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God all I cam think about is how you have to be careful of bragging when your a guy, because other guys will try and steal your girl .
Works that way with women also I guess
Some women
But some guys keep thier mouth shut too and are private too
Caracal I understand what you mean about first loves
It was like that with first wife, even in this sleazy world
Same with you Scotty
The psalmist said, " be happy with the wife of your youth"
And it was not an order, it was a wish for men
I am hoping and believing all of us are moving towards a greater love from above, and that truth and conviction will guide us through into something even deeper
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I know what you mean Caracal. I was my WHs first gf. We had only had SF with each other. I had a thought while in Plan B that OW KNOWS how I have SF and what I like. WH would have done those things with her so now she knows about ME and that hurt and disgusted me so badly. Eeww, gross Scotland. I hadn't thought about THAT! But don't feel bad cause I know the thought would have come, I am now starting to process the nitty gritty of the affair... YUCK!!! Also thinking a lot about just how many opportunities I gave WH to be honest whilst he was in Aus and UK, in a very understanding way (no AO's apart from D Day). Goes to show, never ever trust the words of a wayward. Looking back, my Plan A was actually not that bad... and I got a good response from him until he got back to UK. Now I just have to master Plan B for my own sake, not his... I am a slow learner, but it is the journey that counts right? 
Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.
WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.
Plan B has set me free.
"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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Not to T/J but I was having girl-talk chats with my OW while the A was ongoing....
I understand the violation feeling! Oh Indie, I had not thought about your sitch from that angle.  and Grrrr to Black Widow! He would have to inspire new admiration by how he handled recovery... So true Indie! And that bar that would inspire some admiration is getting ever higher... I just don't think if WH wakes up that he would be the Olympian needed to get over it. He is no longer the KISA I always believed him to be. Instead my knight beat me to a bloody pulp and left me for dead to protect the "damsel"  he had known at the time all of two months... TWO MONTHS! As you may tell from my tone... I am no longer sure I want to rescue my poor WH from his young damsel... at least a "romance" with such integrity can't drag any other poor souls into it. Plan B allows them to "rescue" each other. Well, those are my thoughts from today in Plan B... lets wait and see what tomorrow brings 
Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.
WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.
Plan B has set me free.
"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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Carcal...
My WH is definitely a KISA. He's always rushing to help people - not only damsels in distress :-) It's his thing...
But as soon as he's saved someone, he resents the responsibility it's given him and he dumps them and runs away...
I hope OW turns into a dangerous, fire-breathing, sabre-toothed dragon...:-)
Me: BS
Him:WH and probably bipolar/borderline and more besides...
Married 14 years, separated 6 (after 1st brief affair) but half-reconciled in long-distance 'marriage'
D-Day: 9th July 2010
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Maybe you would prefer a veela (Harry-Potter related, read the fourth book where they first appear) rather than a dragon? the veela -->  <---the wh
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Me: BS
Him:WH and probably bipolar/borderline and more besides...
Married 14 years, separated 6 (after 1st brief affair) but half-reconciled in long-distance 'marriage'
D-Day: 9th July 2010
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Maybe you would prefer a veela (Harry-Potter related, read the fourth book where they first appear) rather than a dragon? the veela --> <---the wh Ha Karma, think I'll stick with the dragon or Hagrid's spider spinning a very big web. Or is my WH as drunk as Ron after eating the chocolates? He is certainly acting as bright. Damn, that OW "damsel" might be a wizard with a love potion! Yep, an avid HP fan...
Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.
WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.
Plan B has set me free.
"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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Unfortunately, Hagrid's spider
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Carcal...
My WH is definitely a KISA. He's always rushing to help people - not only damsels in distress :-) It's his thing...
But as soon as he's saved someone, he resents the responsibility it's given him and he dumps them and runs away...
I hope OW turns into a dangerous, fire-breathing, sabre-toothed dragon...:-) So was mine, what IS that? Once he offered to help a complete stranger move house....
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Okay, here is a question I am unsure about with Plan B and just want some advice.
I have some friends and possibly a family member who have held off on speaking with WH since exposure. One of them actually said she wanted time to figure out what her feelings were and what she actually wanted to say to him... she has known the two of us since we started dating. Some of these friends are now coming out of the woodwork wanting to contact WH with "questions".
