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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 18
T
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T Offline
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 18
I just spent the last hour writing a letter to the OW and her H telling them how I feel about everything they had done and all the lies they told when they exposed the A. I want to put it in the form of an email but I'm not sure if it's a good idea to send it or not. There are so many things I want to say to them and I guess I feel like I will have some kind of closure if I send the email. What is everyone's thoughts on this?

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708
R
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708
Do not send it.

It won't do any good for you or educate them.


Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,820
J
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,820
I wouldn't, let them wallow in their own guilt..........they know what they did and they know how awful they are as human beings..........
be the better person, they don't care .........why do this to yourself......I know you want to but it doesn't change anything..............let it go


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 320
T
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 320
Good that you wrote the letter, gets it all out.


Now burn it, along with anything that reminds you of her and watch as you release it all into running water.

Really hun, sending it would be a bad idea, releasing it, helps with releasing the emotions that go with the whole sordid nastiness.

Don't stoop to their level, be a goddess!!


Me 50
WH 52
WH in A 6 yrs in total, last 5 yrs JGF (Not!)
DD final 1.12.10
NC letter sent 3.12.10

Working at being the best I can be, the rest is up to you.

He is still a plonker, but he is my plonker!
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
M
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Yep. ITA. Do not send that letter. It will avail you nothing. You are trying to convince someone of something they already know. They chose to twist the truth for their own reasons, and all the letter-writing in the world won't change them.

Burn the letter. You are better than that.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,093
S
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,093
TGW,

She lied to your face.

She had an affair with your husband.

She held your hand, while shtooping your husband, while lying to you, while she stood at her father's side as he lay dying.

She lied to her husband's face.

She lied to everyone else about the affair for years.

She lied to everyone else about details of the affair.

She lied to your husband during the affair.

She lied to everyone before, during, and after the affair.



The letter you wrote will have no effect on this woman. She does not care one whit about anyone but herself. She would lie about what was in the letter, about who wrote it, about what it meant, and twist every meaning in it until it meant nothing but love, butterflies, and pretty flowers about HER.


Do not waste one more single moment of your life thinking about this woman.


Your husband's affair was NOT about this other woman. It was about HIMSELF.


"She" is not that special. Do not allow yourself to believe that she is for another second. She is a self-absorbed liar. Nothing more.

When and if you need to completely rid your life of her image, look at my forgiveness thread. Weigh anchor. Because she is nothing but a huge ugly weight that will keep you anchored right to her if you let her.


Schoolbus




Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support.
Recovered.
Happy.
Most recent D-day Fall 2005
Our new marriage began that day. Not easily, but it did happen.

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