By the way caracal, you must be one helll of a dancer.

The rain yesterday was practically a monsoon!

It rained here, thunder and ALL, at 4am. I decided since I wasn't sleeping, I would read. Then, the rain stopped, and I kept reading. Wasn't good, cuz I had to get up to go to work, and now I am going to take the kiddos to see 4 movies at the drivein. Maybe I'll take a nap during the kid's movie.

That thread really helped me too.

And I didn't even have my dancing shoes on...

I had a weekend of 20'C sunshine, spring has arrived.

the rain and wind are shakin my house - but i am content

I am having my own sort of spring...

I just bet Caracal your WH and OW are locked in some tiny london flat bickering for all they're worth!!!

Serves the aliens right imo...

Love that thought Indie (in a guilty way as it is not very Plan B). Having a rough week, so the thought of WH (in his wellies, lol) and OW having some arguments gives me comfort.

Glad to hear you are content, how is "spring"?

Been thinking about the legal definitions of marriage etc today....

I have been walking my sis through POJA and UA time recently

She isnt legally married but they have two young kids and one on the way.

In lots of ways they have more of a buyers relationship, than me and softlad ever did...

however I have started to nag her gently to think in more of an MB way.... She is tryng to POJA tonight

Might even get her to post, but not sure if i should since she isnt married ...

Then theres my impending divorce......

It may be that I have to divorce softlad to protect myself financially.

It may be that I have to do this before I am really ready to let him go.

I had this plan in mind where the divorce would herald my willingness to date again.

Now I am just going to have to 'decide' one day when I am spiritually divorced

And I dont like that. I like things to be clearer cut and for everyone to know where they stand.

Plus I am afraid it will legitimise the evil relationship with blackwidow if we are divorced.

I do NOT want that.

Indie:

{{{{{{{{{{Indie}}}}}}}}}}}}

Such hard, hard, hard decisions to deal with. I know you have a warrior's heart, but that fighting the good fight can be tiring and spiritually draining.

I sense your Art of War attitude coming through when you talk about protecting yourself financially, about achieving a "spiritual" divorce and having things "clearer cut."

And should softlad and blackwidow remain together, a divorce will NEVER, EVER -- EVER!!!! -- legitimize it. And perhaps they deserve each other, cheating cretins that they are!

Indie:

I just nabbed this quote from gloveoil in another post, and I LOVE how it frames how we should think of the OW/OM (I have changed genders and nicknames):

GLOVEOIL: Think of (BLACKWIDOW) as she really is. So you think BLACKWIDOW was some basically decent, gentle, passionate woman who just wanted & deserved to be understood & appreciated, huh? Yeah, I know... I've been there. But actually, BLACKWIDOW IS willing to sabotage the marriage of a woman, a friend's in fact, who'd never done her any wrong. Think about THAT. How is THAT reflective of decency, gentleness, or being deserving of understanding? Rather, it was figuratively akin to ambushing you from behind, beating you up, breaking your ribs & knocking out your teeth, then stealing your wallet while you lie there moaning & bleeding on the dirty pavement. BLACKWIDOW is a marriage-mugger, with the character of a thug. Until (if or when) she realizes the full wrongness of what she's done, she is & will be a thug, character-wise. How can you justify wasting one moment of your precious time on this earth thinking of that thug?"

Sweetpea - you are scary. That quote of Glove oils was running around my head all day today because it reminded me so much of blackwidow....

Ok, I know it is really tempting to put all the blame on the OP and not on the WS, so I have tried to resist doing this, but really she is a thug and marriage mugger!

I have SEEN her face get all thuggerish when she doenstget her way

It's her MO, really, she's never had a guy who volunteered for the job... They've all been hit over the head in dark alleys and dragged into her lair.

Her late husband was the sweetest guy imaginable. But kind of a pushover with the girls. He fell in love with every girlfriend and wanted to marry each one.

Except her. Honestly she had to bully him into moving in with her and she practically told him when to propose.

I never understood why he went along with it and I understand even less why softlad is doing it.

He was aghast at the way she railroaded his mate and controlled him. He thought it was awful and he thought she was a monster - he hated her.

Wow I would just love to jump in a time machine, go back and talk to my REAL husband and tell him just how stupid he gets in a few short years....

That quote of Glove oils was running around my head all day today because it reminded me so much of blackwidow....

Great minds think alike, I love to say!

thuggerish face: Exactly. It takes two, and she certainly sounds like a piece of work. UGH! My fantasies of late are that I encounter the AP. She's a piece of whorishly dressed and garishly made-up trailer trash, and I would LOVE to tell her that when my FWH decided to wallow in the garbage he picked the perfect slut to do it with. But I'm sure I'd be all mumblemouthed if I ever did see her.

