Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 6 of 6 1 2 3 4 5 6
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Your only post on here is to tell someone this forum is not worth the time?

Is that why you stopped by? Something of a contradiction, dont you think?


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2
B
Junior Member
Offline
Junior Member
B
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2
Originally Posted By: indiegirl
Your only post on here is to tell someone this forum is not worth the time?

Is that why you stopped by?


No of course not. This board is a life line for many. In 180's case in my not so popular opinion I have to ask if it would be emotionally healthy for her to post here.

btdt751 #2538766 08/27/11 07:44 PM
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Quote:
No of course not. This board is a life line for many. In 180's case in my not so popular opinion I have to ask if it would be emotionally healthy for her to post here.
She obviously feels so.

What was your former posting name? You say you have been on this site for some time.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

btdt751 #2538767 08/27/11 07:46 PM
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362
Likes: 3
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362
Likes: 3
It is no more emotionally damaging to her than it is for any other former wayward who wants to right their wrongs and reach out to others to help.

There is nothing emotionally damaging in coming clean. There is nothing emotionally damaging in facing the wrongs you have committed against others, and owning them. There is nothing emotionally damaging in wanting to help others who are going down the same path. It would be very healthy for her, in fact.


Markos' Wife
FWW - EA
8 kids ...
What to do with an Angry Husband

Prisca #2538777 08/27/11 08:23 PM
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
"Can't change what you don't acknowledge." When someone wants to become someone better, they need to look deep within themselves to find out where there were faults. They need to learn how to fix those faults, and then FIX THEM. Sticking ones head in the sand doesn't help them grow. If someone really wants to make up for the harm they committed against others, they need to live a better life. I am hoping that 180 is away because she is working on herself.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
btdt751 #2538810 08/27/11 10:11 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
Originally Posted By: btdt751
Originally Posted By: indiegirl
Your only post on here is to tell someone this forum is not worth the time?

Is that why you stopped by?


No of course not. This board is a life line for many. In 180's case in my not so popular opinion I have to ask if it would be emotionally healthy for her to post here.


It IS and has been a life line for many.

To answer your question, YES! it would be emotionally healthy (and healing) for her to continue to post here. Why? Because it would be an opportunity for her to grow even more and to pay it forward. Her experience would be invaluable to new WWs who come to MB to see what happens when they continue to lie and deceive. Thankfully, she sounds like she has truly repented (IMO) but sadly, it has cost her an enormously.

I would love to see more FWWs posting here, at least the ones who are true (or want to be true) FWWs and who are not here under false pretenses. It is amazing to see the change.

There's a new commercial on TV about New Orleans where people are "unzipped" to reveal their fun side. On MB, it's kind of a similar transformation. Newbie WWs show up probably at their worst. They are "zipped" up in their fogginess and selfishness.

If they stick around and do the work and are truly honest about recovery (personal or marital), you can almost watch the transformation. Their recovered selves are revealed and they shed that old person who was foggy and selfish.*

180 was never unzipped. In fact, her zipper was stuck. For her to come back and come clean is HUGE (if it's true) but we really can't see that if she's already running away. Her words sound nice and pretty but are they true?

So what's your story?

(*If you haven't seen the commercial, then this won't make much sense.)


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 2,121
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 2,121
Quote:
I got 2x4s when I first showed up myself, but I stayed because I know that these people KNOW what they're talking about.


I did too. As the BS!

I got the 2x4's because I was here for the anger. I was SOO angry and hateful about my H's A. It was 1998 and the forums were not nearly as good as they are now. There wasn't much advice ("let it go", "get over it") as what there is now. But I did get some support and compassion and it let me know I was not alone. Reading Dr Harley's advice and concepts saved our marriage.

180 WILL be back IF she really wants to recover HER life and to help others. If she's sincere, nothing will keep her away.


Dday- Feb 1998
Recovered!!
btdt751 #2538823 08/27/11 11:14 PM
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted By: btdt751
Originally Posted By: indiegirl
Your only post on here is to tell someone this forum is not worth the time?

Is that why you stopped by?


No of course not. This board is a life line for many. In 180's case in my not so popular opinion I have to ask if it would be emotionally healthy for her to post here.


