Holyheart, any update?

This is killin' me !!!!!!

Thanks for checking in on me. I've been pretty absent from MB lately because I hesitate to report on the world's longest and ugliest D.

Obviously Bimbo is putting the pressure on D!ck to get the D done, but D!ck will not let go without taking me down, too. He has started harassing me -- showing up at my job, playing "chicken" on the road, texting and phoning me, etc. And it is NOT pretty.

His hatred is also being directed to MIL and FIL. Even D!ck's attorney admitted that he had to keep D!ck back from harrassing FIL and me at court last week. And when our case got continued again, D!ck called MIL and threatened to beat up both her and FIL. Can you believe it?

He's truly lost it. And my hands are tied with his pending bankruptcy. I'm at a loss for what to do next. I don't ask for MB advice because I don't want to hear "go dark." I want OUT. I earned that right. I just want to get out of this situation. And my attorney continues to NOT do his job. He just lets things go until the next court date, then the next date, then the next date. He has no plan of attack.

I can now understand how many BS's just give up -- say "uncle" regardless of the cost. You can only fight for so long before it stops to matter. The fog has lifted and I see a monster unworthy of any of my attention. He has taken so much from me over the past 3.5 years. I will never forget. I will never forgive.

I am not the same naive person I was when I learned of the affair. If I knew then what I know now, I would have cut my losses on Day 1. I would have given him no chances. I should have made "cheating" a deal breaker. I will never make that mistake again.

Things happen for a reason. All part of God's plan. I am still going down the same path of being the best mom I can be and trying to provide for my kids the best I can. I just hope I'm the last man standing when all is said and done.

Holy cow! This is awful news. Is there any way you can get a Protective Order against him? This sounds like very scary behavior.

I'm so sorry the legal wheels are barely moving. It's frustrating for sure! Have you thought about switching attorneys if you can afford it? If your attorney is slacking, time to light a fire. You are the CLIENT and he works for you. Sometimes you have to take the lead (I know you're good at that) and let your attorney know that you're not happy with the way he's handling (or not handling) things. Go to your State Bar website and see if they have an Client-Attorney Assistance Program. That's a program that basically helps you communicate your problems with your attorney without filing a formal complaint.

I can't remember which state you are in but in Texas it's called "CAAP". They have a form letter on their website to use to get the ball rolling:


Link to Texas State Bar's Client Attorney Assistant Program (CAPP)

You sound tired Holy. What have you done for you lately? Are you taking care of yourself? I hope for your sake that you see an end to this very soon. (((Holy)))

Here's the latest in my journey. D!ck made good on his threat and filed for bankruptcy this week. I printed out the 52 page document in disbelief. He's run up so much debt since he left. And of course, this new debt kept him from paying the old debts which have my name on them.

And we are still not divorced. Two and a half years in progress and it's still not done.

There is a creditor's hearing scheduled for the end of next month for the bankruptcy. I plan to attend with bells on!!

Interesting that the sleazy accountant and his brother are listed as creditors. My guess is that D!ck needed to show more debt than he actually had to meet the means test and talked his PERSONAL FRIENDS into lying for him. All at the expense of my children and me. Talk about selling your soul to the devil.

And he has the gall to list a new vehicle that he's purchased. He's exempted that from the bankruptcy and will continue to make the $400/month payments on that.

And I drive a 12 year old vehicle. And the kid's old cars are now in jeapordy of having to be sold to pay [censored]'s debts. Remember -- he's let Bimbo use his credit card over the past 3 1/2 years to charge all her Mary Kay business items... and spa treatments... and Tiffany jewelry... and their many, many trips to Las Vegas.

And he's a month and a half behind in paying child/spousal support. And the creditors are calling me asking for payment on the debts in both of our names. The accounts he CHOSE to stop paying.

And he's Vice President of a bank. He knows how to play the game. And I'm the one suffering financially. He flat out stated, and his bankruptcy petition confirms this, that he's surrendering the house so I lose it.

And that's not the worse. He threatened to call the cops on DD18 when she stopped by the bank the other day to see him. His staff let her wait for him in his office. He was supposedly on his way back to the office. When his office called to say that she's there, he went ballistic saying he'd call the cops if she didn't leave.

And -- Bimbo sent me a nasty text followed up by a text from him. He says he's had a reversal and they are working on having a baby. I pray they have triplets!

And his threats have now spread to his brother and his sister, not just his parents.

Holy crap, batman!!

And what am I doing? The best I can and enjoying the flowers along the way. I've disconnected except financially. But this is BIG after a 25 year marriage. When all you've earned and saved for the future is in jeapordy of being wiped out by a greedy, entitled, MEAN golddigger and D!ck.

