After long discussions with WW, she admitted this had been a EA for 14 months, b4 they met and it became a PA. She gave me full details ( I hope this time ) even admitting that the OMW found them last Nov. And tried to call me. OMW only got to WW, and didn't go any further. My WW had blocked her from finding me on FB. I found that block and removed it. I am now tring to make contact with her. Thanks for pushing me to telling OMW. She had threatened to leave in Nov. if any other communication was made. She is in for a huge shock. Not only did they communicate, they had sex on at least two occasions.
WW does not want to leave our marriage and wants to work on us. She said she knew it was wrong but could not or did not want to stop. I pray it has stopped now.

This will be the hardest day so far.

Stay tuned.

This. This is why it is so critical to expose the A to the other spouse. Do you see where exposure could have ended this so much sooner?

Make sure you completely answer any questions she has about the A - I'm sure her WH will trickle-truth her if he thinks he can get away with it.

Remind me - has your WW written an NC letter?

She hasn't because I didn't think I could get it to him. Should she anyway? She has said she wouldn't, I know how much that is worth.

I see now, had she called me in Nov. We could have ended this a an EA.

I will tell her everything I know, I have details for the past 9 months.

Tex, glad to see you are here updating us but you need to get aggressive here. There has to be a million ways to get a message to OM nowadays. Its not up to your wife if a NC letter goes out, its when and after OMW is in the know, its when.

The next thing we want to hear is "made contact with OMW and nows she knows all I do".

At this point, today is the best day to do it.

Tex, glad to see you are here updating us but you need to get aggressive here. There has to be a million ways to get a message to OM nowadays. Its not up to your wife if a NC letter goes out, its when and after OMW is in the know, its when.

The next thing we want to hear is "made contact with OMW and nows she knows all I do".

At this point, today is the best day to do it.

Ill say that again.

Sorry, double post.

Why is she refusing to write the letter?

A No Contact letter serves a significant purposes:
It is an act of reassurance and commitment for YOU.
It is an act of finality for the affair partners - the ending is in writing.
It is an act of accountability for your WW as a way of beginning to rebuild her personal integrity.

The letter should be in her handwriting. You need to read it, approve the wording, and mail it. (Certified, to confirm that he got it.)

This is a very small act of compensation that your WW should gladly supply you if she is serious about saving her M. Why is she balking at writing this?

She isn't balking at writing letter. Are there formats or sample letters I could see? I want her to write one. I am out of town for the next two days, but she confessed last night, while I was out of town. If I could get a letter to view, it would be great.

Still working on us..... Finding out it was 2 years wasn't as hard as D-Day....it is liberating to know that everything is coming out.

I doubt that you've heard everything. Waywards are good are trickle truth. Brace yourself for more.

Here's a sample no contact letter:

Hound Dog Other Man:
I want you to know that out of respect and love for TexasTwoStep and my family, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk with you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that Tex did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay Tex for the pain I have caused him, I will do my best to become the wife he has been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything ever again to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me or my family. Tex is going to know everything. I will tell him if you contact me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.
Sincerely,
Tex's Hopefully Repentent Wayward Wife

Edit in your names. Her handwriting. You mail it certified mail. She can go with you to the post office.

You will be riding high in the saddle in her eyes, Tex. Bravo to you for your commitment to your marriage!

But I don't like this business of you being out of town overnight, and not with her.

Tex,

Hard to argue the benefits TO YOU of exposure and the NC letter.

I get chills just thinking how much this makes you look good to everyone involved. And tough. And more than anything that youre not f-&^*%* around with this.

Dilly-dallying with these 2 components and not getting them done immediately says the opposite.

Now, again, get with it man.

mike

You need concrete proof of the A being done. Prayer, with due respect, wont do it. You must persue it to put your fears to bed. She admitted it, good. She is trickle-truthing with the details, bad.

SHE needs to be making things right with you.

Crushing you mentally cannot happen again or perhaps continue to happen. Even before I got SAA and learned a bit of MB technique, I tooks steps to make sure I wouldnt be destroyed again. She sat there as I laid out rules she is to follow or else she's out. I know my wife had no interest in OM which is a lucky thing for me. But, do you really know? I took steps to make sure.

You need this comfort.

Good job, TTS. Do you see now why it is so important to contact the OP's spouse and stay in touch? And I am sorry that you confirmed it was physical. It was obvious to us, but you needed to know the truth.

Please get in touch with the OMW ASAP before her H finds out you are trying and tries to block you.

She will downplay the amount of times they got together. Make sure you contact OMW. Find her and communicate with her.

Tex,

What's new buddy?

mike

Weekend trip with family, things went well.

No contact letter is written, but not sent. I called OM's phone, he has changed numbers inside his company. I plan on getting his new number. I watch cell phone records for any calls to that area code.

Its been 2 months since D-Day, and almost 3 months since they have seen each other.....her fog seems to be lifting and she is much more talkative with me.

I still have moments where I think of them together and get angry or sick felling. I don't know how long this will last, but I hope not much longer. We have not had sex since D-Day, and don't know when I will be ready.

Hi TTS! How about the OMW? Have you made contact with her yet?

And why are you trying to contact the OM?

I can't find OW, but would like to torment the OM while I find her. She is off FB. As stated in earlier post, they are very hard to find. Both cell #'s have changed.

What happens if I can't find her to tell her? What if he told her...?

I know where he works....but not the OW. My next trip to the area, I may pay him a visit.

My WW and I are working on reconciliation, and are seeing a counselor.

I would certainly not call the OM if contact has ended. Rather, I would make an effort to find her. Have you tried directory assistance? What about the OM's home phone #? Have you called his house to speak to his wife?

They have no home phone. I will try to find out from his office. Maybe someone there will share. I only want him to know I am still out here watching him...... Imwould like him to look over his shoulder for a long time.

How long should I continue to look? Isn't that just keeping me tied to them? I would love to just cut ties and move forward?

Did you unblock the OMW from your facebook? Can you contact her on facebook? Does the OM have you blocked on her facebook? Can you log out and go on and see if you can find her?