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Originally Posted by Tanam
...and breathe, look after your health, eat, sleep go for a walk. This is a tough road but the support and help are here.

Thinkin of you today across the pond!

THANK YOU so much!

I'm 20 pounds lighter in the last 4 weeks......forced to uses meds to sleep.

BUT I WANT TO FIGHT FOR MY WIFE!!!!


BH(Me)= 55
WW(Her)=43
DD=24 (My step-daughter, been raising her since the age of 8, SHE'S MY DAUGHTER!!)
Married=13 yrs
Together=16.5 yrs
THIS IS MY STORY
WW moved out of the home = May 1,2011
D-Day=July 4, 2011
Dear Wife: I'm COMPLETELY CRAZY about you!.....as of Aug-2012 forget that last part....Good Luck to you and GOODBYE!!
"Mourn the woman she was. Know the woman she is."
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This is an email Melody Lane recommended someone use, its a now separated couple, so similar to you.

Would email work for you? If not just call people or go round to see, when you've got your script down pat.


Mel's email suggestion is as follows, dont think its too hard to adapt to your circumstances. Oh and definitely include the line you said on here about fighting for your wife.

It will get you tonnes of support and should your wife read or hear of it, will go down well too.

Women find it VERY SEXY when their husbands fight for them.

-------------------------
Dear friends and family, I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of x and I. As some of you know, x has recently asked me for a divorce, which has shattered my heart. To my shock, I have discovered that the reason is because he has been carrying on an affair with someone who resides on XXX estate. The purpose of the separation is so the affair can carry on without my interference. x has tried to claim that the affair began AFTER I left for Australia, but this is not true. [as if that justified his adultery, we are still married]

As our friends, I am asking that you use your influence to persuade x to end this affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged. Please support x in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

I would so appreciate your support and prayers. Warmest regards, Caracal


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Bill,

Here ya go:

Facebook exposure suggestions

Dear friend of Skankyhola,

It is with great regret that I send this letter but I believe all of her friends should be aware that Skanky is having an affair with my husband, Joe. We have been married for 5 years and have 3 heartbroken children. They have been having this affair since October according to the evidence.

I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would ask that you use your influence with Skanky to persuade her to leave my husband alone. You should also watch your own husbands around her because she is no friend to marriage.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify her parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.

Thank you, BW

***************
Originally Posted By: Tabby

Go to the OP's profile page. Look at his or her friends list. If they don't have too many, you can send to all of them. If they have hundreds (and many people do), then you'll have to target them more specifically. You are looking for people who have the same last name, or somebody who writes on the OP's wall frequently. You can also look for people who live in the same city or work in the same place.

When you identify these people, send each one a personal message. The personal message should state that your WS and OP are having an affair and that you are trying to save your marriage. State whatever proof you have, though don't be graphic (i.e. say you have pictures or texts but don't say what's in them).

Change your profile picture to one that clearly shows you and your spouse and your children if possible. Some of these strangers that you send a message to will click on your profile. They should see a happy couple/family. They might even recognize your WS and if he/she has been introduced to this person under false pretences, this will increase the impact of the exposure. Affairees don't just lie to their BS's, but they often lie to other people as well. If they see that children are being affect, it will have an equally powerful effect. Make sure the picture is recent enough that your spouse is recognizable by a casual aquaintance.

Remember, when you are writing to strangers, their initial gut reaction is going to be "who the he** is this?" The message has to be very polite and adhere to the basic facts. Let them verify your story on your profile page and do any further investigating on their own (which will stir up even more exposure).

Oh and one more thing - send all your messages at the same time. Not one message sent to everybody (only put one addressee in the "To" box), but go one by one by one until you are finished. You should also write down these people's names somewhere. The instant that the OP hears about what you have done, they will block you and you will no longer have access to their friends list.

******
Exposure Basics

Originally Posted by Longhorn
A. If the person your spouse is involved with is married, His or her spouse must be told of the adultery even if your spouse actually terminates the affair and enthusiastically begins to labor long and hard on your marriage the instant you find out about the adultery. The other person�s spouse (OPS) has the right to address the problems in their own marriage.

B. Your spouse�s parents and sometimes your spouse's siblings. Parents can place tremendous pressure on their adulterous offspring. On occasion, they take their children�s part and choose to ignore the adultery, but they often become strong allies in breaking it up.

C. Your children. Guess what? Kids as young as four see and hear and understand far more than you think they do. D r. Harley has stressed the importance of making sure children know mom or dad is behaving inappropriately but that mom and dad still love the child. The child must know he or she is NOT the cause of all the tension in the household.

