Rocky,
It sounds like to me you are not willing to send that letter unless Strike2 will take you back.

Are you keeping the OM on "standby" just in case you cant recover your marriage? If so you are hurting both of them just as bad.

Think about that for a minute.

You should be cutting out the A for yourself and your children even if Strike is not willing to talk to you right now. It will show you are willing.

Warning Rocky, the shelvelife of us believing your seriuos is short. Thats ok, you need a kick in the pants anyways.

Are you trying to come off like someone who is abused? It sure sounds like it.

So life was not perfect for you, like Scotty said her Dad would say, "So what are you gonna DO about it?"

Like Indie said, forward is your only way out, you have no choice. Life will go on whether you choose to participate or not, things will not stop happening around you or to you, and people will stop listening.

Its all on you, and its all you, and you will be the proud owner of your own choices and future, one way or another.

Now how about doing something instead of wishing and hoping and imagining the worse? Its quite a temptation to live in the helpless self-pity place that the world does'nt understand isn't it? If you were my charge I would do the same as I do here. Tell you to get ahold of yourself, and refuse you the pity, that will eventually take you down.

I have a SIL, who along with the rest of my late wives family, was brought up in terrible circumstances. Now my late wife, who also had her times of hiding in self pity, was the only one of the children who learned, and lived in for a time, that feeling sorry for yourself is the worse thing anybody could do, and it only makes life worse.

See SIL was prone to look for guys that abused her, and I attribute that to her upbringing, and because it was the easy way out to blame everybody else.

So she would come to my wife for advice, crying about what should she do, bring the ol six pack and refuse to do anything. she was a caustic person to be around, and riddled with drug issues, and dragged my wife down into her pit. We offered her protection, a place to live, and the sources for counselling, along with the word and faith of God.

I guess God wasn't big enough for her..

So here it is, people will avoid helping at some point, if you don't do anything to help yourself. Its OK, we are weak too, and need to keep our hearts in order before God, beleive it or not, some of us have come from bad circumstances also, that we had to put behind us, or it would eat us alive also.

Keep this simple, put your stupid mistakes and fears behind you where they belong, and join the rest of us in the human race. Jump right in, the waters fine. Full of sharks and danger, but use your head, and don't let the sharks smell the blood of poor Rockys troubles. Count on those who know you can beat this, if you swim in the right direction.

If your wringing your hands and saying,"I know I know I just can't help it..." ..thats for you. Now to get the full effect go to home depot and hit yourself with one. Thats the most loving advice another human can give sometimes, but God can go deeper, and his wounds are true.

Leave you with a story..

There was this little birdy in the nest with its two siblings. Its mother left to get food, and told them to wait.

The little birdy started crying, it wasn't fair that it was all alone, and that it had to wait. He wanted to leave. The sibling warned him to stay, and started crying too, but the birdy fluttered down to the ground, where he was alone, but still unhappy and crying. His siblings eventually calmed down and stopped crying.(Like the rest of us are eventually gonna do with you).

On the ground a cow heard the birdy crying, and came over and asked what was wrong? The Birdy told his story, and said now he was cold and did not have all his feathers, could the cow help? The cow saying nothing, turned around and took a dump on the birdy, covering him with warm cowpie, and walked away. ( well kinda like welfare isn't it? what left after the rest of the world has allready partaken of lifes abundance).

Now the Birdy was very upset, and started crying louder. A fox was nearby, and came over and asked what was the matter? The birdy again told his story, and added the part about how now, he was covered with poop, and how unfair it was all of this stuff that happened to him. The fox felt very sorry for Birdy, and listened intently for quite some time, agreeing that life wasn't fair, finally he said, "Would you like me to bring you to the brook and wash you off?"

The birdy agreed, and was very thankful that the fox was so kind. The fox picked up the birdy gently and brought him to the brook, washed him off, then ate him.(Like OM)

The moral is, not everybody who craps on you is trying to hurt you, and those that sympathize are not allways trying to help.

Yeah she hasn't grasped that aspect yet. That looking for gaurantees that life will bring romance does not make you or anyone else happy and well adjusted.

But we are working her over,,ahem sorry, WORKING ON HER the best we can. Now if God can step in and send a tornado to move her to where strike is...

Nah Strike deserves to see the miracle come from Rocky, where it is living just waiting to get out, if she will let it.