Is this wise whilst I am in Plan B? I figure I have no real right to stop them, it is their choice (and some are friends with WH anyway). And I did enough protecting WH from consequences of his actions prior to D Day so am not wanting to do this any longer. Any pressure on WH and the affair is a good thing isn't it?
Do I just make clear not to mention me (so WH does not get his fix)? I do NOT want to hear about the conversations, friends can figure out for themselves just how much FOG there is without me being exposed to it again!!!
Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.
WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.
Plan B has set me free.
"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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Let them question him however they want. If you have told them the whole truth, what harm can it do you?
Let WH rage. You're in a good Plan B. You won't know.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Thats sort of what Ive been doing, KR, but I was a bit unsure so its good to hear you say so.
Most of our mutual friends havent contacted me (and some sent HIM messages of support while I had his phone) Grrrrr.
His family gave him hell. Hahaha - they love me.
My family were really cool and aloof to him and just say nothing.
I think you're playing it right Caracal. It doesnt really matter what people say to them. The key point is that they didnt want anyone knowing their dirty little secret - and now everyone does. Its their own sense of shame, more than the disgust of others, that gets activated, I think.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Let them question him however they want. If you have told them the whole truth, what harm can it do you?
Let WH rage. You're in a good Plan B. You won't know. Thanks Karma, this reassures me. My worry is that family / friends will filter information about ME through to him... family in particular are increasingly angry with him, more so then when he was in Aus. And they have had a good few months to store up their grievences...  If this happens is it damaging to Plan B? I don't want WH getting a fix of me and having something more to fuel the passion with OW!
Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.
WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.
Plan B has set me free.
"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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If this happens is it damaging to Plan B? I don't want WH getting a fix of me and having something more to fuel the passion with OW! Please let your family know that it is in your best interest for them to refrain from discussing you at all with him. I wouldn't mind seeing them in Plan B as well.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Most of our mutual friends havent contacted me (and some sent HIM messages of support while I had his phone) Grrrrr. I have been largely ignored as well (or at least it feels that way). But one couple have been offering support to me and WH is avoiding their calls. His family gave him hell. Hahaha - they love me. Ditto Indie! Although I haven't heard from them since exposure, I think this IS more out of embarrasment at their crazy brother's behaviour. Prior to exposure they continually questioned WH and why he was not making effort in our marriage and reminding him of how "lovely" I am... WH was angry at them for this and their advice... "STOP JUDGING ME!!!"  My family were really cool and aloof to him and just say nothing. Mmmm, my mother was anything but cool, steaming mad and let him have it on one occasion. Hell hath no fury like a mother scorned! Father very cool and clearly disappointed in him, think this really got under WH's facade. I think you're playing it right Caracal. It doesnt really matter what people say to them. The key point is that they didnt want anyone knowing their dirty little secret - and now everyone does. Its their own sense of shame, more than the disgust of others, that gets activated, I think. I agree with this Indie. And I imagine my WH has worked overtime to suppress that sense of shame. But he feels it, his avoiding me, my family and the mutual friends that know are evidence of that. What I need him to feel is guilt for his choices and behaviour, as only this will bring about true remorse. And I am not so sure he feels that... I see wisdom in MB's words for family to be dark. WH is likely eventually going to miss their support and love. But I may encourage the friends who want to keep the "judging" going (whilst being dark about me), hopefully someone may eventually get through!
Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.
WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.
Plan B has set me free.
"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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Posts: 1,428
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Time to put on my dancing shoes...  But today I will put them on not caring about what the weather is doing in UK, but because I am going out with friends for a night in the city. My first night out dancing since D Day. Hooray!
Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.
WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.
Plan B has set me free.
"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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Posts: 8,240
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Time to put on my dancing shoes... But today I will put them on not caring about what the weather is doing in UK, but because I am going out with friends for a night in the city. My first night out dancing since D Day. Hooray! Dance the night away. 
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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As the Fraggles would say...
Dance your cares away!
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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With HOT pink toenails to BURN up the dancefloor!!!
Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.
WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.
Plan B has set me free.
"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
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As the Fraggles would say...
Dance your cares away! LOVE THE FRAGGLES. "Worry's for another day, let the music play." Fraggle Rock
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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