D. Your family. You need allies who can put pressure on the adultery and your family members can do that. They may be able to add nothing more than disapproving glances, but that pressure mounts up.

E. Friends of the family. Same reason as above.

F. Your spouse�s co-workers if the adultery is an �office affair.�� (I hate the word affair. It makes a slimy, squalid thing seem less offensive.) Co-workers can apply lots of pressure. They may have suspected before you exposed to them. Now they know for certain.

G. Again, if the adultery began in the office, expose to the spouse�s boss or Human Resources Director. The company may have a policy on inappropriate relationships. If one partner or the other is a supervisor, the company can directly influence the adultery and make it impossible for it to continue.

H. Your pastor or priest. These individuals have tremendous influence in your wayward spouse�s life. Make them your allies.

I. Officers and members of professional associations and social organizations your spouse is in. Few of these tolerate moral turpitude in their membership. Use that to your advantage.

J. Anyone else who can reasonably be expected to be able to put pressure on the adulterous relationship.

<snip>

When you have your list ready, go to each person and sit down with him or her if you can. It�s good for them to see you troubled, but very calm and steady. It�s very important to be under control. Many wayward spouses will immediately try to gaslight their betrayed spouses and will swear to everyone around the betrayed one is demented to even think the wayward spouse would actually sneak around behind your back. Take a deep breath and launch into a description of what has intruded into your marriage. Don�t wait for the perfect time and place, or the magic words to use. They�ll never come. Don�t tell your spouse you�re going to do expose the obscene adultery to your prospective allies. Just do it.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1659680#Post1659680




Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Please make sure you call early tomorrw am if you can't do it today. The reason it is reccomended for all in one day is now if her parents contact her she can warn the OM and he can spin a tail to his wife about the crazy man thatmight call her.


Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
NC - 01/09/11
02/20/12 done beating my head on that wall.
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Originally Posted by BillCarolina
I've already told her parents.

I've already told our daughter.

I will tell our friends face to face, but don't know what to say to do this exposure in the proper way.
A part of me wants to use words like "knife in the back with her hand on it!"........or "Lowlife Tramp"......but I know that 's NOT the way to proceed.

So what do I say?



Next week I call the OMW and the kids they have!!!

Help me with those words too please!?!?!

Bill, did you read my previous posts? I gave you talking points to each person. Go back and read my posts.

Have you been driving by her apartment to get pictures?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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highlight, drag right click on copy open word doc right click on paste.

easy!!


Me 50
WH 52
WH in A 6 yrs in total, last 5 yrs JGF (Not!)
DD final 1.12.10
NC letter sent 3.12.10

Working at being the best I can be, the rest is up to you.

He is still a plonker, but he is my plonker!
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GOSH......I can't get ANYONE to answer the phone at the OTHER MANS house?!?!?!

Why is that??


BH(Me)= 55
WW(Her)=43
DD=24 (My step-daughter, been raising her since the age of 8, SHE'S MY DAUGHTER!!)
Married=13 yrs
Together=16.5 yrs
THIS IS MY STORY
WW moved out of the home = May 1,2011
D-Day=July 4, 2011
Dear Wife: I'm COMPLETELY CRAZY about you!.....as of Aug-2012 forget that last part....Good Luck to you and GOODBYE!!
"Mourn the woman she was. Know the woman she is."
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Posts: 11,650
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Hheehehe

really needed a laugh


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Originally Posted by BillCarolina
GOSH......I can't get ANYONE to answer the phone at the OTHER MANS house?!?!?!

Why is that??

Where does he live? I would drive over there and knock on the door. Expose there tonight and then finish your other exposures tonight.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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BillCarolina,

Also stop in at his dental office, good chance one of the ladies there is one of his former lovers. This is good ammunition for convincing your wife that the guy is a skunk.

God Bless
Gamma

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Originally Posted by Gamma
BillCarolina,

Also stop in at his dental office, good chance one of the ladies there is one of his former lovers. This is good ammunition for convincing your wife that the guy is a skunk.

God Bless
Gamma

Stopped in his office yesterday........confronted him face to face with "I'm the Husband!"

You shoulda seen the look on his face! rotflmao

I spilled the beans to his office staff too!

It was GREAT!


BH(Me)= 55
WW(Her)=43
DD=24 (My step-daughter, been raising her since the age of 8, SHE'S MY DAUGHTER!!)
Married=13 yrs
Together=16.5 yrs
THIS IS MY STORY
WW moved out of the home = May 1,2011
D-Day=July 4, 2011
Dear Wife: I'm COMPLETELY CRAZY about you!.....as of Aug-2012 forget that last part....Good Luck to you and GOODBYE!!
"Mourn the woman she was. Know the woman she is."
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Posts: 170
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Great job Bill!!