I WISH I had kicked him out on day one and filed. Let that be a lesson to all you newbies. IF there is a particularly horrible OP involved, RUN -- don't walk -- to the courthouse and file.

I TRIED every last way to make this D difficult and it's come back to bite me in the butt.

I haven't given up. I'm praying for a way out. I'm figuring out how to dispute the bankruptcy since it will ruin me. I'm hoping that HOPE will guide me through this since she's done a good job dealing with her x's bk.

But D!ck is not my x.

Even DD18 says her Dad needs to go to jail for what he continues to do to us. He is out to destroy us. And he's playing a dangerous game thinking that he can fraud the government.

I intent to fully cooperate with the authorities. I'll come up with a plan of attack. I have to.

He's going to really get it. At this rate he'll wind up in the hospital of stress-related heart problems. Does he still drink like a fish, or was that hope's WH I'm thinking of?

That was Hope's WH who drank. Mine gambled and spent money like there's no tomorrow. I talked with Hope today. She has some suggestions about disputing the bankruptcy. I did notice that there's no mention of living in Bimbo's house and her contributing to his lifestyle. A definite no, no.

You know... D(ck thinks he's so smart. But I got the goods on him. His sworn D papers he filed says he lives with gf and her kids. And I've got lots more.

I need to keep my mouth shut. I want to so badly to call sleazy acct. and his bro and ask if it's worth it. Worth protecting D{ck at the expense of my kids. Ask them how they can sleep at night. And will it be worth it when they lose customers. See... both own their own businesses and I have tons of family and friends who would love nothing better than to blackball the two losers.

Patience, Holyheart.

Hey, Karmasrose. Did you get your license yet? I really need that Karma Bus in Cali. Get on that, please. I'm ready for some justice. Time for D!ck to get an a$$ whooping.

The Art of WAR.

Hang tough, you are AWESOME.

I find it a little funny that people always seem to mix you and Hope up, but I guess it really shows how much alike wayturds are.

"Karma bus, start your engine." You WILL prevail, even if it doesn't look like it now. Sad that others let people take them down with them. Tells you what happens to the moral character of a wayward and how being near one, changes you.

Hope and I have become great friends through all this misery. We pretty much talk and text everyday and have even met up once when she and her DD were meeting another MBer in Cali.

We all need friends like this. Family can only hear so much, especially if they have never felt the effects of infidelity.

And with Hope, I tell it all. And often over and over again. She understands where I'm coming from and I do the same. Especially having particularly horrible OP and wayturnds who have turned their backs on their own kids.

One comfort -- which breaks my heart for you, Scotty -- is that my kids are older and they never have to sleep under the same roof as OW.

My kids know the truth. They know that D!ck is behind in support yet has found enough money to pay for a new car to haul Bimbo's kids to Las Vegas and around town for ice cream.

Just last week, niece ran into them at Coldstone. Niece was not happy and let both her uncle D!ck and Bimbo know this -- verbally and with a gesture. I wasn't there -- I didn't tell her to do this -- she's 18 and she's D!ck's brother's DD so not from my side of the family.

I pray for your kids and all the kids that are witness to infidelity in their own homes. It brought tears to my eyes that you consoled your DS by telling him to go to sleep, to hug his brother, to find the morning that much quicker. Your kids should not be subjected to this.

I don't know what to say to you, Scotty, except don't be afraid to see the truths in our situation. Our WHs are deep in their lives without us. I've accepted this and moved on. And I really mean moved on, if you get my drift.

I read a book called "Shattered Dreams." I don't recall the author since I lent it to my sis and she hasn't returned it. The book talks about what a joyful life we can have after facing tragedy. That what we thought was happiness may have been masked. That out of great pain comes a new gratefulness and awareness of a truer path towards God.

I would have never believed it. I doubted everything the book said until I let go and looked to new possibilities. There is a big wonderful world out there when you pull yourself up out of the pit of this crap.

If it makes you feel any better. My dad ran off with his mistress and married her, They have now been together 11 years, and are helping me with my stitch, which makes things a bit interesting.

However, their marriage is not the same like my parents was, and the OW is turning, or trying to turn into how my mother was when their marriage was good. But my dad used to be extremely affectionate with my mom, and this is just plain sterile. He's not happy. I think if he could, he can't for different reasons, he would RUN back to my mother.

Holyheart,

I am sorry to say your WH has won. He is worse than mine but I still think the winner is peachy of this dubious honor.

My XH has to pay 100% back in his chapter plan because of little ole me. If I did not end up a creditor I would have left it alone.

What your WH is doing is Chapter 7 fraud. Whatever help you need to protect yourself and get you out of this as a co-debtor I would be happy to help.

Any other BS with any good advice -- legal or otherwise on Chapter 7 bankruptcy would be appreciated.

