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Pepperband #2421389 08/27/10 09:08 AM
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True that my sis xWH has really stung the family and it has been 17 years. My sis new DH also went through a divorce, and the way he talks he sounds like a BS (I have no confirmation).

I love that Idea Pep, hopefully Sapph would too. Because it was never discussed in depth between sapph and the fam. Im sure they feel a bit betrayed considering my sis past.

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The hard part is I don't know what to say.

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Be sincere.
No "but" added to anything you say.
Don't go "on and on".

"What I did was so wrong and so hurtful. There is no excuse. I am sincerely regretful for the damage I caused."

Do NOT say: "Please, forgive me."

Once you've apologized, take a deep breath and ask if you can help out with anything in the kitchen (or whatever is going on).

The reason you don't want to go on and on about your adultery behavior, you NEVER KNOW if someone you are talking to has a skeleton in their closet ! blush

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Originally Posted By: SapphireReturns
The hard part is I don't know what to say.


This helped my H out.

Feel free ....

"I will do whatever it takes for as long as it takes to make things right."

Good luck !
kiss

Pepperband #2421397 08/27/10 09:19 AM
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I wonder if I can still find that email I sent to them, maybe it wasn't a good one? I don't know, but what I do know is that I need to apologize to them. I'll start with his mom tomorrow when I see her, face to face would be way better then a letter and a phone call.

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You would be wise to listen to Pep's advice on this. She knows of what she speaks. Please listen to her.

mindshare #2421416 08/27/10 09:55 AM
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I wrote this after one week at my sister's house, now remember that this is from email and my emotions were very high! So a lot of the things you will read I have repeated over and over. This was my apology letter, since I didn't have my phone with me and I was focusing on fixing myself my sister took it the whole time I was there, and this is what I wrote...

I just want everyone to know how sorry I am for what I have done; I know that it hurt my family, his family, my kids, and me. It hurts me so bad that all I want to do is cry, I didn't want any of this to happen, but it did and I have to live with the consequences whatever they might be. Also I want everyone to know how hard I am trying to get my life and family back, I know its going to take a long time for Wheels to trust me and I understand that completely, it will hurt, but again I have to live with that and I will, whatever it takes to get me back and my family. I will do ANYTHING! Right now I am terrified, because I know it wont be the same but I want everyone to know that I love each and every one of you, all the help you are giving Wheels and I. And I'm thankful that Wheels has family that are willing to help us any way they can, you guys have been there for us and I want you to know how sorry I am that I did this to Wheels, I do love him, very much! I want this to work out and I know I can pull through this especially if I have a family that loves me. Wheels is a wonderful person, everything he did I know was for the family because he loved me, and the kids. He truly is the best person I have in my life, and knowing what I did to him hurts me terribly inside, not because I care for him but because I LOVE him!

That is all I have been thinking about since I have been away, the things I did to Wheels and all the good things he did for me. I truly believe that Satan has been working on me very hard, I know that he is working on me now, and since I have been here its been easier for me to turn away from him, because all I have to do is think of all the wonderful things Wheels has done for me and our kids. All I have to do is remember how he held me and how much I liked it, or the way he played with the kids, and the way he looked at me when I told a silly joke.

I take full responsibility on the actions I have done, and the pain I have caused for Wheels, and I am soo grateful that we have a savior who died for us so we can repent and come back with him again. I know that my savior loves me still, I am his sister, and he is my brother, and I know he suffered for us. I keep saying that I can't give up on my kids, but now I am thinking I can't give up on my savior! After all he has done for me?

I love you, everyone! I love Wheels parents for what all they have done, and I am soo sorry and I hope you guys can forgive me on what I did to your son, and I want Wheels family to know that they are a part of me, I not only chose my family to be my family but I also chose Wheels family all of you! I also want to apologize to my family, I know you guys love me and I also know the pain and hurt you are feeling, the worst part of everything was knowing that I was hurting all of you, I did not want to do that, you are my eternal family, the family I chose to be with no matter how hard of a life we had when we were little, no matter how difficult life was, we still had our faith. And knowing what I have done kills me, and I would do anything...ANYTHING! For you guys to forgive me.

