You plan a life without him and do more stuff and enjoy the ups of the roller coaster ride
cause the swoops back to feeling devastated will come on their own anyway ..... here and there.

Enjoy the good days!

No to looking through stuff to rekindle your love.
Your love is there anyway and it doesn't need to be riled up!

Indie,

Tough to say.

All we can do is go day to day-the emotional highs and lows seem to flatten out over time.

We can try and tease our feelings but we have gotten good about using our heads!!! We both know that there would have to be a sh#t ton of work on their part to recover our marriages and our brains know this. The love we have for them is still there but we don't call on it because we have no way of expressing it.

Eventually the love that we had will probably leak out and be gone for ever (I could be wrong) and by that time there probably isn't any need to stay in Plan B because we will be numb to our X
's existence.

I was told once on my thread, that you need to think of your love for your WH getting locked inside a safe and only a special combination will work to unlock it.

You know how quickly these feelings can swing so make the most of the highs and remember them during the lows. You're doing GREAT.

I was starting to worry that you had gone off the Plan B wagon and that was the source of your quiet. I am so happy that you had a perfect Plan B weekend and took care of yourself. Keep up the super duper work

This is true. I cant feel it, but it must be there. Like sunshine on the other side of the world.



I think this happens too.



I LOVE this!!! It just makes so much sense to me.



Awww Scot, dont worry. I owe it to myself to do this right. I even owe it to my h in a funny kind of way, not to enable.

I had a GREAT weekend actually. Had today (Monday) off too. Went shopping with my mum, spent way too much money and ate way too much at lunch, it was awesome.

Since I worked the weekend before and will be working next weekend I am grabing opportnities for R&R.

Tomorrow I crack on with university applications and finding a new job.....

I am so glad to hear it. You are doing so great and your life is going to SHINE. Keep it up.

Sorry about worrying about you I have just seen it too many times around here.
I should remember that you are a woman of strength and conviction.

Dont apologise!!! Having someone worry about me is nice.

And anyway isnt that what MB is all about? Being tough on people because we care? Also not letting those people rely on their own strength and conviction because people make mistakes....?

I think not showing 'unconditional trust' in someone's strength applies to friends and fellow MBers as well as to spouses...

For my part, there have been many tempations to go FU, or to just peek down OWs street to see where his car is. I had one today, even though today is a good day.

I have a few things in place to keep me accountable. Coming here is one of them. Her seeing me spying on her in my brightly coloured car is another. So I have banned myself from taking home an anonymous company vehicle....

But mostly its the good example set me by the queen b!!!

Isn't it crazy to have those tmeptations? I got do hard on myself when I would think anything about contacting WH. I would think about what did happen to me when I had those accidental sightings and how it was so NOT worth it. Seems you're a faster learner than I. Good. I need someone else to show off cuz I hate tooting my own horn.

So keep doing a spectacular Plan B and be a great example for those following behind you. Take some of the pressure off.

You two are the plan B Queens!!!

So one question to help you resist the generic company car ride...WHAT COLOR DID YOU PAINT YOUR TOES?

Mine are still hot pink. But a different hue. Brighter!

Yeah, see my story on how well we do when we try to handle things like this without support..basically we really mess things up quickly, when we are left to ourselves..

And Ditto on the unconditional trust, and lets add to that unconditional love from humans, and toss sacrifice out the window while we are at it too..

The temptation to be a KISA, or to handle all of our situations without help from outside, is great, because we all want that position from above and being in love can make us feel like we can do it, if we play our cards right, and with some luck, and some money, and....need I go on?

Truth, honesty, commpassion, dedication, appreciation, humility,hard work, grace, all play a part of our adult lives, and the chickens come home to roost even on the best of us dreamers who were willing to bet the farm on an idea. Its the adjustments to reality that show the mature individuals who won't throw the baby out with the bathwater. Yes dreams get squashed, and people betray you, you just don't let it twist you, so you betray yourself, or your spouse if it comes to that.

We are all learning lessons in life, and going through the fire, that tempers our resolve, to live it with guts and conviction, and for those who run away? They die many times..

Mine are electric blue today, 'cause Im electric...

I began my evening class today. Have to re-do my maths qualification if I want to go back to uni and eventually teach English (which makes no sense as I have an English degree, but there you have our crazy government)

The people all seem nice. Everyone, except for some really young lads, has a husband and kids at home. They seemed to feel sorry for me when I said I was separated, though I am sure they were just being nice. There was also a happy, chatty, newlywed. She was torture.

Had myself a pity party while driving myself home, so I gave myself a good talking to when I pulled up outside.

