I will have to disagree with you HHH. If we are supposed to be careful of what hear and see, I think journalists,and I use that term lightly, should be held accountable for what they publish,again lightly.

But I a country with free speech we will get these people, and parents are responsible to educate children of deeper values, but are they?

I remember the first playboy mag I saw, and how when I saw the centerfold, how the first thought I had was"I wonder what kind of books she reads?"

Ever since then it has been my first thought when meeting a beautiful woman. The rush in my pulse was all about her character

Ok haha. But I have dated a lot of pretty women, and with rare exception have I not found them to feel somwhat entitled. What do we blame that on or is that what women are supposed to be valued on?

Yes HHH men will allways be men,and visually stimulated, but guys like Hef encourage us to think with the wrong head.
Just can't respect that

New RANT (thank you)

People who want "help" but LIE about their situation.
Are they too stoooooopid to realize that the lies make the "help" they receive useless ?????

Imagine this, you go to the physician and LIE about your symptoms.
The physician gives you an opinion based on LIES.

Imagine this, you go to the car mechanic and LIE about the car's condition.
The mechanic gives you an opinion based on LIES.

Imagine this, you go to your child's teacher and LIE about your child's problems with school work.
The teacher gives you an opinion based on LIES.

WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT?
Sabotage your own progress by lying?

IT AIN'T GONNA WORK PEOPLE !!!!!!!

Like Forest Gump said ....

Or Pep, his best one from that movie.."I'm not a smart man Jenny, but I know what love is"

Funny how common RL compared to that Flick, in the wayward mindset anyways, the ones convinced that they were better than the simple people who pulled the weight for them in life.

Then there is the persons who thinks they can re-write history and make it work as they cut thier spouses throats to live another chapter of thier fantasy lifes.

To all of those caught in a relationship with such as these, my only advice is, "RUN, FORREST, RUNNNNNN"

Eventually, Jenny returned to marry Forest. But, she returned on her own time line.

Interestingly enough, this movie used to be one of my bigger triggers.
It came out in 1994, in the middle of my H's EA/PA. At that time, I was completely without suspicion. H (WH) and I went to see Forest Gump together. When Forest described his relationship with Jenny as: "Me and Jenny goes together like peas and carrots. ." .... H (WH) let out an audible sigh in appreciation of the writing. I took his hand and squeezed it ..... because I thought it reminded him of OUR relationship. The following year, I found out that my H (WH) had used that same line in a love letter written to OW. OWH read me the letter over the phone.

It's weird what happens to triggers.
As sharp and as hurtful as they initially are, they do fade in significance, and much later are nothing more than evidence of the former WS's stupidity.

Forrest Gump remains one of my all time favorite movies. Because of the acting, the editing, the soundtrack, and especially because of the writing.
It is pain free, despite the "peas/carrots" line.

Pep,

Not a rant - for a change.


Thanks for writing this post. I am so glad to hear what you wrote about triggers. "Forest Gump" was one of my favorite movies (as was Christmas Story). Our family always quoted lines from both these movies. During his A, my H told the OW that "until he met her, he felt like the feather in the move - floating around without direction".

Once in a while, one of us will still uses a line from the movie in conversation and they don't bother me too much. But, I have not been able to watch either movie yet. Maybe someday. I hope so. I think the more my H is meeting my needs, the spark of love is there. If there is enough feeling, I don't think the triggers will be pain free.

Often, it seemed to me as if my H's conversation and behavior with OW were attempts to re-create his and my conversations and pleasent memories. It was the same with the gifts he gave her - things that I would have liked or had given him in the past.

AM

The "yes, but" game.
Offer a suggestion ~~~> the "yes but" response ~~~> "Yes, but that won't work because (insert excuse # 17)".


Alternative to "Yes but" game ~~~> The ever useful "We tried that already" game ... AKA The "We did everything already" game.

I'm already bored with them.

Can I rant?

Waywards coddling other waywards -- patting each other on the back, encouraging each other along on their destructive paths, and leaving wounded spouses and innocent children in their wake.

Why would anyone counsel another to destroy their own life? Their marriage? Their children?

So heartbreaking ... it's almost difficult to rant about.

"Do not be deceived: Bad company corrupts good morals." 1 Corinthians 15:33

Prisca, Thats what happens with My EX WW. The person doing that is the OM who deserted and divorced his family as well. Now they can just comfort each other and if fumes me. THey have no regard for what they have done to anyone else and that is the truth.

Well, while we are at it. Rant about "friends" and family members who are "supportive" by telling the wayward to do whatever will "make them happy".

AM

Prica and AM - Unfortunately I can top that one - my MIL is the who cheated on her alcoholic and abusive husband, moved her AP into the marital home, then eventually ran away to another country for 20 years. She also had cosmetic surgery and left behind a rather large family behind. It was all about her. Guess what, she's an old lady now. She lives by herself and lives for the family drama. She is also my WW's biggest supporter - I think she's trying to re-write her 'legacy' and probably wishes that someone would have supported her in the way she's supporting WW. What a mess.