I want Wheels to know, even though he doesn't trust me, that I still do love you, and all those times I said that I didn't love you, was all a lie! Deep down I knew I still loved you, but knowing what I was doing to you, hurt me soo bad that I had to force myself not to love you, Satan was telling me that it would be easier for me to just say that I only cared about you as a friend. But if I only cared about you as a friend and still had feeling of so much pain about what I was doing! IT WAS ALL A LIE! I know that now, actually I've always known it, but there was so much pain that I thought it would help, and guess what. It didnt! With everything I have learned about Satan you would think I would know better? He is good...really good!! And I know you dont want to see me, and Im sorry, I'm sorry, Truly I am soo sorry! I dont know how long it will take for you to accept my apology but however long, I will be there! You have been wonderful, and I want you to know that I know we are meant for each other I mean come on! We are like water and oil smile blue/white versus yellow/red. I need a blue/white to help me balance in this life to take more responsibility, and you need a yellow/red to look at all the fun things in life! And I know you want more boundaries and I am totally fine with that, no more wow? ok GONE! You want to go for walks and spend quality time together? OK! No more facebook? I wont make another account! No more myspace? Ok I can delete it! You want me to cook more? GREAT! More sucky meals to eat LOL smile want me to get a full time job? I'll find some crappy job down the road so I wont be far from the kids. Want me to cut my hair and wear no makeup? I will do anything!!!! Whatever I have to do to get my family back! WAIT scratch that! I will do ANYTHING what the LORD wants me TO DO. I know what I have done, and I know right now I am on the right path to fix whatever I did that was wrong smile Ever since I have been here my views has changed completely, Sister and BIL has been great they have shared a lot of things to me that I needed. All I have been doing is reading and writing down my feelings, and thinking about all the good things I have in my life. I have only thought of OM ONCE since I have been here and that is because I had to write him a NC letter that was it! Everything else was you Wheels, that is all I have been thinking about since I have been here at sisters and I want you to know that, even though you dont believe me, knowing that I have told you makes me feel better, so lets just say it wasn't for you and that for me saying all this was all for ME!

I love you....everyone!

SapphireReturns

That is what I sent to EVERYONE! laugh what do you think? I don't mind 2X4's maybe I was still foggy, I don't know, but man oh man were my eye's open!

Last edited by SapphireReturns; 08/27/10 10:10 AM.
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Phewwww!
Thanks!

Last edited by Pepperband; 08/27/10 10:01 AM.
Pepperband #2421445 08/27/10 10:22 AM
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Great! pep knows our secret identity! Well pep you are welcome to add us to your FB friends smile While you are at, it do you need any Mary Kay stuff?

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Originally Posted By: Wheels_spinning
Great! pep knows our secret identity! Well pep you are welcome to add us to your FB friends smile While you are at, it do you need any Mary Kay stuff?


I AM Mary Kay.
Click to reveal..

Not really - I'm gonna FB message ya in 30 seconds)

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Originally Posted By: Wheels_spinning
Great! pep knows our secret identity! Well pep you are welcome to add us to your FB friends smile While you are at, it do you need any Mary Kay stuff?



rotflmao ROFL!!

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Out of curiosity I looked y'all up on FB - good lookin' couple =-) and I love the spelling of your name Sapph


Me & DH: 28
Married 8/20/05
1DD, 9 mo.
Just Lookin' and Learnin'
HIYA!
Vibrissa #2421476 08/27/10 11:08 AM
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Originally Posted By: Vibrissa
Out of curiosity I looked y'all up on FB - good lookin' couple =-) and I love the spelling of your name Sapph


I would have done the same thing laugh and ty! Wheels is a good lookin guy! wink

Last edited by SapphireReturns; 08/27/10 11:09 AM.
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No fair! People know people on FB!

I'm just lurking around today and randomly posting. I hope things are going well for you two.

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Originally Posted By: lurioosi2
No fair! People know people on FB!

