Scotland, thank you for that link... it was just what I needed to learn about and to hear that I am not the only one who has considered the consequences of Plan B for the BS $LB.

I have a lot to digest with that thread... need to take some time and sort through what it means to me.

Lucky I read Scotland's link to Love Bank Units during Plan B before listening to this again Mel. Because I got it wrong, not three years, but SIX! SIX years!!! The more I read and learn, the foggier (to put it politely) those WS's are.

Love like this is a gift that I would never want to risk losing.

As Friday afternoon rolls in, I put my dancing shoes on to start the weekend rain dance.

All rain directed to London, so WH can slosh around in affairland, as somewhere under the alien my real husband longs for sunshine, bbq's and being outdoors.

I know, I know, not very Plan B thoughts... but no 2x4's allowed, it has felt like a looong week and I am in need of a break for the weekend. I have been very very tempted to break Plan B this week and go to Plan FU, but have stayed strong regardless. And will continue to do so. So if the thought of WH wet and miserable helps, so be it.

And I haven't even started on plans for the longest and coldest British winter on record yet

My IC asked me a question today that totally threw me.

"What if WH walked in that door right now, totally remorseful... what would you say to him, what would your reaction be?"

And I was speechless.

I realise I have blocked all thoughts of recovery, it just seems so unlikely.

But in doing that I have not really thought about what I would want... my EP's. I did list to IC honesty and openness, possibly polygraph, changing phone and email, etc. My list has grown since writing Plan B letter, which originally only included permanently ending affair, returning to Australia and committing to rebuilding our marriage. So there is some progress... when I wrote the letter I just thought recovery was so unlikely my conditions were pointless in some way. I still do really, recovery in my case seems against all odds... but what if?

But what would my actual REACTION be.

IC thinks I am sitting on a lot of unexpressed anger... likely right. I certainly SHOULD feel a lot of anger, and occasionally it does surface, but only fleetingly. I WISH it would stay longer, it makes coping so much easier.

Maybe as my mother would say, I would "knock his block off!" I know if I don't choose to do it, I could start selling tickets as the queue is growing...

Sorry I don't really have a point to this post, just sharing.

You're allowed to "just share" on your thread, it helps others who are lurking.

I don't know about sitting on a bunch of anger, in Plan B I seem to not be as angry at my WH as others have been when not in plan B. When you focus on your own life and creating a new one that doesn't include your WH you let go of the anger more quickly. Recently, the only times I am angry at WH is when I find out things, especially when they have to do with the kids.

There are times that you will get angry with your WH, but just like the sad times, it will be less often and not last as long.

I hope you don't think that because you would actually reconcile with your WH that that means you aren't angry enough. There are many of us here who would still recover with our WSs and some of them have done some pretty bad things while high on their APs.

Have a good weekend, and do something for YOU. What will it be? Nails? Massage? Join a book club? Watch a funny movie? What can you think of?

Personally, I'm for knocking his block off
I know that's not very "Christian "but it's real

I get what you were saying about how they eventually believe thier own lies. Words are important.

"Life and death are in the tounge"

As it says in the good book

Hang in there

Oh you want at least one nice day for them. OW is saying 'He's such a grouch but I'm sure it's just the weather, it's not ME' Then there's a sunny day and guess what POSOW? It is you!!!

Besides which I'm not working this weekend!

Caracal,

Just thinking about you and hoping you are having a fun weekend.

AM

Praying for you and the long distance A plan.

You are awesome!

I know what my flaws in Plan B and recovery are... I am NOT focussing on creating a new life for myself. This is likely why for me the sad times are not less often.

I need to want personal recovery, and although I long for the pain and hurt to go away, I know I am not doing enough to help myself.

Two months since D Day and a month of Plan B... I think my withdrawal is going to be one of the longer ones, certainly not the 3-4 weeks I had hoped for. And I realise that I need to take responsibility for my recovery, as I seem to be letting the grief overwhelm me.

