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Rocky ....I thought you were just a drive-by WW trying to milk MB for enough intel to suck the BH back into a 3 person marriage so you could keep both guys.

I was wrong about you, please continue your efforts!!




FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
DS 14, OC-D 12 (given up for adoption), DS-8, DD-5
D-Day#1 10-12-1998
D-Day#2 2-10-2008
Recovered!
RMX #2526663 07/09/11 01:21 PM
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My husband told his family today he getting it handed to him

He is hurting an I keep trying to get him to talk to me about it

Don't blame him for not wanting to I am the cause of his pain

I am the reason he is going through this with

His family I want to make him feel better I want to be there right now
to be there for him I sent him a text telling him I was sry he was in this position because of me

I was here for him an he could talk to me about it I love an miss him

I am almost to the point to just pack up the boys drive the 950mls to him and
just figure out the details once there I know that's not very responsible but idk

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I personally think you should just pack up and be there for your husband. It might be the more responsible thing to do and it would show him you are willing to do whatever it takes to put the family back together again.
Good luck with the recovery process!


FWW?
no children
D-day Sept 2010
Divorced requested by BH Jan 2011
Separated Sept 2011
OW discovery Oct 2011
Divorced 2012
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Rocky

Got the car packed and full of gas yet?

Serious as a heart attack.

nESRE

WW27 #2526671 07/09/11 01:41 PM
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He is trying to protect me from what his family is saying doesn't want to cause me pain. I told him that I am the cause and I deserve to take what they have to say

That I need to protect him from this!!!

nesre #2526673 07/09/11 01:44 PM
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Originally Posted by nesre
Rocky

Got the car packed and full of gas yet?

Serious as a heart attack.

nESRE


I am searching online now for a place for us to stay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Keep moving Rocky! It's easier to keep momentum! Don't stop moving.

You see the goal and it's worth all of the effort!


Me - 46
Wife - 43
2 x DD
Married 18 yrs - known each other for 22 yrs
Woke up 12/2009 and realized I was an idiot for neglecting my WIFE!
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Originally Posted by Rockydugan
He is trying to protect me from what his family is saying doesn't want to cause me pain. I told him that I am the cause and I deserve to take what they have to say

That I need to protect him from this!!!

Rocky

His family will take time. The best way way you can show them you are trying to undo the past is by how you treat S2 today. The rest will work out with his family in time. You and S2 need to be together to make that happen.

YOUR consistant good actions will Change their feelings towards you with time. Takes time.

Feelings follow actions always.

nESRE

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Rocky

Please be safe about this if you are going to go.

Is your vehicle mechanically sound for this far of a trip with you and the children?

Are you confidant enough with yourself to drive that far?

Just checking. Want you all to get there safe if you are really going.

nESRE


nesre #2526686 07/09/11 02:37 PM
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idk about about vehicle always been my husbands domain I am terrified about driving that far with both boys I have

drove it plenty before but our oldest son was not a baby and I hate driving on the interstate with the boys to begin with idw but with both of them an youngest being a baby..........scary!!!


We are waiting to here back about a town house not much rental property availible in that area frown

hope to hear something back today!!!!!!!!!!

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Originally Posted by Rockydugan
idk about about vehicle always been my husbands domain I am terrified about driving that far with both boys I have

drove it plenty before but our oldest son was not a baby and I hate driving on the interstate with the boys to begin with idw but with both of them an youngest being a baby..........scary!!!


We are waiting to here back about a town house not much rental property availible in that area frown

hope to hear something back today!!!!!!!!!!


Rocky

Progress. Small steps in the right direction.

Hope that THouse is available!

nESRE

Last edited by nesre; 07/09/11 03:05 PM.
nesre #2526697 07/09/11 03:50 PM
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Hi Rocky,

There came a time during my affair that I moved out of the marital home, rented an appartment, furnished it, etc...

I crashed, and I asked my wife if she would be willing to have have me back in her life again as her husband. Thankfully she said yes!

There were many things that I had to clean up once the recovery began.

The first was full disclosure of everything my wife wanted to know.

The second was a NC Letter.

I moved back home once my wifes conditions were all agreed to.

The next pressing issue was dealing with an apartment and all the belongings.......

Regarding The Apartment;
We agreed the best thing to do was turn the apartment key back in to the rental company and ask them to find another tennent. I continued to pay the rent until a tennent was found (6 months later). We also agreed to donate everything in the apartment ,except my personal effects (clothes & papers), to the Salvation Army. I paid some young men to pick it all up and move it there for us.

I made sure to protect my wife completely along the way, being extremely transparent and caring.

another issue I addressed quickly was making ammends to all friends and family, being honest with them about my adultery and asking them for forgiveness. I also asked them to support and pray for my wife regardless of how they felt.

