Understand this: the OM is now a part of her history. You can't make him go away from her memories. You can help her distance herself from those memories by not talking to her about them.
When you ask her how many times she's thought of him in a day, you just handed her another time to think about him.

You can also help her memory of him become a bad taste in her mouth by working with her to recover from the A. That means you need to go forward with recovery, not idle yourselves in the past.

I wished I could develop a potion for my H to drink to make the memories of the OW disappear. Sadly, I couldn't come up with one. But working through recovery helped me come to terms with his memories of her, and helped him realize that there are no good memories of that time. Only bad ones.

What Mel said.

Tex, the OWH in my sitch knew about me for months before I found out. He and his WW would have heated discussions about the fact that she and my H were 'having drinks' that I didn't know about. To this day it outrages me that people I didn't even know were discussing me and my marriage, and had knowledge of a huge danger to my marital life but didn't feel I needed to know. They chose to control my life without my knowledge.

Understand what has happened to you: this man molested your marriage. He molested his own marriage. You are a victim of his molestation. His wife is a victim of his molestation. She has the right to know the reality of her marital life. Helping OM keep this nasty secret from this poor woman is aiding and abetting him in his crime.

Even worse? Without exposure, he is free to molest other marriages, and he will.

Tex,

Glad youre drinking the cool-aid of MB. Its the best way to get her back.

I lost 20 pounds in a 6 weeks and sorry to say since Ive turned some corners in recovery, I put back about half of it.

Anyway, have a good weekend. Spend quality time with the Mrs. Its coming along nicely.

Just stay focused. Eye on the prize. It may be hard to see it now but she needs to get out of the dark first.

I like to maintain radio silence over the weekends to focus on being with my wife and kids and let the emotional chips fall where they may. Then on Mondays Id come back here to report happenings and feelings and get my actions critiqued by the vets.

I felt after I read the books and material within the site here, I was ready to released to the wild.

Whatever is best for you, though.

Take care,

mss

Thanks Mike,

I asked her to dinner and shopping tonight....two things I know she loves. I also wanted to sit down and have a good soul cleansing talk about how we feel about each other....she says that will only hurt me now. I guessni will put that talk off for now.

She is still in the fog....6 weeks so far. How long did your WS fog last? She still has strong feelings for him. At what point do I give up....NEVER I say. She will de-fog at some point and I want to be here when that happens. I love her, I miss the women I married. Hopefully we can start the recovery soon. Where can I learn more about Plan A, B,C ( if there is one ) and D...... I've looked in articles, but haven't found them yet. I'm hoping someone can give me a quick overview or a link to find them.

Have a good weekend MSS.. Talk to you Monday.

Lost 30 pounds in 6 weeks since D-Day......STILL need meds to sleep.

Please stop doing this...you might as well stab yourself in the chest.

WWs typically stay fogged out longer than WHs...I say TYPICALLY because women are usually more emotionally withdrawn from their spouse when they enter into an A and women are usually more emotionally caught up in an OM than a WH is caught up with a OW. There are a lot more men that chuck an OP under the bus than women. You don't want Plan C...that's Plan Confusion where you have no plan at all.

I'll look for links to Plan A and B but hopefully quick draw ML or others with copy and paste before I can blink.

Plan A

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...t&Number=2296184&nt=8&page=1

Plan A & B

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html

You should be in Plan A now.

Ill defer to other vets about how long their fogs lasted. As I have said a zillion times, Im a lucky one in that upon dday, FWW's fog was lifted. She was living in a self imposed prison with no padlocks and she could have left at any point.

I wont bore you with details and you certainly can read my thread.

What helped me was my wife freaking hates OM, hates. He did secretly video them together and cheated on my wife with a another girl who he video'd too. Think about that: my wife was used to 2x OMW and my wife was being 2x. How belittling is that? Her humiliation is on a grand scale. I argue'd there was little to no "love" at any point.

Yes, it makes my wife look cheap and sorry to say prostitute-like for staying with him to keep a meaningless job and avoid real life. And, she used the words above first upon our post dday discussions. Theres no pride here.

