Yes, yes, yes. Sir, you are good.

In a whacked out way, I am trying to get her to say, "screw this, Im otta here". You are amazing at this. I have said in my now classic text based AO yesterday, that I wonder how much of my torture will she take. Hows that for a subtle hint that SHE should take the steps to towards separation?

The difference I see, NG, is I too went bezerk the day of and after and subsequent weeks of dday. I though made a commitment to myself, FWW, and you guys to stop well over a month ago. And I was doing fairly well swallowing the poop and holding it down. But, I had a revelation last week that she has been so unfair to me and our kids for a long time, why, then do I need to follow this code of silence?

For fairness sake, I want to know more about the A, darn it. She lived it, made us live with it by making OM our friend, and lived this SSL almost destroying what we have here. I HAVE TO FAIR TO HER?

This dainty flower of a beaten women should be able to handle a little humiliation taking some of my torture. She sort of doled it out to me for a long time.

I thought Id write my FWW letter she wrote me yesterday after my AO on Skype (no less) Tuesday night and subsequent text based AOs where I was not nice:

"You want to know the old me! Well the old me wasnt happy for a very long time. I guess my emotional needs werent met [MSS here: she;s reading HN, HN right now]. I never opened up to you. I felt life was falling apart. Our financial troubles were not getting better. We never spent time together at home. We'd eat dinner and all would split into different rooms. You went downstairs, I went to my room, and so did the kids. I ask you to go out and you always wanted to stay home. I know we didnt have the $ but something small out would have been great.

I know its not a reason to do what I did but "A" dont start without a reason. (OM family) were friends- I guess he provided things to me that I didnt get at home. It was an escape. It took a long time for me to finally "be" with him. Then it just got comfortable. I was self-centered. I felt guilty everytime-even though I continued it.

I guess he made me happy NOT PHYSICALLY (all the time) but emotionally if that meant buying me stuff. Maybe I used him for the materialistic stuff. I got caught up in it.

I worked with him which made the years go by. All I can say is that Im so glad Im not babysitting anymore. The pressure of going there and seeing him I hated. So why did I continue and stay and do the things I did? I dont know.

To me it was collecting a paycheck. I grew out of my feeling for him - as you know- and didnt want to babysit, stop Sunday dinners, etc. Thats why I can turn off my feelings like Im doing.

Im sorry I hurt you and the kids. I want to stay w/my family b/c thats important to me and where I belong, I realize that now. Im a new person or trying to be. Confident, strong, not negative. I want to be happy again. Hope there will light at the end of the dark tunnel."
---

This is really the extent of the openness and honesty I get from FWW. I can articulate my feelings on a whole other level and she cannot.

Truth, and I told her this, I find this to be a pile a BS. This explanation if you want to call it that is lame. I may have to be resigned to this if I want to move with our life. Does anyone see how within a 7 year A, shes leaving some stuff out?

I have apologized for my AOs as I always do.

Of course she is leaving some stuff out, but that does not make what she wrote "BS". It makes it incomplete.

It takes TIME for the wayward to regain their focus on reality. Especially after a 7 year fantasy.

What is your goal?

Just over 3 months into this .... as a reminder.

Advice:

Stop making big major decisions, or making grandiose announcements, or altering your MB Plans while you are emotionally upset/aroused/triggered/provoked ..... etc.

The purpose of having MB Plans is to set your stable course in spite of your emotional roller coaster ride.

We do understand the ride.
We have lived it ourselves.

Pay attention.
Stop reacting.
Use your MB Plans instead.

I know. Time. I havent given enough of it.

This story she writes makes her look so shallow.

You don't look particularly deep at times either.

"Ouch", right?

The emotional roller coaster is real.
The ups and downs, twists and turns, rises and dips are nauseating.



You are not even close to leveling off.
Neither is your WIFE.

Which is why there are MB PLANS, not MB emotional suggestions.

You need to commit to the MB PLANS. Or don't.
Later, once you have worked the PLANS for all you're worth, you may (or may not) decide to commit to your wife/marriage.

If you're going to make day-by-day emotional decisions without working the MB Plans, bail out now, just do it.
Don't waste our time.

You have the "opt-out option", but you can't do MB Plans and opt-out simultaneously without driving yourself, your wife, and us nutZZZZZ.

i gave the MB concepts 8 weeks and one big thing is to get all the info one needs out about the A and it shouldnt be discussed further.

I cannot stop thinking about the Affair. I need more info and when i ask I get nuts and that again breaks a MB code of AOing and DJing and what have you.

I get that the premises of MB are solid, just they dont work for me 8-9 weeks post dday.

What do you want from us?

One should step up the love and find the EN the WS was getting elsewhere. I find the EN she was getting elsewhere to be stuff I have little interest in providing. Designer clothing, expensive lunches, jewelry. None of which I ever got for her and she was OK for 8 years of our marriage, not mentioning one word of it. Prince Charming comes along gets her stuff and she gives him her body?

If it was companionship I didnt provide, OK, say somehting I would have stepped up. I understand financial support is something I was weak on providing and thats a certainly an EN, but remember we are in a world where a lot of families especially in my area have 2 incomes coming in. Should was content making a fraction what she could have in a real job so she can keep her easy, cushy job with OM.

What do you want from us?

Nothing really.

I was walking on the bridge and someone convinced not to jump. Its the same stuff Ive wanted and got since day 1.

I'll try to get back into the MB process to the best of my ability. Ive had another bad stretch but concensus is it takes 6 months for these to happen less often.

So, I wanted someone to tell me to hang in there and I'll do it.

Evidently, Im not a deep as Id like to think I am.

mss

WRONG!

You did not follow the MB concepts!

Step #1 ~ No Contact under any circumstances.

Your WW has broken this cardinal rule twice now (the latest very recently) while you rationalized it away. And NC continues to broken as long as you are under a payment plan with OM for the next 18 mos.

The rest of it doesn't work without Step #1.

Sorry, I know I said I was moving on but I can't let you get away with "I have been trying the MB plans for xxx and it's not working..." Not even close...

Welcome back SusieQ BTW.
Mike You are frustrated because u keep getting triggered. In every post u write you try to explain away how "helpless"she was because YOU want to believe that. That is something you have to stop doing and look at the facts. Its almost like you are trickle truthing yourself.

Don't know if that made sense but hope u got it.

SusieQ,

That too. My continued AO'ng and failure to keep the A part of the past AND me allowing the NC part to happen and perpetuate for the next year and half (despite my contention that we'll have zero content except to cash checks) make me not so good at following the MB process.

How many rules can one break?

I only said she was weak and lacked self esteen. Never said she was helpless. She knew what she was doing. Knew it was bad. But she was too weak and lacked courage to walk away.

Helpless not. It was fun and exciting for a long time. A good looking guy entertaining her in ways her H wasnt. No one forced her into his car or bed. Helpless, not something I think I said.

Really?



You're on a crazy emotional roller coaster ride, and that's just not conducive to deep, scholarly thoughts.