Thank you Melody. You make a lot of sense. I hadn't thought of his management being detrimental before, hence just the location change before. This is why I'm so thankful Ridic pointed me here. She knew is get the advice I needed.

He's at a restaurant chain so he will need to go to his area director since he's the top at his specific restaurant.

He is a trained chef by trade and wonderful at it, so he could get out of management entirely, yes.

I should also mention he is an online gamer (world of warcraft) and has an addiction to that as well. If he put half as much effort and time into our marriage and family that he does into that, well...let's just say communication and emotional needs would be a lot easier to meet. I also fully realize that him being addicted to this gaming helps him live in a fantasy world even more and it too needs to stop.

A couple years ago I tired the if you can't beat em' join em' mentality and tried to play with him but it sucked the life out of me and after a year I quit. It also helped him get further sucked in. He would raid every.single.night. now at least he asks to raid (which takes his full focus for several hours) and its 2-3 night but he still plays daily. And its a huge distraction from our family and me. It has to stop. It's an addiction.

You are spot on Susie. Especially when it comes to that admiration. And the not admitting it was his boundaries.

Ridic said you guys would help so much. She was so right.

OK. NC letter is sent, certified with signature required. He was in agreement with sending the NC letter.

I made the mistake, when this first happened of posting about this issue at another forum on a private board. i received a lot of well meaning, but misguided support at the time.

When I initially said I was going to expose to her husband, a lot of people freaked saying it was a bad idea because of the possibility of violence against my husband or my family, especially (not sure why) because of the fact they are hispanic. (Some took offense to that, as did I).

But, it spooked me, I admit, and that is part of the reason why I hesitated with the NC letter and exposure to her husband. We did not put our home address as the return address though, just to be safe.

But, the NC letter has been sent, to their home, because it's the only means of contact I have for her at this point. I don't know who will sign for it though, and if he does, well, exposure will happen, I'm positive. So I killed 2 birds with one stone in that scenario.

It was offensive . We have no expectation that this man will be any different than you. Heartbroken and blindsided. Shame on those who projected otherwise.

I am glad you took steps to let him know. He deserves the truth of his own life. He needs the ability to know what has been done to him.

As for how to contact him for full exposure after this, if she happens to be the one to sign for it, that is going to be tricky.

Ridic has been trying to help me and so far we have found NOTHING, not even a name on this man. Everything is in her name, phone, anything related to the house, etc.

As I said from what I understand she has a work visa, but no green card. Ridic and I think he may be here illegally which is why we can't find anything.

I think it will have to be via a three way phone call, with a friend who can translate for me. Because they live an hour away, and I don't have anyone locally, I can't stake the house out and find out when he's home and she's not easily at all, and approach him in person.

If he is anything like illegals here in my town, he will have a job where he works Monday - Saturday as a laborer. That means he might be home after 8pm and on Sunday mornings. When you do call, I would disguise your # using *67 so she doesn't see your husbands name come up in case they have caller ID.

That's what I assumed too, that he was a day laborer working construction or something. And yeah, totally will use *67. Heck no I won't be giving them any info on where I live, LOL.

I'm just taking a lot of deep breaths because this was scary for me today.

I also keep waiting to hear if she made any contact today because she has a last paycheck waiting for her as of today.

contact with ..........your husband?

Yes. She had one paycheck left to pick up and didn't pick it up this morning from the other manager. I had a feeling she'd wait until no other manager was there to do it.

anyway, She picked it up about a half hour ago and turned in her uniforms. Which she sprayed with perfume.

He called me, claimed he just gave her the check, she said thanks for giving her the opportunity for working there. Then claims he turned his back on her and she left. Then just called again to say the uniforms smelled heavily of perfume.

Your husband just broke contact..........AGAIN.

Yes.

Ridic told me to ask you how to word it when I confront him about a polygraph. Because I don't believe she'd still be so attached if there was no sex. Regardless of the fact that he can't set boundaries.

Oh and when he told me about the perfume I was like ok, not surprising. I guess I didn't have a strong enough reaction. because he asked if I wanted hm to bring them home so I could smell them.

really? I mean really???

Just use your best judgement, lemmix. Tell him you don't believe his version of the truth and need him to pass a polygraph. Let him know this will help you believe his story, which is to his benefit.

But before you do it, set up the appointment and make up a list of questions two days before the appt. Hand him the list and tell him he has one last chance to come clean before the polygraph, but that you fully expect him to pass the polygraph.

You can put that one in the thread about ridiculous things waywards say.

It goes nicely with my wayward's paint color complaints.

I'm still kind of dumbfounded. Did he really believe I wanted to smell her clothing?

Cake eating. Two women want him. Two women fighting for him, trying to get his attention. Two women meeting his needs.

I can tell you from personal experience, that I smelled OW on my WH's clothing, and now, whenever I smell that perfume, my heart starts racing and adrenaline starts pumping. It's an awful feeling and I would not wish that on you.

Do what ML suggests, she is AMAZING.

If I may weigh in, I'd say he offered that "fact" to prove that he is telling the truth.

20 things happened, but if I tell the truth about 2 of them, my story is validated.

Gaslighting if you ask me.

I've unfortunately smelled her perfume already. She drenched the necklace in it, which also permeated his car which is how i initially became suspicious. I will never forget that smell.

My guess is that the perfume drenched uniform was a lie tonight in case I did smell her on him, he would already have an excuse.