Markos....I feel like I have the stick in a plan A scnario, now I just need to come up with a big juicy carrot.

I don't have any of the books. I need to see if the library has them. I can see how I need to change some things to be more open and understanding in some areas, but more firm and in control of others. Still scared to death because there are so many variables that are unknowns!

I've read so much tonight my brain hurts! Problem is with my ADD I'm going to have to read it all again probably a couple more times! GRRRRR I feel like it is helping me though in pulling together my plan of confronting the OP and demanding NC with my wife! I know it probably doesn't follow all the rules here, but circumstances dictate a little different attack.

I feel so empty right now. I don't want to go anywhere, (don't want to go to church, buy food, or see people), I don't want to e-mail my wife or even have her call me....I don't want to deal with the confrontation, hurt feelings, and anger that I know are ahead of us. There is so much at stake here it isn't funny. I really don't know how I will survive the fallout of my wife's hurt feelings and anger. I know I didn't do what I needed to in order to keep this from happening, although I'm really not sure it would have mattered because the things that I did when I tried to do the MB was pretty much being ignored.....just feeling really low today.

I know the feeling ... I have to read and read and read again to understand something.

Nothing helped for me like listening to the radio show regularly. Massive repetition there, which is just what I needed. Have you given any more thought to sending questions about your situation in to Dr. Harley's radio program? Most people I know get identified there by an anonymous name, if that's a concern.

By the way, something I forgot last night: at this point in time, DO NOT direct your wife to this forum. You need us to help you be a little bit crafty to kill the affair, and since she is going to be on the side of the affair, presently, that will greatly complicate things. You can tell her you have found a plan for marital recovery and invite her to follow it with you, telling her that the two of you can begin just as soon as she ends the affair and establishes no contact.

I am so sorry you are in this situation, Bugs. Some marriages stay bad for years without ever developing something like this, and some become someone's excuse for betrayal.

I would order Surviving an Affair this very day, along with His Needs, Her Needs. HNHN is for you at this point, SAA is for both of you if she finds it and wants to read it.

Bugs, we're gonna help you through this!

I'm praying for you and your wife, Bugs. Refresh my memory; do you have any children?

By the way, something I forgot last night: at this point in time, DO NOT direct your wife to this forum. You need us to help you be a little bit crafty to kill the affair, and since she is going to be on the side of the affair, presently, that will greatly complicate things. You can tell her you have found a plan for marital recovery and invite her to follow it with you, telling her that the two of you can begin just as soon as she ends the affair and establishes no contact.

[color:#000099] Don't worry....I'm anxious enough without having her sabatage stuff by knowing what I'm going to do before I do it. I have told her I have been reading stuff, but didn't give my source of material.[/color]
I am so sorry you are in this situation, Bugs. Some marriages stay bad for years without ever developing something like this, and some become someone's excuse for betrayal.
[color:#000099] I guess in a way it is my fault for not taking it more seriously before....but I honestly couldn't have done this before - I didn't have the energy to do it....but then, now I don't have a choice; I either do it or lose my mariage![/color]
I would order Surviving an Affair this very day, along with His Needs, Her Needs. HNHN is for you at this point, SAA is for both of you if she finds it and wants to read it. [/quote]

[color:#000099] I'll see if the library has it or maybe a local bookstore....I know - I'll check the pawn shop!!! (just kidding)![/color]

Have two young kids! Thanks for the prayers!

Tried to change the color of my responses on that post, don't know what happened???

I can't help you with the color; it has always done my bidding.

Relax. Take your time, and reread things as many times as you need to. Time is your friend, and the enemy of the A.

I sure didn't feel like being around people during the A, for lots of reasons. One is since I cried all the time, I didn't want to break down in public. Another is for months, no one knew. It was even a long time before I told my mom and sister. It was just too hard being around people who didn't know. And too, I just didn't feel like being with people. So I really do understand where you're coming from.

My best advice is to strike a balance. Don't put a bunch of pressure on yourself to be out in public all the time, and don't allow yourself to become a total recluse, either. Especially with small children, you do need some social interaction and fellowship with other believers to recharge your batteries.

One example that springs to mind is the time my mom took the kids to Imax to see an awesome 3D nature documentary. She invited me to go, and did her best to drag me along. The main reason I stayed home, even more than not wanting to be in public, was because I couldn't bring myself to 'waste' time watching a nature show that I could have used in intercessory prayer.

Intercessory prayer was THE KEY in my whole experience, and yet with hindsight I can see that I was not a good steward of my body as God's temple. I don't beat myself up about it; it was just one of the many lessons God taught me in all this.

I always encourage others to discipline themselves to care for their own health first, which will leave them stronger to attend to the tasks at hand. Balance in all things.

haha Neak...you should read my FB status/note!

I guess everything for me has to be black and white right now....no gray areas! LOL!

You will get used to the color thingies, brain died on what it's called LOL.

I hit quote on your post, you can see what happened. two [color] things next to each other. then the [/color]s at the end not meeting up with the first halves. Easy to do. I still mess that stuff up all the time.

See, messed up myself. YOU hit quote on this message lol and you will see where it did it. As soon as I hit preview, duh, they went away LOL.



[color:#000099] I'll see if the library has it or maybe a local bookstore....I know - I'll check the pawn shop!!! (just kidding)![/color] [/quote]

Paste it to your mirror if you have to. Any other encouraging sayings, too.

I don't think my tape is strong enough to keep my computer on the mirror. Good idea though!

Talking to my wife right now really stresses me out! Don't want to break lines of communication though so sucking it up and trying to be positive!

ugh....just had a long conversation with WS and she indicated when the topic rolled around that she would not "lose" a friendship with OP, but she knows we can not be in same space. Said he indicated if we were that he would intentionally say things to hurt me. I told her that data indicates that our marriage cannot survive if she does not break contact with OP, but was not pushy with her. I did not tell her that I also plan to confront OP soon, and still am just really anxious about the outcome of that meeting. I'm not afraid of him, I just want him to go away and get my wife back - but to be honest.....I can make him go away, but no guarantee of latter!

I seem to be depressed every morning and it takes me awhile to get going in the day, which means I don't get all the stuff done in the day that I want to.
So feeling "sick" in the morning....does that mean I have "morning sickness" ? "LOL (sorry to all you ladies who had to endure sickness during prenancy - not trying to disrespect you)