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mehr Offline OP
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Okay. I think the lawys must be different here and especially in my state. Here they do not take away visitation unless... well they just plain don't, even if the dad is a criminal.

Now about her background, I have done extensive searches online and couldn't find anything. I know you suggested going to the court houses way down in her county, but I am low on time and energy since I have so much to do (and I just started a new part time job today as well) and I can't afford a PI.... are there any reliable cheap places to get a background check online? Are those all scams or what?

Must go to bed, have to work again tomorrow...


Married 1/2000.
D-Day 3/7/11. WH moved in with OW and they married in 2013.
Single mom of 4.

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mehr Offline OP
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Still wondering if there is a cheap way to get her background info. smile

Someone called me yesterday to say they are praying for my family. I was touched... God is faithful, and I am not forgotten.

Things look grim, but I am trying not to think about it. God knows what is going on and will work out all things for the good of the kids and I. It is a MAJOR battle inside my head to not let this take up too much brain space. I just keep pushing the thoughts out. I think I am one of my own worst enemies. I have the hardest time just letting go without moving on.


Married 1/2000.
D-Day 3/7/11. WH moved in with OW and they married in 2013.
Single mom of 4.

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Mehr,

It's understandable, your situation is very tough....You are in God's hands and if your marriage is meant to be then it will be, you have to faith in all that is good.
This is up to your husband at this point.....
Stay dark, stay busy with your life and kids and just be still for now.........
Let God do his job..........
jessi


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
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Mehr - I told my WH's OW that I will put a restraining order on her and subpoena her into court if she is around my kids. I told her I would put an FBI PI on her and find out about her drinking and driving.

My WH sent a message to the IM after I did this and was super pizzed. I spoke to my lawyer and she said I have every right to question her if she does drink profusely. I have every right to try and protect my kids from someone that is intentionally causing them harm.

I plan to put an RO on her if my eight year old comes home with any type of emotional stress from her. I will use that as a way to keep her from my kids. Intentional infliction of emotional distress.

I will find a way to RO the skanywho** - man I just hate her today!!!!

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mehr Offline OP
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Originally Posted by jessitaylor
Mehr,

It's understandable, your situation is very tough....You are in God's hands and if your marriage is meant to be then it will be, you have to faith in all that is good.
This is up to your husband at this point.....
Stay dark, stay busy with your life and kids and just be still for now.........
Let God do his job..........
jessi

I will do.... I think this is what God wants me to do. I need to stop fretting and just be still. I have things to be thankful for. I just need to push all this out of my brain and grow strong again.


Married 1/2000.
D-Day 3/7/11. WH moved in with OW and they married in 2013.
Single mom of 4.

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mehr Offline OP
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Originally Posted by itistoughlove
Mehr - I told my WH's OW that I will put a restraining order on her and subpoena her into court if she is around my kids. I told her I would put an FBI PI on her and find out about her drinking and driving.

My WH sent a message to the IM after I did this and was super pizzed. I spoke to my lawyer and she said I have every right to question her if she does drink profusely. I have every right to try and protect my kids from someone that is intentionally causing them harm.

I plan to put an RO on her if my eight year old comes home with any type of emotional stress from her. I will use that as a way to keep her from my kids. Intentional infliction of emotional distress.

I will find a way to RO the skanywho** - man I just hate her today!!!!

Fight in any ways you have available. I certainly would do this if I could. I think what bothers me the most is that people here at MB do not seem to believe me that there is no way to keep her away from my kids. frown

I will fight in ways I have available, and I will learn to be still when I cannot.


Married 1/2000.
D-Day 3/7/11. WH moved in with OW and they married in 2013.
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Intelius is probably your best cheap resource. You can also just call a PI or two and see what they would charge to pull a background.

As to how you stop obsessing with the cake-eating, I have a few suggestions.

10. Wash your hair.
9. Give yourself a pedi.
8. Visit a nursing home.
7. Send an e-card to someone you haven't talked to for a while.
6. Draw a picture, even if you can't draw.
5. Sing a song, preferably something that will get stuck in your head.

4. Count your blessings. For now, limit yourself to blessings that have nothing to do with WH.
3. Take a bubble bath.
2. Either dress up for no reason, or dress down in cute pajamas, and then fix yourself something nice to eat.
1. Read your Bible.

I'm sure everyone else can come up with even more. The only limit is the edge of your imagination.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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mehr Offline OP
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I am doing really well!!! School is just the distraction I need.

There is stupid stuff going on over here though, I need to call my lawyer.


Married 1/2000.
D-Day 3/7/11. WH moved in with OW and they married in 2013.
Single mom of 4.