I'm just lurking around today and randomly posting. I hope things are going well for you two.


I accidentally forgot to change my name on the bottom on the letter OOPS!

But we are doing great!! Just having panic attacks here and there knowing I will be apologizing to his/mine families laugh breath in...breath out...

rotflmao

Nah I think I'll be fine! laugh

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Originally Posted By: lurioosi2
No fair! People know people on FB!

I feel the same! LOL!


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
SusieQ #2421510 08/27/10 11:58 AM
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Originally Posted By: SusieQ
Originally Posted By: lurioosi2
No fair! People know people on FB!

I feel the same! LOL!


I was just telling VIB that you guys are like a family to us, with all the help you guys are giving and all the great advise...it's like a big MB family laugh

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Just a little update for Sapph. We went up to my parents house so Sapph could do some buisness up there. In between appointments I was changing the car headlights, the boys were having afternoon quiet time, and Sapph sat with my mom and gave a sincere heart filled apology.

I popped in in the middle, but I think it really helped build their relationship. My mom said that a face to face apology will be good for each of my siblings, but each of them may take it differently.

You see my sister has been cheated on multiple times, and her current DH has also been cheated on several times. I have 1 borther who has never been married or lived with a girl and he is 42, one who is a devoted father and lay clergy member, and one who never really talked to me during the exposure, and I dont know what he is thinking. Each sibling will react differently and we are trying to figure out who to tell first, and how to approach them. We are thinking my sis and her husband need to be apologised to first, since they know the affects of affairs first hand. At the same time Sapph is frightened and nervous about how they will take it.

At the same time Sapph has become really depressed and feels that a more sincere face to face apology has open up an old wound that she wishes was closed (more like never existed). I am having a tough time consoling her, all I feel I can do is say, "You will be fine, I am here for you, but this is something that I think has to be done and you have to do it."

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Originally Posted By: Wheels_spinning
You see my sister has been cheated on multiple times, and her current DH has also been cheated on several times.


This is why I think telling your sister and her husband first, this morning I woke up crying because I felt the pain what I have done to this family. And yes it hurts, but your mom said something very important when we were talking she said "You can always choose your actions, but you can never choose your consequences." That hit me hard because it is soo true. No matter what I have done I still have to live with the consequences.

I woke up crying because I wanted to call your sister and to talk, but your mom mentioned doing this face to face would be better, I don't know if I can wait till next month when we are there again. So what do you think I should DO? She lives about 3 hours away from us....

Should I call

Or

Should I just go up to do it face to face?

PLEASE HELP!!! I am having a hard time right now, I prayed this morning to help me cope with my feelings, but I believe the only way to get rid of this feeling is to call her.

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Felt is was time for an update, Wheels and I are doing great it has been 17 months since I came back home to fix my marriage.

Wheels is working hard at his work and is working on a promotion, and I decided to give myself a $50,000 dollar raise, win a Free car in Mary Kay, and win Wheels a mens diamond ring.

Wheels and I are making sure our love banks are full, and every time one of us feel it is low we let each other know. Our favorite thing to do with each other is still watch movies, and since we know that doesn't count as UA time we still read books together. I am reading 2 other books one is called "The magic of thinking BIG" and "The daily reader" by John C Maxwell.

We are also planning a little vacation next year just the two of us to go to Hawaii for my brothers wedding we are really excited about that one! laugh

I still have my boundaries, and in some occasions when wheels leave a room and it's just me and one of our male friends I feel awkward and end up excusing myself.

I am also making sure that what ever I read, or listen to will help with my positive attitude to make it better. My attitude will determine the life and marriage I really want.

Since I have been home I have been focusing more on my family, my two boys, my business, and my home. Every morning I wake up and do my devotional for about 15 minutes, where I read my books, bible, and pray. I know working on myself only helps with every aspect of my life with my children, with wheels, with my business, with my church, etc..

I do want to thank marriage builders for just existing, and helping out wheels when he really needed you, and of course to help us build a healthier happier marriage.

Thank you TO ALL!!

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