Rocky, good job on the packing and other arrangements to move. I can understand the emotional rollercoaster you're on right now, too, and while it is a given, don't let it run out of control.

Early on in our recovery, in the midst of one of my crazy, weepy, depressive, desperate episodes, my BH told me in no uncertain terms: my desperation, my emotional craziness, was not making him sure of my commitment to recovery; instead, it was making him extremely scared for my ability to get my head on straight and do the work required of me.

My emotional rollercoaster made him think I was going to ditch the relationship.

Coupled with your false recovery of once before, I think you can appreciate how the desperation of your posts and your current actions are still not "fixing everything." This is not to discourage you - rather, I want you to try to stop, breathe, and make that one single commitment right now to do the right thing. Don't get overwhelmed by all of the other stuff: just focus on Strike and doing the right thing by him, by your kids, and by your marriage vows.

You can do this.

I am going an about as terrified as I have ever been

Terrified of? Somehow, in all the angst, agony and "Oh, you poor thing..." notes here, what gets forgotten is the incredibly decent treatment you've gotten from S2. What you SHOULD be terrified of is that he'll wise up and treat you with the contempt that your slutty behavior warrants.

Brings to mind the old story about the teenager who kills both parents and then throws himself on the mercy of the court because he's an orphan!

Enjoy your trip!!!!!!!!

NG, you are sooo going to get censored. LOL! I'm out...I can't stomach Rocky anymore.

Oh, and still no NC letter written? She's "so confused".

Mrs. V, I appreciate you, but Rocky isn't even thinking about step one (NC and NC letter), much less any next steps.

Rocky, I hope you are sincere this time. Alot of good folks like GloveOil and others spent much of their valuable time posting to you. Please don't waste their time.

NC Letter

I wrote my NC letter with a great deal of help from page 58 in �Surviving An Affair�, by Dr. Willard Harley. He suggests something pretty close to what I wrote.

XXX, I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk with you again. My affair with you was a cruel indulgence that (my wife) did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay (my wife) for the pain I have caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she has been missing. I love my wife and family and I do not want to do anything to risk their happiness again. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end all contact.

tst

I gave the letter to my wife, she approved, sealed and mailed the letter herself. I followed up my commitment by slamming the door on EVERY possible means of contact. My wife followed up my letter with a call to OW that if contact were ever made by her, it would result in a harassment law suit.

Kudos for showing your face here again....

Do I trust you?
No!

Should anyone trust you?
No!

Should I have been trusted once I showed up on MB?
No!

Was I given guidance?
Yes!

Did people call bull when they saw it?
Yes!

Will people call bull when you spread it?
Well, Ya, of course!

Are there things you need to do?
Well, Duh, of course!

So write the NC Letter like the one I just posted and cc Strike, asking him for his help regardless of whether he's done or not...
Can you easily do this?
Yes!

So get it done!

Let us know once this action is complete and wait for Strike to approve it and ask if he will send it even if he is done with the marriage.
Can you easily do this?
Of course you can!
So do it!

Next,

Follow thru with you other actions of traveling back to Fla.

Actions are required!

Can you do this?

Yes!

Rocky,

I wasn't going to post to you again, but wanted to pop in to say that this is probably your last chance effort at reconciliation. This is the last chance for you to end the lies and work towards regaining your dignity as a woman and a mother.

Listen, waywards do not make good parents. You cannot be and be wayward at the same time. Cheaters are selfish by nature, and thus the thought of a wayward even being able to make good parental judgements is just wrong. So either you LEAVE this destructive lifestyle behind, or you will be leaving your kids behind one way or another.

I for one, hope that you will finally follow your words and past empty promises and move back to FL. BE a real mom to your kids, stop skanking with another man, and TRY TO BE A REAL WIFE to your husband, who has been willing to work towards having a loving and beautiful marriage with you. Many others (including myself) simply would not do that. I'm no longer that forgiving.

This is it. The 11th hour. Are you going to take the easy way out, no make that the COWARDLY way out or are you going to woman up?

Haha - Surfer, your posts have been cracking me up, you and NG. Half of me wants to boot Rocky from here 'til tomorrow, and the other half remembers what it was like in those early, foggy days.

If it doesn't help her, maybe it will help one of those ubiquitous lurkers... ?

Rocky, the reason I keep posting to you is b/c maybe, just maybe, you have a chance that I don't. Maybe I'm just a hopeless optimist at heart. But you have a husband who has been willing, and maybe still is willing. This is probably your last shot, and if you throw that away with a half-azz NC letter, or fail to follow through with your actions, I seriously doubt any of the folks on this board, myself included, will be back to help you again. It's sorta like the boy who cried "wolf!" After a time, the villagers stopped responding...and when the wolf was really at the door, well, you know what happens in the story.

Yeah, like when a younger child learns from watching an older one who gets in trouble, or when you see a peer go to jail, or get into a car accident... "Gee..it CAN happen to me!"