Andy,

Your MIL is not so different from mine. Nearly 2 years ago, my MIL had a minor stroke. My H went to stay with her for a couple of weeks. He was to install hand rails, ramps, etc. While there, he used MIL's phone and computer to contact OW (after nearly 16 months of NC). Not only did MIL know and support H's contact of OW, she advised him to leave me for her to "be happy". The last conversation I had with her was 18 months ago, when I found out about her involvement and confronted her. My H has 3-4 phone conversations with her a year. He no longer respects her or her advice.

AM

That is a huge hit to you guys. I cannot imagine going through this without the support of my inlaws. They have been my biggest support group. I feel for both of you.

Lostman,
I did not miss in-law support. On D-day, it came out that my FIL had had at least one LTA and MIL had no idea how many ONS, as FIL was an Air Force pilot who travelled extensively. So, what kind of advice could she give anyway? Our children, especially DD37 and DS23, were very supportive. Both let H know that his actions were a big disappointment to them. Both thought I ought to separate/divorce H.

Prisca,
That's a very appropriate verse. H knows he is blessed to be recovering "himself" and our marriage.

Enough from me. At this point, I am not ranting on the rant thread. I hate T/Js. Wait a minute. That's a rant.

AM

OMG people, why can't you go into PLAN B? Why do you then post, "I broke Plan B, I talked to my WS. I texted my WS." But it couldn't be helped, they provoked me. HUH? How?

Some of the "reasons" are also quite ridiculous. I mean seriously, you don't need to talk to your WS because they are picking up your child 10 minutes late. And if they won't use the IM, tough TOOTIES for them. You MAKE them, by NOT communicating any other way.

And for pity's sake, block their number or email addy. That way, if they try to send you something, you won't be tempted to answer them because you won't know.

Also, think about your Plan A, and then Plan B as a way to prove that you are going to be ready for recovery, to YOU. If you are willing to cut corners on the easier things(because Plan A and Plan B are easier), then what is going to happen when it gets really tough?

People, get into a dark Plan B, and if you make a slip, get back up and DO it right next time. And if there are holes, then PLUG em up. DO it for YOU.

Remember, the more you break Plan B, the less serious you are going to seem, and even if you do get a chance at MR, you will limp along and have a poor recovery, because your WS won't think you're serious, and you will cut corners whenever it gets too hard. Please.

Oh wait, that would mean they had control of thier life, and the direction it went in, and need a scapegoat to blame things on, or a magical leprechaun to come in and take over everything that for Gods sake, God has given us control of.

You know Scotty, that anything worth having worth working for, and thats the only way you appreciate it anyway. But hey, "look what they have!" and "Life is not fair!" is so prevelent and not seen for how dangerous that attitude really is.

I have said it before, and will say it again, marriage is a battleground where you learn to love, after the romamce of falling in love with someone who in many ways, you thought was perfect, at least for you. In this battle, you learn how to love the unlovly, and that sometimes is even yourself, and give them what they don't deserve, just because they need it.

But then that would mean looking past thier faults, and seeing thier needs..oops, I said it again, emotional needs, isn't there something around here about that?

So many do not see the priveledge they have to love, and want the income, and they don't even see it when they have it. Waywards suck, but people are afraid to be happy, and think they are smart as they take and take, and think they are getting it all, and have no moral boundaries,and start that road out of how they deserve more than they have, because are just plain spoiled. Ussually someone is whispering in thier ear,"Don't tell anyone, but you don't have to listen to them, you are special and the rules don't apply to you, you can skirt around them, look around and see what they have" Yeah Waywards where once real people, but thier specialness has taken them away, and they are a legend in thier own mind, which they hold onto the fantasy like it was thier own special gift from God. "Oh gee, it sure feels like God to me, and Gods a feeling right?"

Waywards suck but people are stupid acting like they have it all, and so others will beleive it, and follow them into thier fantasy. After all, if others will follow, doesn't it make my fantasy real? So why would they listen to us? Why would they take the road to a better marriage than they used to have? They still do not want to give up what they had, it was so special. They see what they want to, and belive what they want to, until it comes crashing down. Sometimes they will go to the grave thinking life was not fair, waiting for miracles, when they are right in front of them every day.

There are none so blind as those who WILL NOT see.

Rant on:

Why do people come to a site called Marriage Builders for relationship advicce when they are not married? It is not as if the site is called shackingup.com.

AM

And then after they tell you that marriage is the same as shacking up ["we feel married"] they tell you marriage is "only a piece of paper." ummm, why insist your relationship is the same and then dismiss marriage in the next breath?

Rant of the Day:

What is the deal with people who lie on anonymous WRITTEN forums? I understood when my then wayward H got confused about what verbal lies he had told. But wouldn't you think if someone wrote something, they would not be writing something different as soon as a couple of days later. OR they would at least re-read what they had written so they could lie consistently.



AM

Why AM, what did I say?
Rofl