'm calling a Senfield job interview today... I've already been angry, shed some tears and now laughed and joked about it... first I get to the interview and I'm waiting... in the hospital waiting area... I look around there is one other lady in there- dressed as my twin.... then at my appointment time a man comes out and ask for HF, I get up and walk up to him hand extended and he says "are you HF?" I reply "yes" Then he looks at my twin and says "are you HF?" She replies "yes" He asked for HF C... I said that's her, as I'm HF M..

Not too bad... when I go in, mind you this is a job at a mental hospital... I ignore these pesky little gnats that are suddenly swarming my head...after being dive bombed (they could have been flies even cause I felt them) I swatted at them... it was a panel interview and one of the ladies looked at me kinda funny, I reply "Gnats didnt ya see them? really they were there?"

Then I lost focus because that was so incredibly stupid to say... I felt I stumbled through the rest of the interview...this bites bc it was a panel interview for several different jobs... so I feel like I missed out about 10 jobs with one bad interview

Of course I became mad at stxh bc I am in the position of I MUST get a job... I've always been lucky and been like well I don't have to work- so no big deal, so the added stress is killing me... then I cried bc I feel like I cant do anything right...

Then my 18 year old gave me a nice little pep talk... saying the right job is out there for you, it might be this one or another one...I explained I've decided when I get back from vacation to expand my search outside of my field... I will contact a recruiter and just see...I can only hope having a masters is beneficial just because I have it...


it's been a day!

Yay!!! I hope you have a fabulous time. You're brother was very sweet to send those tickets to you!



I'm glad you were able to laugh at this after the fact. I am.


Awww HV. I understand what it feels like to be hard on yourself. And you are doing just that. There's probably a blog out there somewhere about humerous interviews gone bad.

I also understand about being mad at someone for pulling the rug out from under your feet. One minute you have plans for the future with your spouse, and then you don't. Lots of adjustments to make while hurting inside to boot. Resentment can follow.

One thing that helped me was to realize that even though stbx is being abusive, and uprooting my life, I choose not to be his victim anymore. Whatever lemons I have to deal with as a result of his choices, I plan to make lemonade out of them. I let go of my resistance to the fallout.

Widening your job search is probably a good idea. Time to employ some creative thinking. Maybe some ideas will come to you while your relaxing and having fun this weekend.

I think it's sweet your son gave you a pep talk.

I hope you have a better day tomorrow kiddo. Chin up, and "keep going".

That's pretty funny!


I'm sorry. Maybe it wasn't as bad as you perceived it to be.

Again, I'm with you on the job angst. I have interviews for two different jobs (and two different employers) tomorrow. The recruiting process for the job I want is moving in super slo-mo, and the process for the job I really don't want is moving lightening fast. Ugh. I have so much to do today to prepare. I want to be prepared to say a lot of really smart things and talk about my successes. I also need to make sure I have all my ducks in a row logistically -- driving directions, figuring out where I'll have lunch between interviews, extra pantyhose, and whatnot. My big fear is that I'll wake up at 3:00 am and not be able to get back to sleep. That happened to me before an all-day interview, and I was definitely off my game by the end of the day (and didn't get a job I really really thought was mine). Ugh. So nervous.

Good luck with the interview... try to stay calm and focused...me, well all I can do is laugh about it and hope I get another shot somewhere.

Here's a way to look at it HF.

If a Mental Health professional couldn't comprehend the comedic value of that situation, would you really want to work for/with them? I mean c'mon, that was funny.

And I don't mean to poke fun at your concerns or hardships. Please don't take it that way. I know that the severity of the reasons your seeking employment make it more stressful. But, at the same time, that doesn't mean you HAVE to put yourself into a position you'll hate.

And be proud of the fact that you're getting interviews. Getting callbacks means you are valuable, especially in a job market like we're in right now.

Keep going, K?

itsaname-
You are right it was funny, just sooo inappropriate. Not very compassionate of me. I talked with my old supervisor today and told him the story- he laughed hard then said "ya know you blew it right?" The crummy part is I've worked in a social service job years ago with bugs crawling all around me and I simply wiggled to keep them off, NEVER responding like that. It was so awful of me to do.

And I had decided that also, if they had no sense of humor about them I probably didn't want to work for them either.

I know your not poking fun at me, it was funny. Believe me- I've been telling my friends and we've all had a big ole laugh.

Thanks for the chin up about getting the calls, my friends are telling me the same thing.

This would make it on there!



I was talking to my sister about this today. That I wonder if recovery from the D is similar to the A. I remember thinking I wish there was an hour in my day that I didn't think about him cheating on me. Now it's everything remind me of him in some way and it bring about very strong feelings.
I suppose with time, I will have an afternoon or a day that he doesn't cross my mind. I cant imagine that day- but I know it will come.

And your right, my goal needs to be- okay I'm in this crappy situation that I don't want to be in... figure out what I want my new picture to look like and make it look like that!

And the rest of my week was much better- well after my five minute pity party.

Yall have a great 4th of July!

Hi HF! How was the weekend with the fam?

HF,
I'm just getting caught up on your posts. How was CA? That's awesome that you could get away for a while.

XWH and I traveled to Europe for a week for his work. Little work on his part, so it was a nice get away for us.

