Seraph,

Go to the notable post forum and click on Notable posts and threads.

There is an "exposure" thread by S. Harley. Read this.

Click the carrot/stick link in my sig line.
It's like Cliff Notes for Plan A.

Do NOT confront him.
Not yet.

Now you know.
I'm convinced you'd rather have turned out to be a shrew.
But, honestly, you could not come across as less shrew-like in your posts.

Pay attention to me here.
You are not some nasty biotch who did something to "deserve" this. Don't go there. Don't even try.

People have affairs sometimes.
Affairs do happen in perfectly good marriages.
You got that?

It always makes me worry a bit when someone throws out information like that and disappears. Please tell me you're still playing this smart and cool. It will be easier if you are, but we can help you even if you've made some mistakes in the last almost 8 hours.

How did you find out, what is happening now? We will be much more useful if we have more information.

Bad. Confronted him. And her. And shes gone to confess to her husband. Going to follow up on the "confession". We'll see.

He doesn't love me, doesn't want to be married to me, wants a divorce, doesn't want to end it with her.

Going to read plan a

Can you tell us more about what happened when you confronted them? I would not trust her to go "confess" to her husband, chances are she will spin it. If you have her husband's contact info, please call him NOW. He needs to hear it from you. Don't stop there though, continue on with exposure to others, your family, his family, friends with influence, a pastor.

As for him saying he wants a divorce, they pretty much all say that. Calm down, start making a plan hon. I know you are in great pain right now. Breathe. This has only just begun.

Call everyone now.

You only have one chance to tell your story first, before the waywards try to spin you as crazy.

You're not crazy!

Seraph,

So sorry! Just wanted to encourage you to stay connected here. Most here know EXACTLY what you're going through and will help. Listen to P Meggy.

He's now said that for the sake of our son, he wants a "good" friendshipmwith me. He has agreed to us calling us parents together, and has also agreed to destroy his secret cell phone (!!!) and send a NC letter and delete his secret email account. He's also going to stop playing Warcraft (the game they met on). It's not to work on our marriage, though - it's to be friends for our son.

It's been going on about 2 months (so about 2 weeks before "I love you, but ...") and included phone sex. She lives in the same state as his parents, whom he is visiting, with our son, in Aug, so I think it would have gone physical then.

Too tired to type much more. He's been angry, sad, crying, hurtful - roller coaster. Trying to calm things down and Plan A.

Okay, this is a good start, but you still need to follow up with OW's husband. That poor man has a right to know what's going on in his marriage too.

There's a lot more to do but it doesn't all have to be done tonight. It is CRITICAL that you stay with the plans. You've got a very good shot at recovering your marriage.

That's GREAT that he's willing to both of you calling your parents together. Make sure that happens and he doesn't get the chance to spin anything first.

As far as the NC letter, are you going to use the one from Surviving an Affair?

Don't worry about what he's saying right now. He's pretty much quoting straight from the wayward script. We'll help you deal with this more.

Please don't tell your WH about this place and don't tell him your strategy, okay? In fact, stop all discussions about things for now and try and get some rest (I know, impossible) but just try. When you're fresh tomorrow, come back and let us help you with strategy.

You're going to be okay. Just stick with the plans and I promise you the journey will be much smoother however this ends.

(((Seraph)))

awww dang it

I'm sorry Seraph, I was hoping I'd be wrong. Just want to get this out real fast, took me a few to read this.

ok, now....friends for your son. No. Not going to work.

get in touch with the OW's husband.

Since they did this in a guild, I'd sure expose to the guild leader, and officers at the very ...oh wait, isnt OWH the guild leader? hmm, well, if he gets mad enough, he's going to do that himself.

Definately pull the plug on warcrack, for both of you guys unfortunately.

parental controls on the computer would be a good idea as well.

Don't take his word on the phone and email.

You can't LB him, but tell him if NSZ was there, he'd be lucky to HAVE a computer that worked. Well, maybe not a good thing to tell him. Ugh.

Plan A for sure, but also be thinking plan b. You can only plan A so much before you will hate him.

How are YOU?

((((Seraph)))))

You are in good hands here, and just wanted to wish/pray you a good nights' sleep as you've had a such a hard few days. I know that's a crazy understatement.

Tomorrow is another day to fight the good fight.

Try to sleep and EAT. There's help here.

Relax. You will get through this.

No Lovebusters. Don't give him any excuse for his bad behavior.

Be polite and as upbeat as possible. Learn about Plan A.

It's late so try to sleep, but get any remaining exposure done first thing tomorrow.

He balked, wanted to ask her to wait for him, wow.