I leave in the morning my husband still won't talk to me
but I am going to him anyways

I can't fix anything here an he won't let me again don't blame him
he is beggin me not to come he is done an don't want me to

I am going anyways

Go, move closer to your husband your every action will show him you are serious. Write the NC letter and post it here for review.

Is there anything else you need to tell us that may cause your husband to keep you at arms length.

Nc letter all I know to say is

I love my husband i have been a very stupid person
making a lot of horrible mistakes an I am going to make my marriage

What it always should have been I will not talk to you contact you in any way and you will not contact me ever again!

On why my husband won't talk to me or keeps me at arms length
well do you blame him I hurt him and then I hurt him again out of fear

Idk if he will ever five me the chance to fix it
I may get there an he may still refuse to talk to me

But scared to death I am going to try
I contacted lawyer said I have to sign pw to cancle pd today

I am handling what I can today plan to leave first thing in am I will handle the rest by phone once I get there

Contacted Relitor house back on for rent sept 1st told her she will just have to mail us the pw to sign!

I figure the stuff in house if he wants it we will have to come get it and five the rest away it's just stuff at this point stuff means nothing

I am going to throw away my phone only taking numbers I need to eliminate om from being able to contact me

I won't have phone a place to live or a job an 950mls away don't see him finding away to contact me

Email addresses, facebook, and any mutual friends needs to go too.

As far as the NC letter goes, find some examples on here. Write up your rough draft.

Again, do you have SAA? If you do, there is an example in there of a NC letter.

Rocky,

What you "want" is basically to start over. You want to start over in marriage, in love, in life.


Nobody can, yet, everybody can.


It's a conundrum, Rocky.


Every day you wake up to a completely new opportunity. In fact, each MOMENT presents you with an opportunity to CHANGE.


The issue is


WILL YOU?


It really takes nothing more than your simple CHOICE, within each moment, to CHOOSE BETTER.


That's all that is required to "start over", Rocky.


There is no requirement of a given start date. I know that many people wait until January 1st, and say, "Oh, I will begin anew on that date, I will start a new diet, I will exercise every day, I will start looking at the world differently beginning on that particular date."

And meanwhile, they continue on with the same bad practices. "Practicing" being, well, BAD.

In reality, there is no magic "date" to begin changing for the better. It happens the MOMENT YOU CHOOSE TO CHANGE, Rocky.


Notice...I said...CHOOSE.


Because you can look back over your life for "reasons" and "excuses" for why you behave this way or that way. You can look at other people for their influences in your life and why you "react" the way you do.

In the end, however, you really do CHOOSE your own behavior. Each and every time. Whether you have an affair, or yell at your husband, or lie, or make a loving request, or go to counseling, or meet his needs or your own - you CHOOSE the response.

You are the ONLY person directly connected to your own brain.

And inside that brain is where all the choices are made.


I say this as the survivor of severe physical and emotional child abuse, and as the survivor of childhood rape, and as the survivor of physical abuse within a relationship. I have been there, in more ways than one.

I chose not to leave when I could have. I did the wrong thing back then, and chose to make excuses for my abusive boyfriend...for far too long. Those mistakes are mine to own, not his. He has his share of mistakes to own, and I give them to him.

It was when I woke up and OWNED my CHOICES that I was able to finally escape my past


and start over.


Because as much as I would have LOVED to have blamed so many other people


and to have gone on as the victim forever



I have lived as a very strong, confident, happy, serene, and RESPECTED woman


ever since the day I


CHOSE


to begin again


as the owner of the RIGHT choices.




And even when my choices are not as "right" as I want them to be????


I proudly own them. Because THAT is what it is to truly LIVE.



Go home. Start over. Own your choices, and never blame another soul for YOUR life. Because when you succeed - you want to own that, too. And when you do, you will proudly join hands with those who helped you. Because as owner of your choices, you will soon learn


nobody does anything good on his or her own.



Live Strong.


Schoolbus

Rocky,

I really think you should read my ww post on here. Strugglingaz...You will find someone who for about 2 weeks that wanted to work on our marriage then put me through a false recovery until I found she contacted the om and now we are in the middle of a divorce!

I can already tell you what my 6 year-old daughter says about what happened and that it will affect her future relationship with her mother no matter how much her mother buys her or takes her places!! I am honest to my kids about what happened and they know and will continue to know that I wanted my marriage and she did NOT!

