This is SUCH a nice thing to say. Truthfully my heart was pounding when he knocked on the door at first but I started realising how ridiculous it all was and began laughing.

Cant help taking satisfaction in it really.

Im fine thanks Scotty. He's blocked on email, work email, FB, just need to sort out phone.

I am actually going away this weekend. To the country where there is no cell reception! what a happy accident that is eh?

Really looking forward to my trip tomorrow. Heard something I didnt like though today.

My uncle bumped into softlad's dad the other day. My Uncle said "Been hearing lots of stuff about your son".
Softlads dad: "He isnt having an affair you know".

This was hard to hear as he's always been very nice to me, to the point of helping me with my career. However he is rotten to his wife, SLs mum, very disrespectful, lazy, inappropriate with other women.

Says is just 'innocent flirting' though. Since being on here ive become more convinced than ever hes a wayward too. (Softlad hates his dad and would hate to be compared to him)

I shouldnt really be surprised though. Hes also very 'holier than thou' involved with the church and stuff. Seen a lot of that on here - being holy or respectable as cover.

I never really exposed to his dad directly, just Softlads mum, who i showed the texts to while i still had the phone.

His dad wasnt home and I had to go before softlad showed up.

Feel like confronting him on this one, but am prob overreacting.

I guess he knows the real story and is just putting a desperate, wayward face on things....

Sorry to hear that indie
SLs dad could be a wayward if he is disrespectful to all women including his wife
Yeah the holier than thou can be like smoke and mirrors I agree
Hang in there but I think you found another piece of the puzzle

When I get through all this, I may give softlads mum a VAR as a gift!!!!

It would only be paying it forward, doubt she'd use it though.

Remember that being in Plan B, you need to protect yourself from even hearing anything about Softlad. You should try to minimize your thoughts about him, and if others bring him up, you should politely tell them that you don't want to hear anything about him as it would be difficult to heal being reminded about him. It isn't something that the "normal" world understands. I know my BIL always wanted to be informed about whatever his WW was doing. He still tries to get some things in now and again, thinking I would want to hear about it and not understanding when I say that I really don't.

Hang tough. You are doing GREAT

Having rough time, went away and had a great weekend, came back to third hand threats.

Softlad told my BiL to tell my sis that he isnt happy with the go-between and wont use that email. That if I want a rough divorce ill get one(havent done anything to sugggest I do) Tht he isnt happy with my changing the locks.

My sis also put in her opinion that she doesnt blame him for not wanting to use the go-between, that im one day offering him out for coffee, next day not seeing him. I told her I dont need this.

Really furious.

I told her and to tell BiL that I wont be accepting any messages thorugh them and they can say that if they get asked to do it again. She turned down the change to mediate, she thinks I should do it. However she did agree to say what I asked her to.

Ok should we call her softsis?
Don't be discouraged
Don't use them then
Have it be your lawyer if he wants to play toughlad
You don't have to talk to him and I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of hearing, seeing, or knowing anything about you now

Stand strong it's good that your furious someday it won't effect you so strongly

Someday you will find some real support locally

All waywards throw a hissy fit when they first enter Plan B. My own WH refused to use the IMs, and still sort of passes messages through our children.

Thing is, you don't give him a choice. You refuse to communicate with him any other way. Next time that he attempts to circumvent your IM, he hears CRICKETS. You don't even acknowledge that a message has been received. NOTHING.

I'll tell you this, most people out there find MB to be foreign to them. They don't understand it. They think that things should be the way that they have always been. MB was counter-intuitive to me, now it has become a way of life. It makes sense. I drank the "kool-aid" and I like the taste.

Be patient with the people around you and explain it to them(as much as they are willing to listen). Tell them that this program that you are following is one that was made by a psychiatrist who has saved THOUSANDS of marriages from adultery. That you have chosen this program and you would like their support in your choice.

In a short time, they will see you doing much better. They will start to respect the choices you have made. Some of them may even want to read the books or check out the site, that's what happened to me.

Yeah I am choosing to view it as a hissy fit. It just means what ive been doing is working.

Most of the people in my life are fully behind me, even people dead against the plan b letter have come around because they see how well ive been doing.

My sis is at a disadvantage, shes been so sick she so shes only been getting half the story and isnt as caught up as other people.

Because BiL is softlads friend too, theyve comein the firing line of threats and I think these threats ahve worried them

Shes feeling better and we should get an opportunity to talk next week. Just that today I got a great glimpse of how bad it would be to talk to him and get sucked into the drama.

And that's one of the great benefits of Plan B. I am glad that you are seeing some benefits so quickly, it should help keep you focused on what you need to do. Keep tough.

Have lots of things to sort out and being in Plan B will give me the strength to start this week I think. I think seeing a solicitor is step one, but seem to struggle getting an appointment/time off but that will happen shortly I think.

