Greenbelt,

I will report him to the TKD organizations that he belongs to...she said that it would hurt too many people

Like many frauds this guy spins a really good story about himself and has your W convinced he is a humanitarian or something

The kids (my daughter especially) don't like him and refuse to go back to his classes. So that is a positive.

There is a really good chance your daughter observed some inappropriate touching or kissing, but is too terrified to tell you out of fear she will destroy what is left of her parents marriage. For goodness sakes speak with her and your other children.

God Bless
Gamma

I suspect this is true, but what really creeps me out is the possibility that he may have said or done something inappropriate with Greenbelt's DD.

I hope not.

Greenbelt,

Please do an offender and sex offender search on this guy.

God Bless
Gamma

Good call, Gamma.

OK...here is some more info...please be aware that I have limited ability to visit and post during the day. I am recalling history from the past five years and recalling then posting events in chronilogical order is challenging.

Our home computers are open and in 2008 I was checking her email and cellphone use. No real "gotcha" emails except for him asking for her community orchestra schedule as he wanted to attend...I never mentioned the email and made it a point to go to her concerts..he never showed. WW isn't that technically savvy and doesn't know enough to cover her tracks.

My family is aware of WW's behavior...my older brother was keen to notice it and warned me about the time she was spending with him helping him clean his studio..etc.

My Dad told WW that if she didn't tone it down with OM and seek counseling, she was no longer welcome in his house....we did and I thought things quieted down until the past few weeks.

WW is working on her second degree bb..she got her first degree in 09 after starting in 06. I got my greenbelt in late 07 or early 08 and stopped going to his classes.

DD has told me that they have hugged, but it wasn't a "boyfriend girlfriend hug" and it is usually in front of a group of people. DD is sassy enough to tell OM to go to hell and I have no worries about her being manipulated or scared by him.

I've done some basic offender searches on him and nothing comes back. I plan on visiting the county family court as divorce records are public...I want to see if he really did divorce his wife.

So as you can see, my family is aware and supportive of me, so I'm not going it alone. Two close friends of mine are aware of it as well and have provided lots of emotional support.

I haven't gone public with the local martial arts community because of the almost cult like devotion they have to their master instructors...if I bought this up, somehow, they would try to defend this guy and right now, I need more info before moving forward.

I have resumed checking her phone and computer activity...also I have made it a point to vary my schedule as to disrupt her ability to see OM or go to his class.

I teach kung fu just a little south of you. I know the devotion given to instructors. Oddly enough though, you can expose to parents. Parents don't generally have the same attachment. Don't deceive yourself into thinking this yahoo is untouchable.


Good on ya for starting some of the checking. Put a voice activated recorder under her seat. She will probably do most of the talking with him in the car if they are both on to you.

Be patient. Right now you need to gather evidence. Don't let it slip what you are doing.

Cv

Hi Greenbelt.

The world of martial arts is a filthy immoral one. Violence, financial impropriety and the abuse of instructor / student protocols are endemic.

Your wife is having an affair with a very practised lothario. I would bet a dollar to a tin of spit that it is already physical.

Consider for a moment her prioritisation of her sport DESPITE your quite reasonable concerns. Her reply " too many people will be hurt" is CLASSIC wayward speak for " Oh man the sh will hit the fan if this is exposed".

I would not expect ANYTHING from the TKD sport leadership. As I said before I know that martial arts leadership is a moral toilet.

How can I be so sure about all this ? Well my wife is a 4th dan Karate sensei, and she was for a while Europe's top female referee. She had an affair with the head referee and gave all the excuses and behaviours your wife is giving you.

And it was a holy war for me to end their affair and to try to recover my marriage.

It starts with you internalizing a few facts Green:

1. NOTHING you can do will "make" her more adulterous than she is today. She will make you feel that exposure is a wicked thing that will CAUSE her to want to divorce you. She will not understand its true purpose and will receive it as hostile and spiteful. If she leaves you after exposure the exposure did not cause it: it just means the exposure has done its job and "exposed" the depth of the affair and the deceit. She probably won't though.

2. Your wife and kids have never needed you to be a MAN more than they do right now. Worth out the righteous path and stay on it. It is enfeebling to be cuckolded, can make a man question his validity and worth. Be sure that you can and MUST rise up a new man to save your marriage, your family and YOURSELF. I have never been prouder of anything I have ever done than how I ended my Squid's affair and recovered our marriage.

