Yes, I would love to save my marriage. There's nothing I want more. It's just that her heart is not into it anymore, so what can I do about that. If she doesn't love me anymore and isn't happy, and hasn't been happy for years, what am I to do about that? I have feelings for her that she no longer has for me.

We understand that she is not in love with you and has no feelings for you. WE ALREADY KNOW THIS. That is because of her affair. EVERY WAYWARD is not in love anymore and has no feelings for their spouse. We know this.

Now, look around you at all the recovered marriages on this forum. Their wayward spouses said the same things. They saved their marriages.

So why don't you want to save your marriage?

I want to save it. There's nothing else in this world, besides my kids, that I want more. Everyone knows about the affair now, and no one seems to care. Her family backs her, it doesn't matter to her what my family thinks.

Not only am I up against this affair, but I'm also up against past issues that she keeps bringing up. Horrible sex, money issues, trust issues, lying about stupid little things, not showing her how much I appreciated her, taking her love for granted. The list just keeps going in her mind. And now, she's surrounded herself with a group of friends, including her sister who is 12 years younger than her and has already been through a marriage and several bad relationships, who completely accept what she's doing and seem to be encouraging it. Those that have been her real, true friends for years, she's completely shut them out of her life.

This is just the norm, they ALL do this. The first thing you have to do is STOP listening to this fogbabble. Your wife has the mentality of a falling down drunk. Just as with a falling down drunk, your wife is trying very hard to blame her affair on YOU. In order to blame YOU for her affair, she needs to MANUFACTURE GRIEVANCES to justify her affair. Do you see the game?

Every adulterer rewrites history so they can blame their spouse for their affair. This is the standard routine we see here every day.

As far as her family knowing, WHO told them and WHAT were they told?

WHO is the OM?? And have you exposed to his family? What about your children? Have your children been told of the affair?

Has the affair been exposed to them BY YOU? Did you tell them and WHAT did you tell them? I need to know EXACTLY what you have said to EVERYONE about her affair.

I've told her "true friends" about it. Where she met him, where he lives, etc. She has told her family about it. I'm not telling the kids, I've just told them that mommy and daddy can't be together right now.

The reason her family is likely supporting her is that she has been allowed to lie and spin the story. "Hubby and I have decided to divorce because I am so unhappy and by the way, I have met someone new!!"

How old are your kids? If they over age 4, they can understand the concept of adultery and should not be lied to. Lying to them to help whitewash her adultery is to enable her affair. It helps no one and only causes your kids to be confused. You are teaching them that when married adults have "problems" they get divorced. That is not the kind of lesson you want to send to kids.

Do you know the OM's parents? Who is this guy? Can you find him on facebook? Is he single? What does he do?

He is in the process of getting divorced from a woman who left him. He's an auto mechanic and also a singer in a band. She met him about 3 months ago at a concert she went to with some friends. She actually told me to call him and asked if I wanted to meet him after I exposed it.

"Process of gettting divorced" means MARRIED. Does he have a facebook page? Do you know where he lives? Do you have his home phone #? I would get all this information and call his house but disguise your # using *67 and see if a woman answers. Do this when your wife is out with him. If a woman answers, ask if it is OM's wife and if so, tell her all about the affair.

Help, I can give you a strategy for exposure if you want it, but I am not going to waste my time if you aren't going to use it or do this right.

Are you willing to do a nuclear exposure? That is the only hope I see for your marriage.

I know where he lives, and she has been staying at his house. His wife is not living there.

ok, let me know if you want to save this, otherwise, I won't waste my breath.

What do you suggest I do next? Everyone knows she's now with this guy. She's already going through the steps to get a divorce final.

I left Thursday. I had the kids for the weekend while she was "away".

1. go home and move right back into your own bed. Stop abandoning your family

2. expose the affair wide and far. Stop telling me that "people know" and sit down and make up a list of her family members and close friends. CALL THEM ALL. Tell them about her adultery and tell them you are trying to save your marriage. ASK THEM TO USE THEIR INFLUENCE TO PERSUADE YOUR WIFE TO END HER AFFAIR.

3. ON THE SAME DAY go to the OM's facebook page and copy all of his facebook friends into a WORD doc. Prioritize them with the most important people at the top and work down, STARTING WITH HIS PARENTS. Send them a private message via facebook. [we have a template] space the PM's 60 minutes apart so you don't get shut down for flooding

4. sit down any kids over the age of 4 and tell them about their mothers affair. Encourage them to discuss it with their mother.

5. tell your wife you will not cooperate with any divorce schemes and if she files, you will countersue on grounds of adultery and have the OM hauled into court. Tell her you will be going for full possession of the house and primary custody because she is an unfit parent.

6. visit the OM face to face and tell this loser that you will fight for your marriage. Tell him there is no future for him because he will be eternally hated by your children for breaking up their family

Can you do all this?

FIND the OM's wife and call her. Tell her about the affair and ask her to assist you in saving your marriage. It is very likely their marriage has been busted up by his affair with your wife.

I don't think that I could do all these things. As sad as I am about this, I want her to come back to me because she wants to and is in love with me. Not because I've done all those things.

I don't want to get caught up in court battles, and lots of family members hating me.

The above things are designed to get her back. Those are the methods we use here to save our marriages. Exposure is your best weapon against the affair. I had a feeling you wouldn't be willing to be do anything. But thats ok, it is your marriage to lose.

I will leave you with Dr. Harley's words about what it takes to save a marriage:

Well, how many have gone through this process, and what is the success rate? How many have ended up worse than before? Before she even met this guy, since I know exactly when and where she met him, she was saying that things were basically over.

And, now she knows everything I've been doing (checking internet history, phone bill, etc) to find stuff out. Now, she's calling me a "psycho stalker" and telling me that this stuff is illegal and invasion of privacy.