I am not simply separated - I have gotten myself out of a terrible situation. I am either on the eve of making my marriage extraordinary, or finding out what single Indie is really like! This could be chapter one of a really great love story which is waiting for me, too.

(though this summary is tricky to tell strangers)

So there, sad voices in my head who wont shut up when they are told.

Electric blue sound AWESOME. Mine are nude becasue I took off the last colour(metallic silver) and I haven't reapplied anything yet. I think I need to get on it since I am still wearing sandals(I don't give them up till it's really COLD). Hmmm blue? Green? RED. Yep red it is.

(((((Indie)))))

How hard that must have been. But you are right, this is but a chapter in your life and you are gonna have one AMAZING story from now on. And you are a survivor. Wooohooo

BTW I am so jealous that you get to go to school and then possibly teach, I would LOVE to do that.

Itll be a long, hard, expensive slog to get there.

More student loans on top of existing student loans.

But the job I do now, I have taken as far it can go. Plus I only really benefit the company I work for and its shareholders. I want my life's work to make a difference to PEOPLE. Really get involved with them.

I have been volunteering in a school and I love it. I am really excited about it...

My toenails are khaki color if anyone wants to know.

Oh that's very now. I was thinking of shopping for that!

Crackle is all the rage here right now. I have been thinking about getting some and now that you have all mentioned it, I will.

Sounds like the perfect plan.

1.You have an aspiration to do something really important, help people use that hat rack between thier ears.
2. You are also somewhere that is inducive to thought, philosphy, growth, and culture. That will help you heal and continue to grow.
3. Lots of opportunity for dating and checking out men if Softlad stays with the Black Widow. Your life can be full and you don't have to be lonely or sad.
4. Lots of mature adults go to full time colledge, and are seriuos students. You fit this catagory perfect because you are allready educated and have learned some pretty heavy lessons in life. You prolly wont be doing a "party school" thing either, lol.

This was my plan before I met second wife also, was going to get bachelors and then move onto law, but late W was not into,"secular" education, and I let myself get caught up in her BS, and listened to her talk, about how I had done so well, and poor me, and how it could be different.......I screwed it up, and of all the women I had a choice of, whom I told what my plans were, to stay single until I had that career I felt I was capable of and needed to fell right for, well she sold me. Good salewomen is all.

Stay with the plan, and I will be getting over my pride and going back to school again also. I have a freind that tells me, "All you want to go to the gym for is so you will look good for women again" Well thats just the way it will be, and it has more to do with my health than that, Jeez I am not that shallow..

The same will be what he says about school, "Just want to figure it out and have control"--Church---"Just want to hang around people who want to be good and think they are".

Screw all that negative crap, I will need to learn till I die, and even then I won't know as much as there is to know.

When God closes a door he opens up another one. The Chinese word for crisis is made from the two root words of disaster and opportunity. Im not ready to lay down and die yet, and if God be for me who can be against me?

You go gurl.

I will update my nail color later...

After my H's first bout with adultery, back in 1996, I went back to school, mostly to protect myself in the event that the marriage fell apart.

At the time I was 38 years old and older than some of my professors. Took 4 years of fulltime classes and had no real social life, but I earned my BS in Business/Finance. One of the best things I ever did for myself. My H said he could see me gaining self-confidence as the months passed.

Had to take math classes I never thought I was up to doing but worked really hard and aced even calculus. This from a gal who never got it in high school and missed completely failing algebra with a D-, for effort!

Anyway, an education is a wonderful tool, not only for having leverage to get into a good job, but also for finding out that you can indeed do what you never thought was possible.

My boss wanted me to use my own car to go to a job straight from home today. She said that to make up for the petrol I'd used, I could take a company car home. I was so busy, I just agreed.

Well, It wasnt until I was driving home, a mile from OW's house that I realised I was driving a car totally unfamiliar to her or softlad. And it was nice and dark, so I could drive down her street to snoop undetected if I wanted. Total temptation time.

I made the decision to sneak a peek. I really did decide.

What stopped me I cant really say. Part of it was I would feel compelled to be honest on here and then maybe other Plan Bers would see it and feel that they could cheat too.

The other thing is that, while I still struggle, I am doing so much better. Do I want to set my own recovery back to square one? I just said to myself 'what would I get out of it?' and I had no answer.

But it was close. Certainly no more driving strange cars for me.

I have another little sitch, too. An acquaintance seems taken with me. He looks at me too often and he starts up conversations with me all the time, even though my responses are minimal.

People know that I havent seen my husband in months. I dont wear a ring. Close girlfriends and family members know Im not ready to date, but men dont know that.

So annoying I have to deal with this. I suppose there is little I can do except continue being short with him.