"He was aghast at the way she railroaded his mate and controlled him. He thought it was awful and he thought she was a monster - he hated her."

Maybe, just maybe he'll see the light ... or rather the black, as in her black heart. Is it OK to discuss this kind of a possibility with you in Plan B, from a MB perspective? I know you're not supposed to talk about him in the real world. ... Just don't want to cause you any extra pain.

(sorry about not using the quote thing, but i got message saying i can't quote more than 4 messages deep. Have zero clue what that means.

I think so. I do talk about him, I just dont let people tell me any 'news' of him.

Putting aside the morality of their relationship - they are horribly incompatible. Theres no way they could make it work. They are both way too hot headed and angry. They would clash on a daily basis if they had anything like a 'real' relationship.

In some ways I worry my exposure was too good, because to escape small town shame they may keep the affair on the quiet. This keeps it in happy-fun-land for longer in some ways. I would prefer they would try living together as that would last about a WEEK.

Im not worried about them ending up together at all. The idea is laughable.

It's more a case of how long they can keep the fantasy going - and whether he will be too selfish to do recovery even if it does fall to bits...

Well, it's an English spring which means essentially that there are some moody days, but so many promising green shoots and new life just waiting to begin....

How by the way DID he late husband die? Thinking about,"Three bottles of Relish" by E. A. Poe now..

Kinda Kathy Bates in "Misery" now isn't it?

I was stalked by one of the types you are describing, because she could not handle the rejection, when I would not be with her. She wanted to be in control, and liked dangerous dramatic control relationships. Well "liked" might have not been the word, commpelled might have been.

Came to my house wherever I was and threw stones at the windows trying to get me kicked out if I would not reply...tried to hang herself...seduced a friend of mine because she was mad at me, and even went to my W house to find me, and call me out in front of W....(Edit to add: W knew of OW but was shocked to see her there, and handled it quite well, seeing how W was over a foot taller and had 50 lbs on her, and was not afraid to swat her)

Panicing control freak.. thats what she is,,likely as soon as she is certain she has him completly, she will start to get sick of him, and unless WH likes to lick boots, trouble will start..God she sounds like a joke, a pathetic and scary one though

Seriuosly though, what happened to her late Husband?

It prolly

means

This is..

Well trouble will be beginning in crappyland if it hasn't already begun.

Just remember Indie this cardinal rule of affairs...When you truly go dark and they are no longer fighting against you, or against the world, and all the hullaballoo dies down, they will begin to see reality.

Once reality sets in and you are no longer around to fire a bullet here or there into the affair, they will have NO NEED to do the hysterical bonding (which has kept them together probably from her husbands' death I am thinking)to fight YOU. Nothing for them to prove then. Nobody to be "us against the world" about if you know what I mean.

Then the affair dies. When SL has to divide assets and you aren't around to have an arguement with, GUESS WHO HE WILL VENT ABOUT the divorce and his lack of money to? The skankho.

When she burns his favorite dinner that you used to make him and you're no longer around to cook it just perfectly, GUESS WHO HE WILL VENT AT? The skankho.

When one quiet day, his real emotions begin to rise to the surface and he faces the ONE THING ALL WAYWARDS DO NOT THINK THEY WILL FEEL...and I am talking about grief from losing you (the affair partners never want one word uttered about the xw or xh), HE WILL LOSE IT WITH HER AND BEGIN TO BLAME HER for the divorce.

The blame game and the arguements will begin and the affair will implode THE FURTHER AWAY YOU DISTANCE YOURSELF from the affair.

This truly works. You leave the sinners to their own devices and it simply implodes.

Happened to Darth. You do not create the bullets they can use to fire back at you. When you are truly not there in any sense of the word for a little bit longer, it will begin to crumble. The hysterical bonding ends. The "us versus them" bonding dies. The affair finally will hit the REALITY phase and if they didn't feel the light of day upon them, they will soon. And they will see how ugly they have become as people.

Hang in there. You will decide what you want to do when you alone find that answer. SL may never wake up. Or he might. But we know one thing they don't. And that it is that the skankho black widows' days with your wh is DOOMED!!!

The deepest you can quote...lets see...

It prolly
means
This is..
The deepest you can quote...lets see...


Ok did it work?


....Nope got this "
UBB Message
For readability, you can only quote messages 4 levels deep. Please edit your message and try again."

Thats good to know

It was an industrial accident that happened when she was miles away. Much as I would love to pin it on her...