CV,

I do have a plan. I spoke to my pastor last night and told him about it, and he was as disgusted as I was. He told me tha on Monday, he's going to talk to the judge in our divorce case (they go out to lunch and have a pretty good relationship) and discuss hypothetically the situation, without mentioning names, to give me an understanding of what I'm facing.

His info will give me my answer. If he says there is something I can do, I'm cashing in some of my IRA and will get a lawyer ASAP. Its past time. In the meanwhile, I will continue to seek God's direction through prayer.

By the way, CV, I can't thank you enough for all you've been to me. Please keep me in your prayers.

Also, I think I did pretty good last night. I saw them. They saw me. And I know he knew who I was because my daughter yelled "mommy, there goes daddy!". BUT I just kept walking.

good. Mark I'm glad things are moving in a direction. I'm sorry W is still WW, but it sounds like your pastor is stepping up to the plate. I hope it's a home run.


Cv

CV,

Things are moving. And thanks for the encouragement. You reminded me that faith is actually an action word. It does not mean doing nothing. It means doing things that you are able to do and relying on God to do what you can't.

I'm prayerful that he might be able to give me some info that will encourage me.

Mark,

Legal papers filed by a lawyer will be a massive wake up for your WW. Ask for sole physical and legal custody in addition to an order that demands that the paramour not be allowed around your DD.

Will you get all that? No. But seeing it will shock your WW and be a huge splash of cold water on her fantasy.

Help,

That is my plan exactly. I know it's asking too much, but I worked in sales for 10+ years and I learned that you never usually get a sale at full sticker price but you definitely will not if you don't try.

I have come to the conclusion i should move forward with legal counsel regardless of the intel I receive today. There is too much still at stake and it's time that I actively get involved. AND I really feel good about making this decision.

Thanks all for your encouragement and slaps in the face, at times. Sometimes we bs's need to be awakened from our fogs, too.

Just got the money I needed for a lawyer and I have an appointment set for Thursday. Yeeeaaaahhhh!

Mark,

I have been following your story and you have been doing great! I find your attitude inspirational!

Glad to see you are protecting yourself and your daughter!

Hang in there,

ba

Thanks.

Its good to know I've been an inspiration. At times, I've wondered about all that I have and haven't done and whether or not I was being misunderstood about what my goal has been.

I've recently come to realize that while I believe I do have faith, I misunderstood it. I realize that God often wants to bless us but there are things we have to do. If I trust God, I must do what I can and allow him to do the rest.

What I can do is fight for my future and make sure, if the divorce goes through, that I don't get the shaft. I can fight for my daughter's future and well-being. I can't change my WW.

I will admit that I was quite stubborn as it related to legal counsel but if you kick a dog long enough, he'll eventually learn. What I saw on Saturday night was the last kick.

I don't know what the future holds. Whether my marriage will survive. Whether my WW will hit rock bottom. Whether the sun will come up tomorrow. What I do know is that, with God, the best is yet to come.

Thanks all you MBs for your support.

I have to agree......reluctantly.

Now this is the Mark I was hoping to see. I am glad that you are here.

I also believe that you can have faith, but the answer to your prayers can also be in the form of plans to follow. It reminds me of that joke(although, there holds a lot of truth in it). The one with the man on the roof during the flood.

Bill, even though I haven't posted much on your thread, I've been following. Stay encouraged. I know it's hard, as co so many others here but you can do it. It's almost been a year for me and I still have an occasional bad day but they are getting fewer. And, yes, i think I'm out of my fog now.

Scotland, you've given me much advice over the course of my journey. Some I've listened to. Some I haven't, but maybe should've. Thanks. It has taken me a while but there is still fight in me. That fight is now being directed in another direction. It's now called "Operation DD". I have to do all I can for her now.

"Operation DD" is a noble mission indeed, and I say, "Carry on."

You have fought the good fight in regards to your marriage by attempting a Plan A and then moving into plan B. Now I see you gaining strength in Plan B. That is a Plan B success to me.

I will. I have no other option at this point. My DD didn't do anything to deserve this. She is innocent and my focus now (and probably should've been months ago) is to do what I can to minimize the affects all this has on her.

Its going to be the ultimate fight but I've been a fighter all my life. I fought hard for my marriage. It may or may not be over. But that's neither here nor there anymore.

I never thought I'd ever say I would stop fighting for my marriage. Actually, yes I did. I just never thought it would happen prior to the divorce being finalized. I haven't really actively fought due to being dark but I thunk you guys understand how my hope that being dark would impact my wife.

It's okay, though. Maybe I am a plan b success. Idk.

Removing yourself from the drama(ie NC), focusing on creating a life for yourself without your WS and recovering personally IS a Plan B success. Don't diminish that. It's not easy getting into Plan B. I am sure that you have seen all of the posters who are so very reluctant to enter it, even though they know the healing that will come.

You're doing the right thing.

I can't say that this is at the back of my mind. If it happens, great. If it doesn't, that's good, too. Ultimately, taking this next step will do wonders for helping me to know that I've literally done everything I could do for my marriage.

Honestly, though, moving forward with legal counsel has little to do with my marriage and everything to do with my daughter. It's taken me a while to get here, but it's better late than never, right????

Update...

Pastor was basically told by our judge that what my wife is doing is normal and that the justice system can't control that. He also said that if the father is concerned, he needs to build a case and fight it out in the court of law.

So it was somewhat discouraging but at the same time it gave me some validation on the path I've chosen to take.

It's not over until God says it's over....

So today i have the appointment with lawyer. I'm nervous, yet determined all at the same time. The odds say I probably don't have a chance at getting my daughter, but I will never know without putting up a fight.

Hang in there. You never know until you try!

CV