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She's 42......OM is 69
Makes me want to vomit!
My new Counselor mentions severe "Daddy issues" and that "she not intact".
Any insight from the crew here?
BH(Me)= 55 WW(Her)=43 DD=24 (My step-daughter, been raising her since the age of 8, SHE'S MY DAUGHTER!!) Married=13 yrs Together=16.5 yrs THIS IS MY STORYWW moved out of the home = May 1,2011 D-Day=July 4, 2011 Dear Wife: I'm COMPLETELY CRAZY about you!..... as of Aug-2012 forget that last part....Good Luck to you and GOODBYE!!"Mourn the woman she was. Know the woman she is."
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Joined: Sep 2008
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She's 42......OM is 69
Makes me want to vomit!
My new Counselor mentions severe "Daddy issues" and that "she not intact".
Any insight from the crew here? What do you mean by "insight"? In to what? Do you mean an explanation of what the counsellor meant? Have you asked him/her for an explanation of "she is not intact"? I can understand why you might seek to understand your wife's state of mind. However, it isn't necessary when following Dr Harley's programme to examine her "issues" - not if it involves examining her childhood. If she is in an affair then she will be reluctant to stop it, as are all waywards. She is getting some of her important ENs met by OM. If she will not end her affair, then for your own protection you should stay in Plan B. If the affair ends you can consider rebuilding the marriage. But if it doesn't end, or she has no wish to return to you, then the marriage will be over. This is the same for all affairs. They continue because some ENS are being met by OP. Whether or not she has "Daddy issues", she is stuck in her affair and you need to stay in Plan B for now.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Bill, posting on different threads, makes your story really hard to follow. Click notify and ask moderators to merge your threads or go back to posting on your original one.
If she had daddy issues - how does this explain you? Affairing down is really common, theres no great mystery to it. They need someone to make them feel superior, thats all.
I don't see how this counsellor's 'insights' will help. What practical advice does this lead to? Are you supposed to provide her with a daddy? Or just go Oh ok and not feel bad any more?
Dr Harley has said on numerous occasions that delving into the WS's childhood/psyche is pointless. He says just stop hurting one another and start meeting each others needs. Its that simple.
The way to motivate her into doing that is Plan B, you stop meting her needs so she has to see what the OM is really like outside the fantasy of the affair.
Your job in Plan B is to focus on you. To get strong and decide what you want. Why are you pouring your energy into understanding her? If and when she feels repentent, (enough to give you the marriage you want and to make you feel safe) you will insist on a proper plan of recovery for your marriage then.
What happened to your exposure to OM's wife?
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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I don't see how this counsellor's 'insights' will help.
Dr Harley has said on numerous occasions that delving into the WS's childhood/psyche is pointless. He says just stop hurting one another and start meeting each others needs. Its that simple. OK......I can accept that. Your job in Plan B is to focus on you. To get strong and decide what you want. Why are you pouring your energy into understanding her? Because I'm an Engineer....LOL.....trying to understand why the machine is broken. But the effort IS counterproductive......I understand your point. What happened to your exposure to OM's wife? SHE KNOWS!.......I found out that the OMW tried to contact my wife! And my wife was MAD!!!! Too bad.....do the crime!....do the time!!
BH(Me)= 55 WW(Her)=43 DD=24 (My step-daughter, been raising her since the age of 8, SHE'S MY DAUGHTER!!) Married=13 yrs Together=16.5 yrs THIS IS MY STORYWW moved out of the home = May 1,2011 D-Day=July 4, 2011 Dear Wife: I'm COMPLETELY CRAZY about you!..... as of Aug-2012 forget that last part....Good Luck to you and GOODBYE!!"Mourn the woman she was. Know the woman she is."
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Because I'm an Engineer....LOL.....trying to understand why the machine is broken.
But the effort IS counterproductive......I understand your point. Did you know Dr Harley is also an engineer? That is how he started his career and then switched to psychology. Engineers and those with linear logic LOVE this program! Here is what Dr Harley says about why waywards have affairs: An analysis of the wayward spouse's childhood or emotional state of mind in an effort to discover why he or she would have an affair is distracting and unnecessary. It takes precious time away from finding the real solutions. I know why people have affairs: We are all wired for it. Given certain conditions, we would all do it. Given other conditions, however, none of us would do it. So the goal of the first step is to discover the conditions that made the affair possible and eliminate them.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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SHE KNOWS!.......I found out that the OMW tried to contact my wife! And my wife was MAD!!!! Too bad.....do the crime!....do the time!! Bravo!! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Good stuff. Concentrate on your healing now....
If you have grieving to do, do the work, no trying to bury it under engineer thinking...
Look after yourself, do things that are fun for you, sleep, eat, breathe! consider what you want to do with your life and time from here on in,
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Good stuff. Concentrate on your healing now....
If you have grieving to do, do the work, no trying to bury it under engineer thinking...
Look after yourself, do things that are fun for you, sleep, eat, breathe! consider what you want to do with your life and time from here on in, It's hard to believe but I AM an Engineer who is in touch with his feelings!! Eating is still tough.....lost 25 pounds in 1 month.....but I look GREAT walking out of the shower past the mirror! I almost didn't recognize that guy!! LOL
BH(Me)= 55 WW(Her)=43 DD=24 (My step-daughter, been raising her since the age of 8, SHE'S MY DAUGHTER!!) Married=13 yrs Together=16.5 yrs THIS IS MY STORYWW moved out of the home = May 1,2011 D-Day=July 4, 2011 Dear Wife: I'm COMPLETELY CRAZY about you!..... as of Aug-2012 forget that last part....Good Luck to you and GOODBYE!!"Mourn the woman she was. Know the woman she is."
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no going into you enginerd shell and trying to make sense out of the situation. good for you. you will have to help all the enginerd W's understand how y'all (yes i said it) think. you must be a chemical or electrical.
you are doing a good job. bumpy road ahead but you can fix this. meet her EN's okay? put your game face on and get to work. you have feelings, but do you listen to hers? just a thought.....
Me 44- yes ugggh
WH 47
together 26 years M 19
serial cheater big time
DD1 2.24.11
NC letter sent 3/7/11
NC letter to OW2 april
final truths 5/8-- all of them poly confirmed 5/18
working the plan
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...bumpy road ahead but you can fix this. meet her EN's okay? put your game face on and get to work. you have feelings, but do you listen to hers? ..... No, I wasn't listening to hers......that's why I'm in this situation!! But I know the TRUTH now!!!! I'm an "Emotional Engineer".....BELIEVE THAT!!!!
BH(Me)= 55 WW(Her)=43 DD=24 (My step-daughter, been raising her since the age of 8, SHE'S MY DAUGHTER!!) Married=13 yrs Together=16.5 yrs THIS IS MY STORYWW moved out of the home = May 1,2011 D-Day=July 4, 2011 Dear Wife: I'm COMPLETELY CRAZY about you!..... as of Aug-2012 forget that last part....Good Luck to you and GOODBYE!!"Mourn the woman she was. Know the woman she is."
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