3. You have to start practising "loving detachment". No loving spouse can fix the mess while every ripple in the ocean makes you sick. I will bump up a thread on Loving Detachment for you.

Green you can do this. You can win back your marriage and your self respect but it will be hard and you will need to do some very uninstinctive things. But you can do it because I did it and so many using MB have done it.

I'm rarely on these boards these days as I run my own MB marriage ministry through my church but if you want me to help you I will.

All blessings.

Greenbelt, with all due respect, it sounds like there is a whole of enabling and excusing going on here and absolutely nothing to end her affair. That is the reason the affair has gone on so long.

But I haven't seen the answer to this question: is the OM married? And if so, have you told his wife?

I would demand that she end contact now and if you can, hire a PI tail her. Your marriage is not going to make it if you won't man up and fight for your marriage here. There is absolutely no reason for you to tolerate her continued affair with this man.

And it doesn't matter if she calls this professional contact, contact is contact. An alcoholic can call his drinks ""business drinks" but he still gets drunk. The only thing that will suffice is complete and total no contact.

Agree with Mel.

Here's what I would do if I was you and I was serious about killing this affair:

1) Answer Mel's question about OMW

2) Install a VAR/GPS in WW's car & keylogger on her computer

3) Tell us about your W's cell phone, what type and is it password locked?

I may be wrong but I think Green said earlier in his thread that OM is divorced.

Green, you need to confirm through Family Court records that OM is, in fact, divorced. WW's will say just about anything and so wil OM's.

OM is in fact divorced...just checked public records at family court. Records are online...no real details other time line...OM wife initiated proceedings this was done about the same time he seem to show more attention toward my ww.

Wife uses a Droid for her phone.

Looking at VARs now.

Good deal. Have you contacted OM's xw to see if your wife was the catalyst?

How's it going Green?

I think when we have to push someone to help themselves it is not hopeful. I don't have high hopes for this one at all.

ITA. Greenbelt, why don't you check out MirrorMirror's posts when you have a minute? He just finished burning a couch his WW and OM had sex on. I think you'll find his thread very enlightening.

Just a word of caution, though: You'll read that he also beat up the OM and sent him to the hospital. I want to caution you NOT to do that. We DO NOT encourage violence! But we also don't encourage hesitancy and reluctance in standing up for your marriage.

The point is that he swiftly and firmly stood up for his marriage. I thought you might want to see what that looks like.

His WW is now falling all over herself, trying to get back with him. I guess she's figured out that the man she's married to is a warrior who will protect his marriage. That's a very attractive quality for a man to have. Women like that, Greenbelt.

An Update about WW. I've decided to launch my own operation investigate and have found nothing incriminating.

No Emails
Text Messages
Unexplained Phone Calls

I recently detailed her car and examined every square inch of it...again nothing unusual.

She has stopped going to OM's class and is attending an alternate school. This week, she has been at home and hasn't gone to class at all. So what does this mean?

The only think that was unusual was last weekend...she needed to retest part of her blackbelt test..Part One was done at a tournament. It was scheduled on the school's website and a mutual friend met her there to offer support and it appeared legit. OM was probably there but she was home at a reasonable time.

Part Two was at the alternate school which is at a local rec center...I asked her if I could attend..she got very cagey and said it was probably private..for BB's only. I was caught up in a home improvement project and couldn't follow her right away. DD was suspicious and suggested we drop in at the rec center..we arrived two hours aftr the test started...the rec center was emtpy.

I sent her a text message and called her phone....no response. She came home at 9pm and I asked her where she was...she said they had a BB dinner at one of the instructors house. Again..based on some of the dialog on the school's FB page it seems legit.

She said she didn't return my call because she thought I would be upset. At this point we argued about the time she spends at TKD...I said that I feel like a single parent and then she started to list my "love busting" behaviors. We then retreated to our respective corners to cool off and the next day, she seemed more attentive to me and now she has been around the house and kids more...

I got that far in your post, GB. The rest of your post is very odd, as well.

Why is she doing these things alone in the same type of place that created the affair in the first place?

I don't know if we've turned a corner or not but at this point, I'll try plan A and take it a day at a time. I don't have a current event to base an exposure on as the height of the EA was 2 to 3 years ago.

I do know this....OM W divorced him because he wanted to be a fulltime instructor and was failing financially at it. She wanted him to get a steady job to contribute to the family's income and he refused. I think he saw my wife (she has a good job and comes from a wealthy family) as a potential new sugar momma.