See when you follow your feelings for the OM and neglect your BH you have created a huge problem that YOU can fix!!! I took my ww back and she did the absolute cruelest thing she could have done to me and our kids by putting us through a false recovery!

Right now you don't deserve your husband! If you want to prove to him you are worth it then you better know what just compensation is along with having some strong EP's and be willing to alter your personal boundaries. It takes ACTIONS!!

See Rocky I don't communicate with my WW either! Why do we as BS want to be hurt again and again! I took responsibility for my side of the marriage, but I would never of hurt her the way she has hurt me and that leaves a huge hole in my heart! Think about your husband and why possibly he doesn't want to be hurt and lied to again..

The thing about all of this though is that you CAN change and become that awesome spouse and have that fantastic marriage you always wanted! Believe me my ww hasn't even begun to feel the fallout---be better than that Rocky-for kids, your husband, and yourself!!

Yes I am only taken lawyers relitors mothers number

"Nc letter all I know to say is"...

Oh, come on. Really? Of the 400 places to find a template here and in SAA, and this is what you come up with? Wah.

Speaking of Wah, how's about you not use this >>> ! <<<< punctuation except on a Birthday Card for a year or so?

You have so much advice here...you (and the good folks) don't need me to antagonize. It's too frustrating to witness and I'm not the most patient person with "hopie/changie" speak. I wish you the best though.

hotel is booked my husband calls to beg me not to come says i am wasting my time

going but I know it's over I hurt him to much

It is not over. Period.

Go. Because you need to figure out what YOU have to do to fix YOU.


And at least PART of that answer includes the fact that the other man is NOT in the picture.

SB

Good stuff, there you go.



Over? You havent even started!

Doing the right thing is never a waste of time.

Whenever you feel the pain of this situation really start to bite, let it drive you forward to the way out instead of pulling you down.

Rocky, if you move and Strike doesn't try to reconcile, what is the worst possible outcome? You will get a D, and the two of you will share custody of your son(and hopefully you will encourage the relationship that Strike has with your other son). Neither one of you will have to go MONTHS without seeing your child. Is that really so bad?

You need to get away from OM for YOU. You need to do it because the person you have become is no where near the person whom you were, and the person whom you want to be.

Go because it is the right thing to do.

I am paking an loading the van all is coming together

For the first thing in the am treak to Fla! I know in my heart I just messed things so bad an hurt him to much I don't think he coul have been more clear

said there was no chance in he'll he would never beielve a word I ever said an my actions mean nothing to him anymore ither

I am going an about as terrified as I have ever been

The definition of courage is doing something even though you are scared stiff. Keep going.

Awesome SB

It is true that those words and that attitude is eternal , and new every morning .

I hear that voice within telling me the same things but when you put it like that, it strengthens me anew

Thank you for that

Fear? You have already lost if you give in.

Courage - feeling the fear and doing the right things anyway - again and again while they remain the right things to do.

Here's the thing about fear when it comes to relationships. Weighing in the balance all of the years, communication and the intricate linguistics that a couple learns over time - you don't have that with OM, never will because it started out wrong.

So if you want to start over, think of the whole process of learning the other person's language - all of the subtleties and nuances. You have to do the work. With recovering a marriage from betrayal, you still at least KNOW S2'S LANGUAGE - you know - somewhere in you, you know. He has walls up and deservedly so. He deserves self-protection. And he will not know for a very long time if you can protect him from YOU. Even if you do all the right things.

A recovering wayward deserves a different message but you are less than two weeks from last contact with OM. You have to do the heavy lifting and fear is a luxury you can't afford to indulge in for a very long time to come. For the sake of your children, if you care for them at all. Do the right thing by their father.

I guess what I'm telling you is that the years of marriage are not wasted by your betrayal if you do all that you must (beyond all that you can) to do the right things again and again. Until you know for a fact that you have given your very best, all of your heart without reservation or condition to the recovery of your marriage - and that will take time - you cannot take this marriage to "over" before growing to this level of moral character without that internal whip of fear and terror you currently use on yourself driving you for the rest of your life. Life will teach you this lesson over and over again until you learn to be good. Let's hope the body count does not include your children - they're already wounded to the core because of what you've done and the only way to truly heal them is to become a woman of honor.