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mehr Offline OP
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No, Plan B wasn't broken. The stupid stuff involves that there is now 2 single women and 7 children living with my husband. 7 children not including HIS...

In a 3 bedroom rental.

And DH missed my son's doctors appt today, the one thing he was supposed to do since d-day other than play disney dad.


Married 1/2000.
D-Day 3/7/11. WH moved in with OW and they married in 2013.
Single mom of 4.

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Some state laws require children of a certain age must have their own bedrooms. Please ask your lawyer to check this for you. Virginia requires that after the age of five.

To give you some good news Mehr - The POSOW dumped my WH yesterday. He is a mess. Staying dark to determine next action.

Tough

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mehr Offline OP
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Awww, that's good. Where is your thread? She didn't sound all that committed to him to start.

I am not sure I really want him back anymore. He is so trashy now, he's joined her forest.


Married 1/2000.
D-Day 3/7/11. WH moved in with OW and they married in 2013.
Single mom of 4.

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Hi mehr, I would not focus on wanting him back or not....as things are now he sure has no intention of R the M.
Focus on you and loving you.
Blessing


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Yes, I really am doing well! I hardly think about him.... it barely even enters in my head now. But when it does, like right now, I just think, what a trashy being. But yeah, who knows. I like my job, I like college,.... good times.


Married 1/2000.
D-Day 3/7/11. WH moved in with OW and they married in 2013.
Single mom of 4.

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Mehr, you are so young and you like to study and that is a life saver. Focus on getting an education. That will never betray you and will give you financial independence and self confidence, plus it will show others how smart and focused you are!!!
Your WH is a loser and there is nothing to miss so far. His choice of ow makes it clear what his values turned out to be. Till he shows you otherwise he deserves nothing frm you.
You are so much better than he can ever be,
Blessing


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Originally Posted by mehr
Yes, I really am doing well! I hardly think about him.... it barely even enters in my head now. But when it does, like right now, I just think, what a trashy being. But yeah, who knows. I like my job, I like college,.... good times.

YOU are another MB success story !

hurray

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mehr Offline OP
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SO.... it is official now.... I am filing for sole LEGAL and physical custody.... I already have physical, but I want to make all the decisions about their education and stuff, if I can win it... which is difficult to do here. But he doesn't care about their welfare at all.


Married 1/2000.
D-Day 3/7/11. WH moved in with OW and they married in 2013.
Single mom of 4.

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Can I ask you what you mean about your WH missing a doctor's appt? Was he supposed to take him and he didn't?

You are sounding much better, and I believe that to be because you are doing your best to stay dark. Keep it up. darker you are, the better you will feel. Also, the distractions will help with your thought processes. Great work.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

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hurray Hear, hear!

The BIGGEST reason not to even worry one way or the other at this point, as to whether you want him back or not is:


From where you are now, you have no idea who he will be. There's no magic wand that will tell any of us what he's going to be after the A is over.

Wait and see. Till then, go to school, bake cookies for the kiddoes, and live a GREAT life!!! Oh wait, you already are... grin


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Originally Posted by Scotland
Can I ask you what you mean about your WH missing a doctor's appt? Was he supposed to take him and he didn't?

You are sounding much better, and I believe that to be because you are doing your best to stay dark. Keep it up. darker you are, the better you will feel. Also, the distractions will help with your thought processes. Great work.

Yes I scheduled a school physical for my older (required) back in early July and I had to sweet talk just to get it this soon, its the ONLY parenting thing I have asked of him since he abandoned his family, and I didn't even really need his help except that it fell on his day to pick up the kids from school.... so what does he do? He shows up so late to the appt they wouldn't even see him. What an idiot. Oh and of course he brought his mistress to this too. Who cares if you are late if you brought the home wrecker. TBH, I still say if this divorce goes through I don't care about waiting for him anymore. If he then comes to realization and I am single, fine, but if he is too late.... too bad.


Married 1/2000.
D-Day 3/7/11. WH moved in with OW and they married in 2013.
Single mom of 4.

Joined: Mar 2011
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I want to add that I do feel much better. The most triggering thing that has happened recently was yesterday morning when he shows up in my driveway to drop off my son's booster from his fild trip at school (which he forgot and we had to wait to go on the zoo trip until he got there, again, he is an idiot) I didn't see him but my parents tell me that SHE was there. I know, they shouldn't have told me, but they don't get it. Anyway he was in my driveway with the affair partner... like he is entitled.... it took me over an hour to feel better.


Married 1/2000.
D-Day 3/7/11. WH moved in with OW and they married in 2013.
Single mom of 4.

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