How is everything going....job, D, kids....?

I see you have not posted in several days, I hope that is a sign that you are busy with lots of good things!

We got back Monday, let me tell you I did not want to come home. It was nice to escape reality for a while.

Job- still none
Divorce- going no where...he says he's not going to fight me for the kids, but I don't trust him... I will no loose them...we cant agree on an amount in separating funds... maybe a little time will help or we can mediate it out
Kids- my youngest verbalized that he wishes we could get back together... I simply told him I knew he did but it wasn't going to happen... he repeated "it could though" so he's hanging on... my 12 year old is acting out a little- not bad, he's just not listening... kinda passive aggressive stuff... thank God my 18 year old is behaving...it'd be nightmarish if they all turned on me!

I'm telling you the break away was fabulous...I needed it
Funny I've had several dreams of my sxwh, not the ILY kind more like fighting about separating items kind of stuff. I guess it's my mind working this all out.

Lgtex- glad you got to get away with you husband. How is his job hunt going?

OMG! I hate having to discuss anything with my stxwh. I have not had conversations with him for a while- but I had to let him know all the foundation quotes were in and he'd need to figure out how to pay for them. He wants to take it out of the sell of the house- I told him no bc I need all I can get for a new house- I've explained that before to him...He went on about the money situation and he can't produce more- I suggest a loan....something came up about the current money flow- I told him he needs to watch his spending I had to have work on my car...he became hostile and wanted to know where I took it, I told him the little local shop, it wound up being the battery. he wanted to know what they charged- I told him it was free for them to look at it and they sent me to walmart for a new one bc they are cheapest around here...he then got upset bc the current battery was under warranty with the dealership- I said "listen, I'm doing the best I can here. I did not keep up with the maintenance on the car. I'm not like the girl your staying with- I have no handy man to do these things for me. Get off my back."

That pretty much ended the conversation. I'm emailing copies of the foundation quotes, he can stew on them for a bit.

He just makes me mad.
HF

Well it visit weekend which means I "get" to see my STXWH...actually I've managed to make him mad already- as I called to get the ok to put the kids new car on the insurance, he brought up pick up time... he gets them at 10 am and one of the kids is going on a church mission trip and has to be at the church to pack up at 9 am...he wanted to know when it would end I said I wasnt sure- typically an hour or two... he then started in on "oh well the problem is gonna be what do I do if they aren't done till 11"

My response "hmmm, IDK I deal with that issue 7 days a week. I'm sure you will figure something out." I'm applying love and logic parenting techniques to him...LOL...

He was frustrated said "fine- talk to you later and hung up."

Typically, he would have squirmed in "why don't I get them at X time." I say whatever, then document, and be mad. I'm not mad, we'll see if he gets the others at 10... I don't have plans till one so I'll hang out and play with them till he shows if he's late.

I guess I'm tired of the threats of taking them and his BS of not working at being a parent... because believe me- I'm fine with them spending less and less time with him- its more time for me with them.

Hi HF
Dang, I've really neglected the MB site! When does school start??!!

Any forward progress on the D? you mentioned earlier a 60/40 split... in your favor I'm assuming, is he still going for that? can he fight it since you have not worked for years?

Job search?? any luck?

FWH is still looking w ice, but (all Feds) are in a hireing freeze till Oct.



I love that book!

You sound as though you are doing/feeling better about your sit. I know it still sucks! but at least you sound like your having some better days.

How are the kids doing?

Lgtex-
Thanks for checking in. School starts around the 20th of August.

Forward movement on the D? Well I talked with my attorney last week and she wanted to give me a little more time to find a job, bc that would be in my best interest.

The jack wagon called yesterday to give me the heads up that a settlement proposal is on the way. He is ready to be done with the D and move on- which is fine, except I dont have a job.

He would not go into the details because there were so many details- I need to read over it. The only thing he said was he would pay the house note- yet not as much in child support. The problem is I dont have the money bc I have no job to pay for anything...

So I thought well he can just have the house and I'll move in with my family... then it dawned on me that my kids dont want to leave here and they may say "can I just live with dad"

OMG I would die if I lost them...I know I am in a panic state of mind but I cant help thinking this is my reality...

how is the job hunting going?

possibly sell the house under value, get rid of it, and move on?? I would hate to do that, but....

once the house is sold will you still get the same $$?

how are you doing? having some fun occasionally?

We've been soooo busy w kid stuff, kinda looking forward to school.

Hey Lgtex!

The job hunt still sucks... I do get beat down with rejections...as if I hadn't had enough... over qualified is the biggest problem...something will open soon...

the house still is not on the market bc I have given my stxwh the paperwork for the foundation repair and nothing... his attorney sent over a proposal for separation...which would essentially cause the house to go into foreclosure...I sent a response to my attorney- so we are waiting...

Yes I have been having some fun, I'm really blessed with some great friends and family. I am at the point where I really want to move on and finalize things...when I say move on, it's like I'm living this nightmare of no job, no idea of what the future holds (where I'm gonna live) etc... I'd like that settled... no like move on to a new relationship... oh my, that thought scares me... there are some special people out in the world.. I seem to stumble upon them... I need a big stick to whack them away

Hope all is well with you guys!