I guess my next two weeks will be .. not Plan A, I don't think I can Plan A unless it stands for "avoid". But I can be polite and civil, and I'm certainly able to display the sort of fun and amusing person I can be during my interactions with our son - he likes to play board games with WH & I, and in those times, I act "normal". It's the closest I'm going to get.

Once he's found the house, I suppose I'll send him off with a PBL and then go dark. I have a little while to work out the IM (thinking a friend of mine from work that he doesn't really know), and the letter, as well as the logistics. Doing some reading of old PLB threads.

Seraph,

Somewhere in here I missed that you are in an affairage.


If you have read this website, you know the odds are stacked against you going into this kind of marriage.


Look at what you "built" going into the marriage:


You two built your relationship on a foundation of deception of other people. Certainly you understood that going in? You must have recognized that the two of you both ENDORSED cheating on your spouses - otherwise, you two never would have gotten together in the first place.

During the course of your marriage, you report having been here before, and that there have been multiple affairs, on your part and on his as well.


You also note that as a couple you have not worked to recover from those affairs.


My guess is that "as a couple" your view of affair behavior really has been one of general acceptance - mainly because both of you desire some level of freedom to engage in "shopping around", even though you are married. Therefore, when one or the other of you has an affair, as a couple you have tolerated this behavior because of the way you two view affairs in general, and because you both really DO want some leeway for yourselves as well.


Something has changed for you, however. Perhaps with this particular partner of his, you see a possibility of the relationship changing, his leaving, a financial change, whatever it is. Something has changed and you have decided to exert more fight in it.


As for me, I don't really understand much more than what I have written here. Furthermore, I'm not willing to help save a "marriage" like this. I don't see a future for this marriage, not without both of you willing to make HUGE changes in the way you both view


committment
marriage
loyalty
sexual fidelity
honesty


and a host of other life-partner interactions. Plus, given the past history and current committment to the MB program, I don't see your ideation and use of the concepts here toward saving your marriage as productive. What I see you doing is more of "making your point" to your husband.



I could be wrong.


Right now, I think I am right.




SB

SB -

I'm not the person I was 10 years ago when my WH and I got together. I am not the same person I was 5 years ago, or 2 years ago. No one is - you make mistakes, some bigger than others, and you try to be a better person. No one is beyond change, no one is beyond saving.

I do not want to teach WH a lesson - I want to build a sustainable marriage with him. Regardless of everything, I do love him with all my heart. Maybe that's foolish, given our past. I don't know.

I have tried Plan A, but as long as he remains in contact with his OW, it's too painful for me. I'm currently being civil and polite. He will be moving out at the end of the month, and at that time I conduct all contact with him via an IM.

However, I understand the feelings on this board about my situation. I will continue to post, as it provides me some relief. I don't expect that many will post back to me. For those who don't, I understand. For those who do, I am grateful.

He got back in contact with her last night.

I don't know how to be ok with it happening in the house where I live. He put in an application for a house today - I hope he gets it. I can't spend 2 more weeks with him.

In the meantime, the two people no one is thinking about are DS7 and the DD from the previous relationship. So sad for them.

AM

I'm thinking more about them than about anyone else. We've told DD18, and she's upset but handling it - she has an appointment with a family therapist to talk through some stuff.

We haven't told DS7 yet because he goes to camp for 4 days in 2 weeks and we don't want him to spend the entire time worried/anxious.

WH is convinced he'll be "fine" because it's better to be with parents who are apart, but happy.

I'm pretty sure he'll be devastated. I am dreading how he's going to take it, and I don't even know how I'm going to handle it if WH thinks I'm not going to see DS7 every day - there's no arrangement I will agree to that includes not seeing him daily.

OW also has two children, and I worry for them too.

Seraph, was reading your brokengirl thread and lots of people advised you to speak with the Harleys, either alone or with your h, because your sitch was so complicated,

Apologies if I missed this, but where did you end up with on that one?