How would the board be a "lifeline" for anyone if recovered posters did not stay here and help others? If there is not someone here to THROW the lifeline, then there will not be a lifeline thrown, would there? How would anyone get help if no one was here to help? That is crazy to say it is "unhealthy" to help others. What a very dysfunctional, selfish outlook. The healthiest people are those who get out of themselves and give of themselves to others. Some of the most fulfilling moments of my life were giving to others. You should try it!

A life devoted to self centeredness and selfishness is an empty life of very little meaning.

Quote:
Instead of seeking approval from virtual strangers on a message board concentrate on learning to love yourself again (if you ever did?).


This is a form of narcissism that most certainly is not healthy. Dr Harley, a clinical psychologist had this to say about "loving oneself"

Originally Posted By: Dr Harley
I have not found that loving oneself solves anything. Instead, it tends to make people egocentric which in turn leads to insensitivity and thoughtlessness. Humility is a great virtue, as Jesus Christ mentions on many occasions.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,959
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,959
/tj

MelodyLane, you said hello to me in a rare post I made a while ago. I just wanted to say hello and give you the cudos you deserve for all the spot on posts you continue to make. May you always find the strength to keep those Texas guns "blazing". You have helped so many people here, including me. Thanks! End tj/

shattered dreams


BH - me 53, ONS 1979
FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA
Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003
Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04

***You can do anything with time and money...but remember...money won't buy you time!***
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Thank you, SD! I am always so happy to see your posts here, because I know they will be full of wisdom. {{{{shattered dreams}}}}} I hope you are doing well, friend. smile


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Mark1952 #2538834 08/28/11 12:00 AM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,870
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,870
Originally Posted By: Mark1952
Haven't logged in here for eons but imagine my shock to find recent posts by Sparky...

Don't quit now, Sparky. You might still be learning but you might have learned the most important parts already...


Good to see you Mark, missed your wisdom.

Yes folks, I will have to agree, if we fall in a hole, or trip over a stone, we should not be embarrased that we did, but that we didn't help others avoid the same pitfall.

Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 51
V
Member
Offline
Member
V
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 51
Originally Posted By: heartfelt_1
t/j

omg...Mark! i was looking for any new threads you have been on. (...though i was not well-behaved when you were on my thread, the things you wrote always made so much sense to me.)

vanilla, i was fullmoon...don't know how to provide a link (and not all that interested in bringing that back up anyhow). frown like 180 i am not proud, either, for any negative way i have impacted you.


I read your previous thread. Your husband and my husband are alike with their lack of any emotions. I would be curious to hear an update on whether or not you were able to work things out.

Sparkle - after reading your thread and a couple other threads of WW, I can see why members assumed I was lying about even small things. It sounds like you have changed and would have a lot to offer to other wayward spouses.

violette #2538943 08/28/11 01:11 PM
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 120
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 120
Originally Posted By: violette
Originally Posted By: heartfelt_1
t/j

omg...Mark! i was looking for any new threads you have been on. (...though i was not well-behaved when you were on my thread, the things you wrote always made so much sense to me.)

vanilla, i was fullmoon...don't know how to provide a link (and not all that interested in bringing that back up anyhow). frown like 180 i am not proud, either, for any negative way i have impacted you.


I read your previous thread. Your husband and my husband are alike with their lack of any emotions. I would be curious to hear an update on whether or not you were able to work things out.


t/j

Violette,

Welcome to MB. I see that you are a fairly new member (of a few weeks). I have read only your first post (of your thread) but I will read them all. NO, DH and I have not worked it out yet. Of course, he doesn't think there is anything that we need to "work out" or "work on". I don't have the answers...but should I discover them, I will be sure to let you know. wink I cannot give out much advice (or any, really) since I am fairly new myself even given my prior posting history.

Only I do want to say.........(from your first post on your thread) I did notice that you have a male friend that is meeting a need of yours...and that is what DH's friend did for me. I know how much trouble that can be. Now I have to suffer through digging myself out of that deep hole. It does not feel good to go through that process. I did learn that I must maintain "extraordinary precautions" and not allow other men to meet my needs. I am certain that you have already been advised about that. smile I will follow your story and wish you the best.


Me: WW
DH: BS
EA: 04/18/09 til
DDay: 06/30/10
NC letter: 09/13/11 (against DH's will)
2 lovely happy children

Page 6 of 6 1 2 3 4 5 6

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 39 guests, and 156 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Olivia 80, Brad344, Bobbyboy341, Steve123, kenmw
71,696 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,537
Posts2,322,669
Members71,697
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5