Well, last night I noticed she wasn't wearing her ring. I asked her where it is, and she said she just forgot to put it on. I'm pretty sure something is going on with someone else, but I just don't have the heart or the energy to pursue it.

She said our relationship has always been so amazing because of the trust and the fact that we are best friends. Is she doesn't feel any of that anymore and can do something like this to us, then I figure, what's the point?

One of my best friends (female) suggested I just stop talking to her all together, since she's been talking about needing nothing from me and needing space. She said let her figure out what's going on in her head. She really feels that she's going through some type of midlife crisis. She's stopped talking to her good friends that she used to talk to almost everyday.

She also mentioned that my wife seems to be going through the same motions that her mother has done for years. Shutting people out and going into some type of depression mode.

Last night, she came home from work and said she was going upstairs to clean out all the old stuff in our room. She stayed up there most of the night. I went swimming with the kids and played with them most of the night. Got them ready for bed and we sat and watched a movie. Around 9pm, my wife came down and sat on the other couch behind her laptop.

When I went up to bed, there was an old Valentine's Day card that she had gotten for me laying on my side of the bed. At one point, while she was up there cleaning, she had junk piled all over the bed. She eventually cleaned all that stuff up and made the bed. Why would she have left that single card there?

We got up this morning, and I didn't say a word to her. She didn't say anything back either. I got the kids up and ready for the babysitter and we both just left for work our separate ways.

What is her experience with saving marriages? What are her credentials in this field? What is her plan for you to save your marriage?

Were you interested in saving your marriage? Can we help you, Sir?

Yes, I want to save my marriage.

If you do, then the first step is to snoop and find out what she is doing. Find out as much as you can without giving yourself away. Don't ask her, just quietly find out who it is, his marital status, etc and then come back here. We can help you with next steps.

I would most definitely talk to her and be as pleasant as possible. Don't agree to any destructive ideas like giving her "space" or moving out, divorce, separation, anything. We can help you turn this around, Helpmesaveit. I want to give you hope, my friend.

She told me this morning that there is someone else, but it didn't start until after our problems. She said she's sorry and she can't make herself feel a certain way. She said she's moving downstairs until we get things sorted out with the kids and financially, then she's moving out. I'm completely devastated right now. I can't believe this has come to this.

I am so sorry. Ok, so she is having an affair. Who is the OM? You need to know everything about him.

I'm trying to find out.

Help, I know you are devastated, but this is FAR from over. We have turned around worse cases than this. So please don't give up hope.

The way to save your marriage is to kill her affair. The way to kill her affair is to expose it to everyone in a strategic and methodical way. We can help you do this in the most effective way. Just find out who it is, if he is married, and then we can help you with next steps.

Also, make sure she understands that she is committing adultery and you won't stand for it. DEMAND that she end her affair. Her "feelings" do not justify adultery. Is it ok if your child shoplifts or shoots up heroin just because he "feels" like it? Of course not.

Let her know in no uncertain terms that you will not stand for her ADULTERY and she must end her affair. [use the words adultery and affair]

p.s. I would click on notify and ask the mods to move this thread to the Surviving an Affair forum.

I've found out who he is and he is not married.

How do you think she communicates with the OM? Via computer? At work? A hidden cell phone? Will she tell you who the OM is? Have you asked?

What do you know about him? And who told you this?

She told me.

ok, find out if he is married and what he does. Where does he live, work? What do you know about him?

Do you know his name? If so, look him up on facebook right now and copy and paste all his facebook contacts into a WORD doc. Can you go do that?

Help, I know you are devastated, but you have work to do right now. You have a marriage and your children's family to save. If you focus on solving this problem, I promise you feel much better.

Did you ask the mods to move this to Surviving an Affair?

You need to find out on your own if he is married. Don't rely on what your wife says.

I know his name and got his facebook friends. Now what?

Is he married? Where did she meet him?

What I would do is plan a massive exposure. Affairs thrive on secrecy so exposure is ruinous. Exposure should be done all on the same in order to get the most impact.. The more people who know about the affair, the more opportunity for some one to get through to her.

Make up a list of exposure targets and calmly start calling and emailing them. Ask them all to use their influence to persuade them to end the affair. You should also send out private messages to the OM's Facebook friends and ask for their help. (we have a sample letter) if this is a workplace affair, then human resources should be notified.

Here are good exposure targets:

1. Her parents, your parents, the OMs parents
2. Close friends and siblings
3. The OM's wife
4. Your children
5 OMs Facebook friends
6 the workplace

How old are you and your WW?

A few things:

Breathe. You�ve just suffered one of the greatest blows to a person�s security, emotions, safety, and feelings that anyone can go through. The emotional response to infidelity is the same as rape.

So, what do you need to do now?

Stay calm, for one. Don�t make any rash decisions. You need to come here for advice. We�ve been in your shoes and some of us have saved our marriages, some of us haven�t, but we all have the advantage of hindsight to give you guidance on the path to follow.

You need to snoop. You�ve started doing so, but you�re only scratching the surface. You have confirmation that she�s having an affair, but you need to get some more info.

So you know who he is. Find out if he is indeed married or not and/or has a girlfriend. It�s very common for OM to have someone else in the picture.

You need to be in evidence gathering mode right now.

The next and most important step to saving your marriage is the hardest to do, especially for betrayed husbands for some reason. You must expose the affair to anyone and everyone who can influence your marriage. That means you expose it to family, close friends, and especially to everyone on his side of the equation. Expose him as a man who goes after married women.

You must do this without warning. Any warning will backfire on you big time.

Exposure will make her furious. She�ll convince you it�s over for sure. Well, we�ve heard it all before. Exposure brings the affair out of the shadows and into the light.

Finally, make it 100% clear to your WW that divorce will not be a pretty path to follow. Let her know that you will fight for everything, down to the last fork in the house. Tell her that if she goes down the path of divorce that you will ask for sole physical and legal custody of the kids and for spousal support.

Will you get it? Not likely. But defogging her involves making her see that there are consequences to going down that path.

95% of your battle is psychological. It involves defogging her and doing that requires that you upset her by doing things that disrupt her affair and make divorce hard.

I say this to you as a man who DIDN�T follow the advice given here and paid for it big time. I thought I knew better. I thought my situation was unique. It wasn�t. It was very typical.

Follow our advice and you stand a chance to save your marriage. Choose your own path and we can guarantee that you�ll fail. Take it from someone who was in your shoes and thought he knew better.

She told me it's mostly due to my sexual problems. I've never been able to last that long in bed. A few years ago we began introducing vibrators and such into our sex, so that she would be satisfied. I new at times, she was disappointed when I would ejaculate quickly, but I never realized how much it was hurting her until about 2 months ago, when we talked about it. She began crying as she told me about how it made her feel. At that moment, I woke up and decided to seek medical advice.

She said it is too little too late. That it went on for so long, and she tried for so long, that now the hurt is too deep for her. And that it was selfish that it took me so long to take action seeking out help.