You are a great Mom to your kids. They are doing outstanding in spite of all this Sybil like behavior from WH.

Blessings my friend.

Hey HH,

Well, it sounds like Peachy still has an edge on you, but I can see D1ck heading in the same direction for the tie - jail. A VP at a bank? I thought you had to at least have SOME level of intelligence to be in a position like that, but I guess not. This guy is setting himself up for total tragedy.

I think it's pretty clear that he is on a path of destruction. And at the age when he should be thinking about retirement. You can see it coming - bimbo gets fed up and tosses his arsey out, he files bankruptcy, his employer decides he is a liability and cans his arsey, he has no home, no family, no job, no money to fall back on, etc.....

And you aren't there to pick up the pieces.

Sad. And even if he does end up married to her I surely don't see happiness in his future. There is just too much stress there that even the best of marriages couldn't handle.

Anyway, I am proud of you for fighting. I know you are tired of this. Who wouldn't be? Mine went 3 years, but when it was over there was peace.

CHAI!

Sorry to t/j but it's been a while since we've (or at least, I've) seen you!

Hey Karma,

I've missed you all. If I can find my thread I will do an update.

Hi HH-

Bankruptcy judges are NOT just some judge who is scheduled to hear a bankruptcy between traffic cases or other cases. This is their specialty. They have seen every kind of scam, shinola, shade-of-the-truth, legal dodge, etc that just about anyone can dream up...and they don't LIKE it.

D!ck may be in for a rude awakening or an epiphany. Not sure which...but I'm going with the first one.

Hang in there-

People who work in financial institutions have to be extra careful about how they manage their own personal finances. He has to be on drugs to consider that his little revenge game doesn't have any consequences for him personally.

I think a judge looking at all the factors, if you are wise in how you present your case, will see that he has to keep his job and will take him to a Chapter 13 - strict budget - no more Vegas trips, etc. Gravy train dries up for POSOW and your WH has to live on Raman for the next five years.

Hello all. Here's an update from a BS who's finally over it.

I'm still not D after 2 years, 9 mos. of court dealings and FOUR YEARS since D-day. The D delay is not due to me in anyway. D!ck's playing the system and doing eveything he can to screw me over. There is no doubt in my mind that I'm in a well deserved Plan FU and reconcilation is not an option. Even the kids concur.

I've been trying to fly under the rador since D!ck's bankruptcy is being investigated and he's more crazy and unpredictable then ever. I watched him commit perjury at the creditor's hearing the other day and the hearing's been continued for the third time. I think he's finally gone too far by running up debt before he filed, lying on his household size, and not disclosing bank accounts he closed. He had the balls to admitted to buying Bimbo a car and wanting to continue that debt, but surrendering OUR house and the kids old cars! I mean, really? He referred to Bimbo as his fiance who he lives with which surprised the trustee since she was no where mentioned in his petition. We all know that D1ck has more than 9 lives. Time and time again, he has avoided consequenses for his actions. But it's not my call this time. And it wouldn't break my heart in the least if he ended up in jail. I mean it!

Me? I'm dating. Like it or not. And I'm happy. He's also a BS after a 20+ year marriage so he knows what it's like. And my wonderful in-laws actually encouraged me to "get to know" this guy and give him a chance.

With this bankruptcy going on, the D is on hold and according to my lawyer may be for another year. I have no control over this and I no longer want to put my life on hold. I'm done with that.

Amazing what happens when you accept the situation and realize that you have no control over your spouse. I mean, really accept this. I don't care anymore. I have no feelings, no emotions about D!ck. At my birthday a few weeks ago, there I was surrounded by my family and friends. Everyone was there except D!ck who's been replaced by another man. Am I living out every BS's fantasy or what? Seriously, I'm in my in-laws house with my family, D!ck's family, my kids, and the new guy's family -- all signing Happy Birthday to me. A surreal moment.

And I know some MBers will scold me. Saying I'm still married. That I need to wait it out. I did wait. 4 years of being a door mat to D!ck and the fallout of the A.

Remember that D!ck's list of crimes are extensive. This bankruptcy has put me over the edge with his plan to saddle me with his and Bimbo's debts. He wants me to lose the house and lose the cars. He SAID this. That is unforgiveable in my book.

I'm done. This is my choice. I'm moving on.

I see you're on. I'll write more, but I wanted to say hi to you real quick in case you left. How are you?

Wow, looks like my timing is perfect to find out how you are doing. I'm so happy for you. I realized a long time ago, that how we walk through this is OUR choice OUR journey. Some may agree, many won't, and still MORE DO. I'm truly happy for you.

You deserve happiness. Your strength and tenacity is just incredible. Wanna lend me some this way.

Hugs to you my friend,
Queenie