|
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,870
Member
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,870 |
..Today - I try to learn from those people and those moments. It is hard to write to someone when you know they aren't using the comments to really grow. Hmm well ITL, I can't believe that about you..All those kids, and you never had the experience of saying something to them over and over and over and over and over... till..."Ok Mommy I just thought of something!" What you were saying comes out with smile on thier face, like they thought of it all by themselves. It was just like they heard it for the first time.. Its why God made kids so cute, so you wouldn't kill em. But God feeds us even when we are bad, just like we feed our children. We say it because its the truth, and thats the best we can do, whether they listen or not. Can't help getting attached tho, I get it
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
It's a darn good thing that I'm COMPLETELY CRAZY about you or I'd just leave to to your "Crazy Alien Life" and let you fall on your face! Oh Bill you are a Plan A hero!!!! I just love this - put it in your sig if you have room. I was struggling with how to view my WH today - how to reconcile my romantic blue eyes with softlad stupid alien - and you sum it up sooo well. That just made me laugh out loud and I REALLY needed that today. T/J over!
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
Member
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
Ive only been here two months and the traffic has already slowed q dramatically on my thread. I'm hoping my thread gets buried very, very, very deep and never resurrects its ugly head again. I'm no longer that person, and I don't want the reminder of what a whiney, entitled ***** I was.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
Oh but Prisca, people like me see who you are now and think - she could never have been as nutso as my so-and-so is...
I havent read it but guessing that the contrast makes for hope.
There's a few people on here actually whose original thread I have looked for and havent been able to find.
Which is prob a good thing - as that leaves time for sleep!
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240 |
The issue Scotty is you can see the red flags of her marriage all over the place. Nobody wants a pizzing contest. It is frustrating when someone spends so much time here, yet you see the marriage sinking on the Titanic.
I actually enjoyed the comments because it reminds me of what I would have if I took WH back today. I don't want to be that person anymore. I used to be able to fly off the handle like that - every little thing got under my skin.
Today - I try to learn from those people and those moments. It is hard to write to someone when you know they aren't using the comments to really grow. Thing is, I read her post. I didn't know what to say, since it wasn't about implementing MB. Sure, there was evidence that MB isn't being used, but I can't MAKE anyone use MB. Also, for a poster whom has been here longer than I to post something, what would I have to add? They should already know more than I do, if they are using the principles in their marriage and doing it the way it is supposed to be done. I don't post to affairages. As soon as I see that the poster is in one, I ignore them. I won't help people who have knowingly destroyed someone else's life, and now are trying to keep the affairage together. Do some people post to them? Certainly, but not I. I also don't take a lot of time to post to people who aren't legally married to each other. MB can have SOME advantages for them, but not all of MB. Does any of this mean that I am in a "click?" HECK NO. What it means is that I have my own choices on whom to post to, and I use them. I have loads and loads of experience with plan B, so when a poster is getting close, I will do whatever I can to help them out. But again, I can only give you the same advice again and again if you aren't going to use it. Remember, the Love Bank applies to ALL relationships in our lives. Even here, there are certain people's names that SCREAM at me "DO NOT READ THIS." Does that make me a bad person? I wouldn't say so. As far as what I write on my thread now, and for a while, it has been mostly just "talk." I haven't asked for MB type advice for a while. I am only sharing what is going on during my Plan B to allow others to see for themselves what can happen. The last IM exchange I had, and for MANY of the last ones, I haven't asked MB how I should respond or what I should say, I did it first and then talked about it here to update it for everyone else. I was unaware that some people didn't want me to update my posts. Oh well, I am NOT doing it for them, so I am not going to stop because they don't want it to continue. No sweat off my back. Just a reminder to people posting, there ARE people on the other side of these words, and they have LIVES too. They have CHOICES, and you shouldn't condemn people for how they CHOOSE to post. And if you feel like YOU aren't getting enough timely attention, maybe you should look at YOURSELF before blaming some strangers on a forum that has tried to HELP you in the past. Throwing a temper tantrum like that only shows an entitlement mindset, which WILL be challenged. WOW, I really had a lot more in me than I thought. It HURT. Where's my ZEN garden dern it.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 289
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 289 |
Oh Bill, don't worry, MY WH has blamed YOU for the vietnam war. It has to be someone else's fault of course. NOW I'M SERIOUS!!..... I LAUGHED OUT LOUD!!!!
BH(Me)= 55 WW(Her)=43 DD=24 (My step-daughter, been raising her since the age of 8, SHE'S MY DAUGHTER!!) Married=13 yrs Together=16.5 yrs THIS IS MY STORYWW moved out of the home = May 1,2011 D-Day=July 4, 2011 Dear Wife: I'm COMPLETELY CRAZY about you!..... as of Aug-2012 forget that last part....Good Luck to you and GOODBYE!!"Mourn the woman she was. Know the woman she is."
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 289
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 289 |
It's a darn good thing that I'm COMPLETELY CRAZY about you or I'd just leave to to your "Crazy Alien Life" and let you fall on your face! Oh Bill you are a Plan A hero!!!! I just love this - put it in your sig if you have room. I DID IT!!!! And it's TRUE!!.......I LOVE MY WIFE!!!!