Many times I am counselled indirectly by others counselling others myself, thats the benifet of staring the problems in the face, with a community of support. It strengthens us too.

But we are all so comepletly different people, from different walks of life, who have seen and experienced things in marraiges, because we lacked the same skills taught by Dr H. and MB.

I also beleive as I and everyone can attest, that they came here not because they made no mistakes, but because they made some pretty heavy ones.

Rocky has the same chance as anyone to recover herself, and then her marriage, if she follows the instructions. As responsible human beings, and also as weak ones ourselves, its our duty to help those lost, to find thier way.

But they must do it, because they will own it, and that is more preciuos than Gold.

Follow the instructions Rocky, and keep getting up. You don't lose till you quit the fight, no matter how many times you fall down, you get back up.

I am not talking about staying here and seeing OM, if you do that its emotional and spiritual suicide. I am talking about the fear, the guilt, and desire to run away and hide. Go there, get established, and make yourself available to strike no matter what. It is the right thing to do for him and your children, therefore for you also.

Yes we all post expecting to help more than the original poster, and I for one have been helped, because of the heart of other posters, and thier fearless support of marriage, and all it is supposed to and can be for everyone.

FWIW, my then-wayward husband back in 1979 (wow, it really was a long time ago) told me:


"I do not love you, I never did love you, and I never will love you."


And he left me.


During his three-month hiatus, he tried to get with his fantasy OW, who actually had eyes for another man. My husband never did want to come home, really.

When he did come home, he was there ONE NIGHT, and then had a ONS.


Yep.

It took him one single night before he cheated on me.


So, I promptly slapped him in the face, walked out the door, and got into our old VW bus and drove away. I was on a California freeway, screaming every obscenity I could think of, at nobody. Just driving and yelling. I wasn't going anywhere, as I had nowhere to go. I wasn't yelling at anyone, because I was all alone in the bus.

I realized that here I was, driving, and had some really good things to say - and my stupid husband was sitting back at the apartment NOT HEARING THEM! So I promptly exited the freeway, turned that bus around, and drove home. When I turned into our driveway, I was so angry...

I wiped out the mailbox with the side of the VW. The landlord was standing there watching me. I rolled down the window and yelled, "Don't worry, ______ will fix that."


I got out, went into the apartment, sat down, and proceeded to tell that man exactly how the NEW marriage would roll out.

And it did. For many many many years, it rolled that way. From 1979 until his dadgum mid-life idiocy in 2005, it rolled.



So, things can work out, Rocky. You just hang in there. Do not stop, work on your changes, choose to do the right thing with each and every decision.

Because somewhere in there YOU have promise.


SB

Mrs. V! Bless your heart, and for all of the others trying to help Strike and her. I have sarcasmitis on occasion.

Yes, maybe all of this CRYSTAL CLEAR, getoffyourduffandgrowupyouareanadulthaveachild style advise will sink in to a lurker out there. Oops. There it is again.

Thanks for all that you do!

I hope thats the sound of driving home to Strike coming from you right now Rocky. Look forward to hearing great strides, guts and determination from you soon.

It was a long drive but the boys and I made it home

oh how excited the boys where to see there daddy!

I was to so very much

brought the handwritten nc letter with me for my husband to review

got to lay with my husband and babies for a while last night

hope he will see me today

I haven't seen my husband in a long time and I can see the pain in his face
I did that I caused that............

You are taking your first steps towards becoming a woman of integrity again - good for you.

The challenge will be to keep going, to keep making those steps. You can do it.

Rockydugan,

I have read both threads and I have to say although you have been lost a lot of the time I see a good woman in there and I am proud of who you are trying to be right now......
You have to own this and you have to come up with a plan to show your family that they are what matter to YOU.
Strike2 is going to be very gun shy, he isn't going to just believe your words, you will have to show yourself truthful through actions and precautions.......
You will have to think through everything you say and do so he can't get any other idea but what you are trying to present.......
You need to be totally open, I suggest a note pad back and forth to reveal information that is needed to get the truth.........it helps with the chance of things getting to hurtful and the conversation getting out of control.
You find out what Strike2 needs from you right now, ask him, discuss it and show him all on your own what you want to do for him, fill the love bank for him, let him trust the little things for now........slowly over time he will feel safer.....don't rush things..........
Get help from Dr. Harley's site together............
Live the life the two of you should have been living.......with your kids......
Forget anything else none of that matters anymore.........
Make that pain in his face disappear................that is your job now...

Great post Jessie
I like the notebook idea very tender
Grats Rocky you won that battle hats off

Rocky, one other thing I thought of, especially in light of the false recovery so far:

It gets better. If you put in the hard work now, no matter how low the recovery rollercoaster dips, it gets better.

If, however, you run away when the going gets tough, you are guaranteeing nothing more than continued misery and pain - for all parties involved.

In the words of the great JL: please think about this.