I said it earlier, I felt sorry for her.

We found ground to build on with these issues and more.

I told her day 1 though, if she loves him and after all the years they were together, lets save legal fees and agree to split. Im not going to stay with her if her happiness was being someone;s side babe or one of his side babes.

Anyway, Im not the best to ask about fogginess.

I got lucky.

mss

Tex, I've seen no response from you regarding informing OM's wife of this affair. When are you going to do this? Do you not understand the importance of letting her know?

I do know this, Tex, you cant worry about fog until the above is accomplished.

Six friggin' weeks since you found out and OMW has not been informed? I thought this was done already.

Get with it, man.

This is numero uno TO DO upon dday. Think about the signal this is sending your wife and OM for these six weeks.

MB 101 stuff here.

Go back and read the last 11 pages here.

Dont do anymore posting until you let OMW know. Seriously, you need accomplish A before you get to B. B is all the how to's and emotional stuff you keep asking about. You'll get all the help for that too, but not before you do you know what.

mike

Plan A and B are MB plans.

Plan C is "your" plan, but it is referred to here as a joke since it never works.

Plan D is divorce.

This affair may of never ended.

It did at the leaast restart because exposure was never done after the first time ten years ago.

This affair will continue because you will not expose now.

This afair will continue because you think that 300 miles is far enough to keep WW and the OM apart. News Flash, 300 miles has not stopped them from doing it.

You need to not tell WW that you are checking up on her. She now knows to get a pay as you go phone. No bills.

You need to hide a GPS, with real time, on her car.

You need to install a key logger.

You need to not tell WW that you have done these things.

You need to have WW go NC with all the people that helped here carry on her affair. They are not friends of the marriage. And are your enemies.

Tex,

Where are you, friend?

Update us. We are pulling for you.

We got next steps ready after you get thru the first step.

Dont give up, this is only the first inning in what is a long game.

mss

She will de-fog at some point and I want to be here when that happens.

Dream on, T2S!

Toilets do not scrub themselves. Automobile engines do not change their own oil. WWs do not "de-fog" on their own.

The common thread to those examples is that at some point someone must decide to do the dirty work that must be done to achieve the desired result. The market being supreme, "Merry Maids" and "Jiffy Change" were founded to handle those tasks for the squeemish. We await the critical mass of BSs to support the establishment of "Expose-R-Us", but until that happens, it's a task that each BS must perform on his own.

"Expose-R-Us"?

I bet there is money in that, NG.

"Hello, Mrs. Phil Andering Husband, this is Expose R Us's dept of Spousal Enlightenent. We are saddened to inform you that Phil has not been at lot of late night meetings and that trip to the Capitol for a meeting was a lie. He has been meeting up with Mrs. B. Trayed Spouse on many occasions and in the midst of an affair. Sorry for the bad news."

Can we make money with this. Franchise opportunities.

Talk about turning a pile of poo into gold!!

mike

I know I'm not the paragon of following MB principles, but please heed this advice from a man (me) who hemmed and hawed, and waited to expose, not wanting to believe the vets on this forum.

Expose.

Expose.

The A will not end, and there is no hope to restore the marriage, until this is done.

I exposed in March....the A was killed....we're in recovery.

Please listen to these guys, and do it.

God Bless.

Never destroy evidence or give it to WW. You may need it in court.

I lost 20+ pounds. One night I ate a grape for dinner.

Hit the gym. Hit a heavy bag. Look your best with your new bod.

Expose to OMW now! And his parents while you're at it. I often regret not exposing in more of a nuclear fashion, and look at me... Divorced.

I lost weight as well. Food lost its flavor and I had to remind myself to eat.

I forced myself to do so.

What you're going through is normal, but you will have to expose this to OM's W for you to truly recover in any way.

Not only that, but doing so will expose the fact that they are still in contact, since he'll have to let your WW know.

Also, be prepared to have the OM's W not believe you and give her some evidence.