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Is the OMW's FB public?
Does she have her phone number listed in the info tab? No phone number. Just email address.
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FORGOT TO TELL YOU --- DO NOT LET HER KNOW ABOUT EXPOSURE.
DO NOT LET ON TO ANYTHING IN THE WORKPLACE. TRY AND DUMP AS MUCH LOVE INTO HER LOVE BANK IN THE NEXT 48 HOURS.
Does she have a favorite store or restaurant? Does she have a great friend who is supporting you. Maybe you can get a gift card and your her friend and tell WW you want her to go and enjoy some time away to relax.
Actually you may even try to book her a facial or massage, or something you know will dump massive love into her system.
Be creative and try and let her do it right before your nuclear work exposure.
Tough~
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After exposure she'll probably say this too...
"Now I have to call OM to apologize."
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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.....and let's not forget the meeting to get "closure",  where, typically, the only closure is done by her legs around his waist!
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or... "I can't trust you now after you pull this"
FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
DS 14, OC-D 12 (given up for adoption), DS-8, DD-5
D-Day#1 10-12-1998
D-Day#2 2-10-2008
Recovered!
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Hang in there socal. These people are right on how to handle this. Take the advice as a solid framework and use it to the tee. They will help you get what you need done. I was in your very shoes as far as crying and emotional mess. I dont cry either and I have been through a whirl wind. Be very stong in what you do.
Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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So I heard back from OMW.
She did not stay with her husband at the hotel on Thursday. (I did not stay with wife on Thursday). WW made it a point to say that OMW was with OM on Thursday night.
I'm crushed.
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So I heard back from OMW.
She did not stay with her husband at the hotel on Thursday. (I did not stay with wife on Thursday). WW made it a point to say that OMW was with OM on Thursday night.
I'm crushed. I'm so sorry to hear that, Not. But look at it like this: you now have concrete proof that your WW is lying to you. What else did OMW say?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Yeah, what else did she say?
Did she share your suspicions? or was she blindsided?
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It was a short email. She said that she stayed with OM at hotel Friday and Saturday and then asked that I call her this afternoon. We will compare notes later today.
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I am getting the feeling that OMW may already have suspected that something's up. That is a great sign that she wants to talk.
She may be your biggest ally right now.
Deep breaths.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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Hang in there SoCal. Please come here and vent and release your troubles. Let us know how the talk goes asap
Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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THIS IS VITALLY IMPORTANT TO THE ULTIMATE SUCCESS OF YOUR EVENTUAL EXPOSURE!
YOU AND OMW CANNOT LET YOUR SPOUSES KNOW YOU'VE BEEN IN CONTACT AND ARE COOPERATING!
The two AP's will immediately start covering their (individual and collective) tracks, and coordinating their stories. They'll also start spreading rumors among their friends/relatives/coworkers about their overly suspicious spouses believing they are conducting an affair!
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Another update. I just spoke with OMW. Her email said that she was with him Friday and Saturday. She said that she meant Thursday and Friday. That means that OMW was with OM on night in question.
She said that everything is great between them. She did not seem concerned in the least.
So I am back to square one now.
What do I do now?
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Another update. I just spoke with OMW. Her email said that she was with him Friday and Saturday. She said that she meant Thursday and Friday. That means that OMW was with OM on night in question.
She said that everything is great between them. She did not seem concerned in the least.
So I am back to square one now.
What do I do now? It sounds like she's been talking to her H. He's managed to convince her that you're a whack job. You'll need to keep snooping on your end. I would suggest you email her back and apologize for your 'suspicious nature'. If her H did manage to get to her first, she'll report this back to him and he'll hopefully keep his guard down with your WW so you can get the intel you need. Snoop like the dickens on your end to confirm the affair. You can always go back to OMW when you have solid evidence.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I don't think you'll have your answer until you put a VAR in her car and/or hire a PI to catch them in the act.
I recommend you email OMW back, tell her that you've seen some weird behavior by your WW in regards to her H and that she may wish to keep an eye on things and leave it at that.
Add in the message that you sincerely hope you're wrong. This takes away the idea that you're just a jealous control freak.
But put the VAR in the car! They are cheap and are likely to get you the answer you need.
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Good advice.
When I talked to her I did ask her to just keep her eyes open for any weird behavior. I told her that I will let her know if I uncover anything on my side and asked her to do the same.
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You planted a seed in her head and the odds are high she'll talk to her H about it. He may very well be scared off by your concern and dump your WW.
THIS is the time to have a VAR ready. You likely will cause some turmoil and it will show itself if they talk on the phone.
Her behavior is very suspicious.
Get the VAR in the car!
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Another update. I just spoke with OMW. Her email said that she was with him Friday and Saturday. She said that she meant Thursday and Friday. That means that OMW was with OM on night in question.
She said that everything is great between them. She did not seem concerned in the least.  She's been gaslighted. Gaslighting
For other uses, see Gaslight (disambiguation).
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which false information is presented to the victim with the intent of making them doubt their own memory and perception. It may simply be the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, or it could be the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim. Gaslighting had a colloquial origin explained below, but the term has also been used in clinical and research literature.[1][2] People (women in particular) who have a diminished ability (for whatever reason) to trust their own judgment are less able to resist gaslighting. Denial and disregard of evidence is common. What makes me think this? "Everything is great between them."Been there, said that. I was wrong.
Last edited by Pepperband; 08/25/11 12:19 PM.
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People (women in particular) who have a diminished ability (for whatever reason) to trust their own judgment are less able to resist gaslighting.
Denial and disregard of evidence is common.
What makes me think this?
"Everything is great between them."
Been there, said that. I was wrong. Hopefully I planted a seed of doubt in OMW mind. Where do I go from here? Just keep snooping and pretend everything is ok?
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