Deleted all the mail in his secret account, sent a fairly poor NC letter - wasn't open to input, just glad he did it at all. Did say he won't contact her, she shouldn't contact him. Came in the bedroom and cried. Told me he hated me. Smashed the phone too.

Then wanted to login to Warcraft to tell her to check mail. I suggested she'd do that anyway, and it defeated NC. Which he's obviously not committed to. (didn't say that part).

He stalked around like a lion with a thorn in his paw and is now outside, sitting. Probably crying and hating me.

I want to throw up. He's never been so mean. How does 2 months of an online fling with someone else's wife do this?

I feel hopeless. He hates me, he wants her, he isn't going to keep NC.

He is almost certainly not going to keep NC. That doesn't mean this time is wasted. The fact that he even sent a lame NC letter this soon is encouraging in the long run, just be aware that for a while this will be bumpy.

1. Expect C. It will happen. He is not a broken man yet, only a tiny bit cracked around the edges. We can help you come up with a plan to deal with it when it happens.

2. Carry on your Plan A. This is a critical time for you to pull it together and meet what needs he will let you. He is likely more bonded than he realizes, or he wouldn't even consider staying at this point. Many, many WS's leave at this stage of the game (and many still come back to their families, so don't stress it too much even if he does go). For as long as he's there, you will have greater access for your Plan A, and need to make the most of it.

3. This is not the time to give up hope. This is the time to fight for your M, using the tools we are handing you.

4. Get used to the mean. It'll be around till NC has stuck for a while. It's so typical it's scary. They are all mean, and your WH is no different. So don't let the mean scare you, learn to do what you need to do, regardless of what tantrums he throws. It's not easy, but you can do it.

5. Keep posting. You will have help every step of the way. You will get through this.

This is all show to get you to calm down and to cool the fire you're bringing.

What to do?

Bring hell on him and OW. Exposure brings that. Tell his parents immediately and call OW's husband and tell him.

It sounds counterintuitive, but it works. Exposure kills affairs because it brings them out into the open.

Don't get me wrong. He'll be ticked as heck. He'll tell you that he was willing to save things but that you blew it.

Let him know that you will not be "friends" if you divorce. Give him the reality. Tell him that if he goes that route you will sue for sole custody of your son, spousal support, and child support in addition to everything you own.

You won't get all that, but he doesn't know that. Make divorce look ugly while recovery looks better.

Best of luck. I know this sucks.

you know seraph, it's not JUST the OW he has to deal with right now. We call that game what? WarCRACK. For a reason. That game is stinking addicting all on it's own.

I know it is SO VERY NOT FUNNY, but I laughed out loud when I read where he wanted to 'login to tell her to check mail' You can see/hear the total fogbabble in that line, that's the addict talking there.

So, did he delete the ACCOUNT. not just the email in it, but the whole stinking account!!! That phone? run it over, do something to totally destroy it. Cancel it too.

Remember this famous line. Your marriage can handle the anger, it can NOT handle the A.

Uninstall the game, and I mean everything to do with the game. Dump his toons out of the guild, personally, I would delete the characters, but I know that's an iffy one for a lot of people. I am serious about needing to give up that game. For ever most likely, if not a very very long time.

That way if he did decide to 'login' he'd have one heck of a time doing it on a spur of the moment kind of thing. Make it hard. Hide the authenticator. Password protect his computer, its an addict you are dealing with first. Good news though, they can get over the game far faster than the OP.

But yeah, he's going to be mad. Remember this second line.

You are not doing it to make him angry, you are doing it to save your marriage.


It's hard, but you know what? There are a LOT of better things to do in life than rot in front of that game. Yeah, I miss it a lot too.


Recreational companionship at it's finest in those games. Have to make it together time. Or it gets NO time.

I know that is where my stbxwh picked up several of his 'gamefairs'. The freaking sex phones, just why, that's it, Just want to know WHY. UGH.

Deleted the mail account in front of me, the phone was a prepaid - he hit it with a hammer until it shattered.

Now he's upstairs on the couch crying for her.

I want to vomit. Or die.

OK, I'm still up so will reply as a MB novice, but you'll get a lot more.

Look, Sera, ignore all the smashing of phones, crying, self-centered bull crap. It's all fog-babble, OK? All of it. "Stalking around" is equal to either a 2-year-old that had it's toy taken away or a herion adict that just had his crack-pipe taken away. Take your pick. He's going to be Linda Blair, OK? They ALL are, and nothing new. He'll throw things out at you like "I was going to try, but now I am done." All bull.

Oh, and he's crying outside now? Let that resonate with him. He's not crying over you (sorry) or her. He's crying because he got caught by 2 women that he's been enjoying, and he knows that's gone. This is a temporary state.

Stay cool, sister.