button down shirts!!!! worked for me still does! going to put one on now! hes at a golf outing..... also the silly little i call the 1950 wifey things... meet him at the door. drove him crazy still does. i think the catholic church put out a list of good wife things, reading them makes me want to puke but what was the diviorce rate in the 50's. ok vets hit me. i am NOT that person.

he definately gave you an opening with the bed thing. olive branch was put out there.

Ok, so I missed that one. How do I make up for it? What next?

Ack, so cryptic! What does that mean? My head is spinning - oatmeal and cheerios are not enough to keep a grown woman running, but they're all I can keep down.

You made him uncomfortable because he found you attactive and interesting.......he didn't want to feel that because he told you he didn't feel that way about you. He is not sure how he feels right now and you can expect that for awhile.

You got through a small crack in his wall. Keep at it.

As far as missing the boat, invite him to bed tonight. Just put out your hand and ask him. If he declines ask him if you can get him anything before you go bed and end it.....don't push him or say anything but goodnight and give him a small peck.

We haven't done any kissing (quick peck or otherwise) in over a month. The last time we hugged was 2 weeks ago, and that was just because I was crying - the last time he hugged me for any reason other than that was a month ago.

Not sure how to 'casually' do this, but will try.

Not sure how he'll take exposure, either. Guess we'll see.

"I guess I can try to sleep in the bed tonight. If I can't sleep and wind up keeping you awake, I can go to the couch". I said, "it's no different than the last month, is it, sleeping with the wall of blanket between us.". He said, "I guess not."

translation
i guess-= if you want me too.= yes honey i would love you to. you will not keep me awake, if i am awake we can snuggle.

should have been quiet, you response was negative, sorry. its easy to see after

That's a good point - except the snuggling. He's specifically said he doesn't want to hug me because it feels "weird" and "forced" and doesn't want to be with me. Of course, that was during the A, but he's only 2 days into NC, so I can't imagine anything has changed.

He will take it like a 3 year old that got told on but that os ok. The madder he is means that exposure is doing its job.

The peck does not have to be as casual as you are thinking. You want him to realize you did it. Just don't go overboard. You have to try to meet his needs and baby steps are the only way right now.

He will balk if you walk up and say " hey baby let's have some st" but he will not have time to balk at a peck....he wont have time to respond before you are off to bed.

Maybe if he declines say "ok, (peck)door not locked" then goto bed.

he does want to be with you at least he did give you an opening... I guess I can try to sleep in the bed tonight,===== he asked you.... LD - the door is not locked, love it.

wear his button down to bed.... ooh let him see you go to bed in it...

Seraph

WH's want their BS's when they have the goods (Info/future plans w/o you) on them to be angry evil raving bi@@@es so they can really feel wonderful they decided to be with the OW, have you both, or file for D.

In Plan A you are confusing the He!! out of him by showing restraint of your emotions even with all this new found knowledge.

When my W called me over 20 years ago and said Hey baby can we give this another try (our M) I thought it was her trying to sucker me in and then spit me out. I kept a distance for about 3 months by living in an apt. by myself and only dating my W. We were already seperated and when that call came was about a week before I was to move with the OW to an apt.

Instead I moved alone. No MB's back then for us but my W did a pretty good Plan A on me. I couldn't figure out the flirtation and it was ackward with her knowing the plans I had with the OW. Confused me because I expected ranting and raving (wife from He!!) to come out. She did a few times but not enough or long enough to keep us apart.

Keep her (Wife from He!! ) locked up as much as possible and vent here. YOUR payoff will be shortly down the road depending how sucsessful you follow the plans.

I got lots of cookies and chips. And eventually "A little" because my DD was born in 1993.


Listen and try to follow what is being told here. You have excellant posters following you that suggest the most amazing ideas to baffle waywards.

nESRE

If you wear his shirt make sure you have a good comeback when he asks why you are wearing it..... my husband would ask.

Something like "it smells like you" or just plain " my nightgown was dirty" if you think the first one was too soft.

I vote for option #1 myself.

The more uncomfortable he is, the more offhand you need to be. That's why drive-bys of any sort are good. You toss something out for him to see, whether verbal or nonverbal, but you have moved on to a different area without even waiting to see what he makes of it.

It takes the pressure off him to respond, and kind of leaves him wondering.

He had a bad day today, he says. Missing the OW, and knows it hurts me that he's sad for another woman. I thanked him for recognizing that it hurt me. He asked if there was anything about the affair I wanted to know. I said no, details would just hurt.

I also told him I talked to his mom. He was bothered, but not actively angry. Said he had wanted to do it, but he hoped I got some relief from my pain. I told him I had asked his mom to encourage him to try to recover our marriage, if that's something they believe in.

Told him I love him very much and will go to any lengths to give us a chance to recover and have a better marriage than the one we have. He looked sad/pained and said that sounded like a threat. I said it wasn't, I just wanted him to know that despite his statements that he doesn't love me, I love him and think he's a wonderful person and still want to rebuild a marriage with him.

He said he's sorry for the hurt he caused me, we caused each other, and he has so many regrets.

I said we didn't need to cover old ground, I had just wanted him to know. Then I got up to go get dinner for DS.

A short while later, while he was in the kitchen, I asked if the shirt he was wearing was one of the new ones. He said yes. I said, "I like it on you" and then left the room to get my phone.

Now he's researching pill holders for his supplements. Before he started, he said, "I'm getting on my laptop to research pill holders", which I thanked him for.

Very nicely done.

At this stage of his...re-orientation?...every day that he DOESN'T take a major step to distance himself from you and your family is another day in which his mind can work to accept that where he IS is where he SHOULD BE. Stay cool, stay committed and stay in touch.

BTW you DO know how encouraging is his telling you what he was going online to do, don't you?

Yes, I do. I try to remind myself that it's some small show of caring - if he doesn't want to be with me and just wants a relationship where we "co-parent" our DS, he wouldn't care about making me feel safe about NC.

It's not much, but it's something.

baby steps

put his shirt on after he takes it off...

try it,


"He said he's sorry for the hurt he caused me, we caused each other, and he has so many regrets. "

regret and shame are hard for men, i am sure for women too, but by nature men need to fix it and when they have f up they dont know what to do.

good job..you are fine....


my 2 cents- which i am always unconfortable posting bc i was in the same situation. but we are working on it together.

Great job!

sorry we posted same time

if he doesn't want to be with me and just wants a relationship where we "co-parent" our DS, he wouldn't care about making me feel safe about NC.

chin up... he wouldnt be in the house if that were true, he wouldnt tell you about going online. all positive steps.... baby steps.

you have to be more positive- it will make you feel better.

have you put the shirt on?

Called his parents. The encouraged him tom keep trying. His father urged him several times not to make hasty decisions - told him he would regret it. They were firm on the OW thing, too - simply said "you can't do that. You cannot".

His father told him that he is the head of the house, and he should be protecting the family.

WH reiterated that our marriage is over, he doesn't love me, this is not fixable.

Anyway. Not sure any got through, but maybe there's something for him to think about.

This is fantaastic, you're doing so well.