Me - 46
Wife - 43
2 x DD
Married 18 yrs - known each other for 22 yrs
Woke up 12/2009 and realized I was an idiot for neglecting my WIFE!
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Bill, I am waiting for you to tell us about the other exposures? What about his wife? Everyone else?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Yea I heard that, OM4 was 85 in my case, my guess is that he is a practiced hand at affairs and has a good many under his belt, you will be doing OMW a big favor by bringing this one to the light.

85 seriously?

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Originally Posted by BillCarolina
Originally Posted by Gamma
BillCarolina,

Also stop in at his dental office, good chance one of the ladies there is one of his former lovers. This is good ammunition for convincing your wife that the guy is a skunk.

God Bless
Gamma

Stopped in his office yesterday........confronted him face to face with "I'm the Husband!"

You shoulda seen the look on his face! rotflmao

I spilled the beans to his office staff too!

It was GREAT!


Fantastic, good for you...!!

What about other exposures - they have to be done fast and close togehter before they can paint you as crazy and jealous to exposure targets


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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HC,

85 seriously?

Thank God this is an anonymous forum, but yes it is true. After reading on MB for quite awhile I still can�t believe what happened.

I had the luck to stumble on Marriage Builders as the relationship was in its formative stage. I would have been the person to say they are only friends, an emotional connection doesn�t matter, he�s too old, every affair is unique and he only means her well. I have to say my jaw dropped more than once when reading on here or perhaps it was more like getting hit with a 2x4.

My W was taking OM4 places and OM4 was giving my W gifts. W was also saying some of the things about him that other WWs on MB were embarrassed to have said about their OMs.

I don�t think this relationship could EVER have gone physical, what I felt about it is that an OM with a sense of entitlement will remain an opportunist no matter how old they get, and my W was in a real state of emotional need I was not filling.

It still makes me sick however.

God Bless
Gamma

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BillCarolina,

Good work, there�s some chance if the ladies in the office have been jilted in the past they will spill to OMW. Please get to OMW immediately however, also if your W was ever his patient there may be able to get his license revoked.

Not too long ago one of my W�s friends found out her H was cheating on her because OW1 ratted him out when OM was cheating on OW1 with OW2.

God Bless
Gamma

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TODAY.......we start Plan B !!!!!!


BH(Me)= 55
WW(Her)=43
DD=24 (My step-daughter, been raising her since the age of 8, SHE'S MY DAUGHTER!!)
Married=13 yrs
Together=16.5 yrs
THIS IS MY STORY
WW moved out of the home = May 1,2011
D-Day=July 4, 2011
Dear Wife: I'm COMPLETELY CRAZY about you!.....as of Aug-2012 forget that last part....Good Luck to you and GOODBYE!!
"Mourn the woman she was. Know the woman she is."
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
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Originally Posted by BillCarolina
TODAY.......we start Plan B !!!!!!
Really? Is that an "MB" plan B? How did you set it up?

Did you finish the other exposures?

Did you give her a Plan B letter?

Do you have an intermediary?

WHAT made you decide to go into Plan B?

Please talk to us.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Originally Posted by princessmeggy
Originally Posted by BillCarolina
TODAY.......we start Plan B !!!!!!
Really? Is that an "MB" plan B? How did you set it up?

Did you finish the other exposures?

Did you give her a Plan B letter?

Do you have an intermediary?

WHAT made you decide to go into Plan B?

Please talk to us.

I finished the exposure.

She admitted the affair to her parents.....and is avoiding most others.
The wife and I had a meeting and mutual feelings were declared and a plan to begin a dialogue of reconciliation was decided.

5 days later (Friday afternoon) she sends me a text "I think we need some time apart"

OK........so be it!

The wife tried to call me later that evening.....I didn't answer the phone.

Our 23 year old daughter has agreed to act as intermediary.

What's a Plan B letter?.......what good would it do?

I really think that I've done all I can.....so PLEASE guide me on my next move.

I know I need to go deep, dark and quiet towards the wife....does that include her Parents also who have been very loving and kind to me?

THANK YOU ALL !!!!!

Last edited by BillCarolina; 07/16/11 05:23 AM.

BH(Me)= 55
WW(Her)=43
DD=24 (My step-daughter, been raising her since the age of 8, SHE'S MY DAUGHTER!!)
Married=13 yrs
Together=16.5 yrs
THIS IS MY STORY
WW moved out of the home = May 1,2011
D-Day=July 4, 2011
Dear Wife: I'm COMPLETELY CRAZY about you!.....as of Aug-2012 forget that last part....Good Luck to you and GOODBYE!!
"Mourn the woman she was. Know the woman she is."
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