Because I cant do the college course I want until september 2012 Im thinking of taking advantage of the time and completing my ambition of travelling (funds are low but cruise ship work looks good). I would need to either buy him out of the house or arrange to split any rent raised with him. We wouldnt be able to sell the house any time soon and if I left it empty, he could break in or insist on living here.

Keeping his share in the house alve while renting it out would be a huge hassle as its a lot to liaise with him, plus hes said in the past he wouldnt want to rent this place out and might not agree to it.

How does dividing marital assests, like buying him out of the house, sit with Plan B? Is going abroad also in line with Plan B?

From what Ive read and understood, it is very Plan B, because you focus on yourself. But I would appreciate some feedback because I dont see how it would fit in, should he suddenly decide to agree to NC while I'm halfway across the world!?

Tips appreciated!

Ok, well seeing a solicitor/legal advice makes it easy doesnt it to put that in his/her hands? If softlad doesn't accept your buyout, then you could force him to accept you renting the house right? More advice from the solicitor but then, they could handle those details.

If you are halfway around the world living your life during plan B, and he comes to his senses and swears no contact, and most importantly, you decide you want to give it another go, so let him wait and sweat it out a bit till you get back. Again he will have no idea of your reaction, because it will just be a message through IMs.

No problems from what I can see with plan B.He can wait X # of months untill you get back while he gets the books, studies what he should be, and even pays for some good counseling from the center. You can both live with each other at his new place or yours, after you get back, and after you recover. I would not rush back into the house together at that point, I would keep it a seperate deal for awhile.

Till then imagine the husband you wanted, the one he can be, and make him jump through the hoops if he says he wants back in.

Don't be soft on softlad, he will remain squishy

As long as all of your dealings with him are through your I'm or lawyer, I don't see how that wouldn't be in line with Plan B. Also, going on a cruise and travelling would fall into Plan B as well, as long as you aren't dating anyone else and as long as you are keeping your boundaries HIGH.

Remember, you are more suseptible to a RA(revenge affair). As long as you stay focused on yourself it is all good

You are doing good. Let's just make sure that you are able to get others to not twll you things about your WH anymore.

Thanks CP and Scotty.

Theres no danger of going soft on softlad CP!!!

Scotty, have been thinking about my risks of an RA, but think I am just as tough on the 'enemy within' as I am on softlad and his blackwidowspider. Hope so anyway. The biggest chances of defeat lie in my going crazy for revenge or longing to go soft on him.

I will stay the course....

Have had a few vultures circling me anyway. Any which cross the line will discover what confetti made out of b0ll0cks looks like. I dont think im in danger of going all gooey over the sort of man who would be interested in a married and vulnerable woman.

Hopefully fun, happy sunshiny times are enough to keep me happy and mentally tough.

Funny you called her blackwidow spider.

Back in 1982, I was seeing a girl around the time I met my STBW to be. She was a pretty smart girl, and we were not seriuos really, because she respected that I was going to school and being seriuos was not in my plans. But we had respect for each other in many ways.

When my STBW came into the picture, the girl and I happened to be eating some homemade lasanga<sp> I made, and I offered some to STBW also, just being cordial and polite. So there was an exchange in conversation, innocent enough I thought, but my date smiled and said, "I don't know CP, seems a little fishy, I think she is weaving a web for you". (Probably because of late wifes flair for the dramatic and something she said). From there on the girl refered to her as, "Spiderwoman" and she said "Shes weaving a web!", laughing and joking.

Yeah those Damsels in Distress sure can do a job on you, just like those lost puppies girls find out there.

Hang in there Indie.

So I had a good talk with my sis and she had already digested a good part of what I had to say. She says she just wants to know what she should and shouldnt tell me - not just direct messages from him but whether she should tell me things she hears about him. I told her just hearing a little bit of his bile had flattened me for a day and a half. Shes now totally on board with plan B. So is BiL apparently. This is easy.

Finding plan B massively relaxing. I dont have to think about him, theres no way to check up on him, I know he has no way of contacting me, so him not contacting me doesnt hurt.

I know he has a high fence to jump, but theres nothing to recriminate myself for because I left an opportunity availiable to him, he just has to be worthy of taking it.

In a nutshell, there you go. True and the bottom line.

Yay for stating it!

Exactly!

But do see the solicitor so to get good legal advice in your country. Make sure if you do choose to work on an exciting cruise ship (love cruises) that your property and income/monies saved are SAFE from the greedy hands of selfish waywards.

Again, this softlad needs to make himself one day worthy of the fabulous Indie!

Indie, I am so glad that you are feeling better. I am also glad that those around you are starting to come around. It' good to have support IRL.

You're doing GREAT. Remember that this is a marathon not a sprint, expect that there may be some down days and they may sneak up on. We will be here for you and we all understand. Stay strong you are AMAZING.

Thanks everyone. Your support keeps me happy too.