I've outlined many of the steps for a wayward to lead a recovery in a thread mentioned earlier, called Extraordinary Precautions. Please take the time to read it.


I hope you will begin taking the steps necessary toward your husband and begin rebuilding your marriage quickly.

Last edited by HerPapaBear; 07/09/11 03:54 PM.




Recovery began 10/07;

Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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well let's just say didn't go well with the family My husband having a hard time dealing and trying to protect me if he post about it please help him

I tried to explain to my husband they couldn't think any worse of me than I thought of myself to just let me be there for him and protect him..................................

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My husband goes to look at the town house tom. I think it's availible now will know more tom!


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Originally Posted by Rockydugan
well let's just say didn't go well with the family My husband having a hard time dealing and trying to protect me if he post about it please help him

I tried to explain to my husband they couldn't think any worse of me than I thought of myself to just let me be there for him and protect him..................................

Here's the thing Rocky,,,, The extended family has every right to be upset with you and they also have a responsibility to remind your H how dangerous you've been......

That being said.....

Your actions are what will be judged from this day forward. And rightfully so!

Expressing your sorrow, guilt and shame are but a small portion of true repentance. Verbal expressions will not get you very far. Actions are necessary as the PRIMARY ingredient in true repentance!

Until your husband, children and extended family SEE the actions in the form of "Just Compensation" combined with "Extraordinary Precautions", they will remain skeptical.


The difficult questions for a betrayed spouse to discern;

Are you truly remorseful for all the damage you created?

OR

Are you just sorry that you have to live with all these consequences.

Which is it for you????

This recovery will take time and a great deal of work on your part, OK!

Last edited by HerPapaBear; 07/09/11 08:48 PM. Reason: added a line




Recovery began 10/07;

Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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The family hating me doesn't concern me really I grown to get use to it what my husband is going through because of what I did does consern me

They do have every right to think what they do as for everyone else my husband shouldn't have to deal with this or any of the other stuff that comes along With what I have done

Suffering the cons. For what I have done should be mine to suffer not my husbands

No go on the town house not kid friendly husband says no way to apartment so at this point idk when we will be back under one roof

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Keep going Rock, wheres that famous fighting spirit of yours? Remember his posting on here he is proud of you? So if town house a no go, whats your next option?


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Rocky,

Quick story.

About 4 years ago at a party of about 15 people, almost all married couples, we were playing cards and some were watching a game about 4 feet away. In cocktail chat over cards, the affair subject came up randomly, and one of our friends �Jane� just blurted out �well, John had an affair 2 years ago.� Note that �John� was just 3 feet away. Well, after about 10 seconds of awkward :), we all discussed and here's some snippets of what was said and what �John� said:

�John, really? How you be such a di-k?�
Well, I was selfish. Hard to believe now.
�John, I can't believe you. You have a perfect marriage!�
Nope, just the opposite. We work on it every day.

Etc.

I won't recant the entire night in 50 pages, but suffice to say that �John� was exposed by �Jane� (some at that party already knew years ago), and they we very open about their own accountability, but never did �John� blame a complacent marriage on his affair. He was then and is still working on regaining trust and credibility from both families, but the point is that he is committed. He recognized that his actions would be the gauge for his commitment versus any words. They are doing great. �John� reminds me very much of GloveOil and Markos.

My point is, you will have a lot of work to do. Forever. Together, and eventually the �work� will be the pleasure for you both (UA time). But, you are DOING the work now, and every day is a new day. Family? Well, think of their doubt as further encouragement for you to enforce your own boundaries.

My friends �Jane and John� say they are so open about his A because, if either of them (obviously another A on �John's� part) they would cause irreparable damage. They set the bar high.

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Listen, and I am in a fiesty mood today...

No, you should not "get used to" his family's judgment of you. What you do by your actions will change their judgment of you. Tomorrow? No. But, in time it will. It's possible that some might never be able to get past your A, but you can't predict that, can you? All you can do is you 100% best, and if some realtionships fall by the wayside? Well, that would be a consequence of your A. Why try to predict?

Just do everything you can right now. As Indie said...get those fighten' gloves on.

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Heck if I know these days even when I think I am making the right choice or the best choice my husband still hurt or upset apartment would be the quickest easy way but he would be misirable town house not kid friendly which was the only one on market in the area

I look online thro everything that has listings the stress of it all my husband doesn't need or deserve i don't feel lik leaving the house to even go to the store or work takes every ounce of energey I have

idk how I am suppose to find new place rent thus place sell everything rent a truck load truck treak it an my car two kids 950 mls but I am going to some how


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