Why can I not let WH go, and move forward in my life? I am clinging to the love I have for a man who now exists only in my memory... but knowing all of this I STILL don't move forward.

No Scotland, I actually like that I would reconcile with WH REGARDLESS of feeling angry, sad or hurt. I feel proud of my values towards marriage. And you are right, some other BS have reconciled when their WS has acted possessed!

What I can do for me... heading off to a spin class, have been saying that I will go for weeks but haven't done it. Thanks for the support.

Ha ha ha! My mother would be proud!

Well, sometimes all a bully understands is a punch in the nose...

Thanks AM and Peachy, all of you are an awesome support.

I did have some fun yesterday with the munchkin nephew. Painting and trying to teach him not to cheat when playing board games!

It has been a tough week, and I really don't know why. I have hit some very very low points on the coaster ride, and those dark moments are DARK.

I was offered the job I went for in a city... I should have been happy. Instead I turned it down. I just feel incapable of making this sort of decision at the moment, almost like I am paralysed. My IC thinks I am trying to rush things, and that the first six months I should avoid major decisions, so maybe I am just being too hard on myself. And in my line of work, the jobs will always be there. It is just that I am not used to feeling so aimless, I have always been someone who makes a plan and works to reach the goal. Totally not what I am doing now... maybe my lesson out of this is to live much more in the present, and master the art of patience (something I have never been so great at).

On a positive, I feel more upbeat today. One day at a time...

Caracal,

Glad you feel upbeat today, but kinda sorry that you turned down the job. Why did you, do you think? It's OK, and very well may be not a good time to bite off a new challenge. Just wouldn't want you to get gun shy about your own capabilities. Good Lord! Look what you've done in such a short time, girl! And, making a Plan and sticking with it? You're doing that now, so stay proud of that.

(PS: my niece at 4 was so crafty trying to cheat at Candyland! Oh the tears from that little drama-queen when she was called on it! LOL!)

Because it is a new life, and the continueation of one stopped short. Its like he decided to stop the train and get off, and you are left alone in the journey.

You were together a long time and I bet you counted on H as you made descisions in what was going on in your life, and he became part of it. These things do not go away overnight, and there are right and worong ways to purge some of the old habits...right ways include..self help, excercize, involvement with good friends, work projects, reading, counselling, prayer and meditation...Wrongest way is to move on with a new man right now when you are still reeling from WH antics..

Think of where you stopped short in life, and move on from there, while still giving him a ever closing door that he has a chance at for awhile, but don't stop moving forward for yourself.

As far as guys go, you will know in a year or two when you are really ready, and not just lonely and heartbroke. Work on getting over the heartbreak first by working on yourself.

Oh my, the Plan B coaster ride sure keeps things interesting!

Weird night. Started thinking that I just don't know if I could make it through recovery even if WH wakes up and meets my conditions. I had not really thought about just how difficult recovery would be.

WH and I have never had relationships (emotional or physical) with anyone else. He has turned something that was so pure, into something impure; he has tainted it. I am feeling disgust for him.

I think I should try some new sleeping meds, the ones I am on clearly don't knock me out enough if I am thinking all this!

Confusing thoughts really, I still long for recovery, for the love we once shared, but now doubt I would ever be able to fully recover the respect and admiration I once had for him.

I know what you mean Caracal. I was my WHs first gf. We had only had SF with each other. I had a thought while in Plan B that OW KNOWS how I have SF and what I like. WH would have done those things with her so now she knows about ME and that hurt and disgusted me so badly.

I don't think that you need to not think about these things. You need to process it. This is part of it. It sucks but in the end(or at least the middle hehehehe) it is worth it.

I asked myself the same question and had no answer, Its so weird how its easier to answer when its you!!

He would have to inspire new admiration by how he handled recovery......

Not to T/J but I was having girl-talk chats with my OW while the A was ongoing....

I understand the violation feeling!