BH(Me)= 55 WW(Her)=43 DD=24 (My step-daughter, been raising her since the age of 8, SHE'S MY DAUGHTER!!) Married=13 yrs Together=16.5 yrs THIS IS MY STORYWW moved out of the home = May 1,2011 D-Day=July 4, 2011 Dear Wife: I'm COMPLETELY CRAZY about you!..... as of Aug-2012 forget that last part....Good Luck to you and GOODBYE!!"Mourn the woman she was. Know the woman she is."
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240 |
Oh Bill, don't worry, MY WH has blamed YOU for the vietnam war. It has to be someone else's fault of course. NOW I'M SERIOUS!!..... I LAUGHED OUT LOUD!!!!THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT HAHAHAHAHA Okay, I'm not REALLY going. I can't leave this place.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 851
Member
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 851 |
Thing is, I read her post. I didn't know what to say, since it wasn't about implementing MB. Sure, there was evidence that MB isn't being used, but I can't MAKE anyone use MB. Also, for a poster whom has been here longer than I to post something, what would I have to add? They should already know more than I do, if they are using the principles in their marriage and doing it the way it is supposed to be done. Scotty, I think that's a great point, truly - I read the whole thing as well, but IMO, I didn't have anything to offer. I stunk at resolving conflict pre-A, and while I have learned MB principles, I have basically no experience implementing POJA in a recovering M. As far as what I write on my thread now, and for a while, it has been mostly just "talk." I haven't asked for MB type advice for a while. I am only sharing what is going on during my Plan B to allow others to see for themselves what can happen. Yep. I feel like I blog more than anything else. I don't have an outlet IRL, at least here I get encouragement to keep going, b/c IRL if I do say anything about my sitch I don't get that, I essentially get the whole "it's time for you to move on" speech. I don't have a lot of hope, but I still have some, and I am not ready to lose that last little bit yet, thankyouverymuch. So I know I'm not technically "In Recovery" though I post there, but I'm not "SAA" either...maybe I should move to the D thread, but I'll save that for when all hope is gone. Read or don't read, it's no skin off my nose, but I do appreciate the folks who chime in from time to time even though there's not much that can be said to help in my sitch, except for just knowing that someone hears me out there, and maybe doesn't think I'm nuts. Or maybe y'all do think I am nuts and are too nice to tell me. FWIW back to my original point (did I have one?) I read a lot of the threads here, but only weigh in on the ones I feel I can offer help. I don't like jumping in on BH threads too soon with the FWW label, but tend to wait a bit. I feel comfortable trying to help new WSs (WWs particularly) b/c obviously, been there, done that. In an unrelated note in a more rant-like vein, I have jury duty tomorrow. Urgh.
FWW
"Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough." ~ Earl Wilson
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240 |
Jury Duty? SHUDDER.
Are you already picked, or are you going for selection?
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
In fact I am posting on the other people's threads with what limited experience I can offer - paying it forward. And a fine job you're doing
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 851
Member
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 851 |
I dunno if I'll actually get picked for a jury - I'm in tomorrow's "pool." The letter they sent me assigns a #, and then they called jurors # 1 to 200-and-something, and my # is in that range. One of the guys at work got called a few weeks ago, and got on a civil case for an entire week. Most folks who have anything to do with working in the "system" get dumped from criminal cases, but not so civil, which in a way is kind of a bummer 'cause at least a criminal case might be more interesting. Oh well. Haven't been summoned for jury duty since I was in college, and I got out of it then, so might as well go and earn my $12 (which might just barely cover the gas to get down there!!!) and hope they send me home at the end of the day!
FWW
"Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough." ~ Earl Wilson
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,757
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,757 |
...posts that conflate "clique" with "click"...
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 592
Member
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 592 |
Ok, I'm curious, which poster are you referring to ?
Aka S2
I know what's next. I filed for D. Original betrayal and two FR's in one year. I'm done.
A sure way to lose happiness, I found, is to want it at the expense of everything else.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240 |
...posts that conflate "clique" with "click"... Sorry, I was just quoting, but you are SO RIGHT.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,870
Member
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,870 |
It's prolly better we don't know strike but I was wondering too
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,653
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,653 |
Really? Am I in the "click" or out of it? Ooh ooh ooh!!! Can I be in the cool-kids' club, too!! If you post something, and no one responds, it is simply because the people who read it didn't know what to tell you. Yup, that about sums it up on my end.
Me (BH) FWW Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,653
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,653 |
...posts that conflate "clique" with "click"... ...posts that require me to look up the meaning of "conflate"...
Me (BH) FWW Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,757
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,757 |
Touche!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
...posts that require me to look up the meaning of "conflate"... I was a little conflated today, but I took a Tums. I'm a lot better now.
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
0 members (),
123
guests, and
74
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Children
by BrainHurts - 10/19/24 03:02 PM
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,616
Posts2,323,460
Members71,895
|
Most Online3,185 Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|