And just for the record, I am not with the OM.

New-Age-Speak by a guy who made money on electronic gadgets. I expect that might be fine if you're building a computer. Other than that? Irrelevant.

Steve Jobs ... the man, who at the end of his life, regretted that he gave his life to everything EXCEPT his marriage and children.

Oh, what happened? Was there a trust issue?

No surprise there. We all knew that was coming.

So why are you back?

So I expect you will not actually follow this. Because to follow this means you are living someone else's life. After all, what you quote is dogma from Steve Jobs.

So one cannot follow this without contradicting it.

I have a quote for you, from someone I find very good to follow:

-- God speaking to Moses, Exodus 20:14

I don't care who quoted the above, that wasn't the point. Amazing how things happen in ones life that lead them to where they need to be. Nothing happens by chance or accident or coincidence and I truly believe that. "Have you ever felt completely called to do something? Against all perceived reason or logic? 'Common Sense' is screaming in your ears, and yet ... you calmly brush her away ... unable to create a convincing argument as to why it must be done. You just know ... and trust that it will reveal itself in its own time." Its already revealing itself. And feel free to go on to tell me how unhappy the rest of my poor life will be.

Of course you don't.

It's equally amazing how some people can make pretty stupid choices, then blame it on fate.


Hogwash. There's no "common sense" in taking a stupid, destructive choice, and running with it.

No need to. It will bite you in the *** when it "reveals itself in its own time."

Perhaps nothing happens by chance. That's not the issue. The issue is the decisions made when presented with those circumstances.

You can't know if the route you chose is the happiest if you never choose the other route. So while you think you are choosing happiness, you may have chosen sadness that is not yet fully realized.

I simply choose to believe that this life is not all about my happiness. Happiness is such a fleeting thing. It's about what happens. Instead, I try, with varying degrees of success to find contentment and joy in the circumstance.

You can't take that away from me.

Happiness is fleeting. It can be taken away in a moment. But the ability to find contentment in your circumstance and joy in your life, regardless what is happening cannot be taken from you by the events of life.

I think one of the most selfish phrases ever put to pen is, "the pursuit of happiness." But it's ingrained in American culture. We have this notion that we have the right to happiness.

I find it sad that we've taken that to the extreme that we can pursue happiness without regard of how our actions impact another. Each generation ends up more selfish and entitlement minded than the previous.

Just as the Roman empire fell from the inside out due to their particular pursuit of happiness, if we don't make a change, we will do the same.

This website is a testament to how the pursuit of happiness can leave a wake of destruction.

Enough preaching. I pray you'll find peace, contentment and a genuine ability to treat others with higher regard than you treat yourself.

That's far more worthy than the temporary thing known as happiness.

Enlightened Ex, that was the best post I have read on here in days. I truly and sincerely appreciate your wisdom. From the mistake that I made in my marriage and the horrific process of divorce, I have learned so much about myself and about life and the people who have been on this ride with me. From all bad situations come some good. I do feel like I have grown from what has occurred over the past year. Maybe I will never find "happiness". Time will tell that. But yes I am content and still have tons of things that bring me joy every single day. If thats the best that comes out of this, I still feel rather blessed.

Oh goodie. She's destroyed her marriage and her childrens home, but at least she feels content and blessed. Yippee.

Is it time for the group hug now?

I think it is time for a group hug because I promise you, there are so many worse things in life than a divorce and no matter what I still feel blessed.

I'm suggesting that you don't even search for happiness. It's fleeting, it's temporary. Find contentment and you'll probably gain happiness as a benefit.

If you treat others well. I.E. you don't betray them, you don't think they are inferior, then you'll find you are content more of the time.

When you let go of the notion things have to go your way, be it traffic, how your spouse acts, or whatever, I think happiness finds you.

But if you lie, cheat, steal, betray and do "whatever it takes" without regard to others, any happiness you might "steal" using this method is easily lost.

Call it karma, or God balancing the scales, I do believe that happiness gained at the expense of others, such as the happiness obtained in an affair obtained at the expense of your spouse when you break your vows to him, is temporary at best, and non-existent in most circumstances.

Any happiness you might find is immediately threatened by the questions of how someone might steal it away from you as you've stolen happiness from another.

That's what folks are trying to tell you. Any happiness obtained through illegitimate means is temporary at best.

No one is arguing that you were unhappy in your marriage. In fact, I think we all get it. I was unhappy in my marriage to my WXW. Did her affair provide her happiness? Dunno? It certainly distracted her from the unhappiness.

Of course, it did the opposite to me, I went from moderate unhappiness to contemplating suicide. So while I would not argue against the notion we were unhappy, I simply disagree that the ONLY path to happiness was for her to have an affair.

Yet the wisdom of the world tells us just that, if you are not happy, then just bail out.

What if, that thing you described, that thing that made zero sense, appeared to be illogical was present in the situation. What is the conventional, "logical" choice? It's to give up, or to seek your happiness through an affair.

I'm glad you described the circumstance the way you did, because that describes what it's like to actually FOLLOW the MB plan. It's so illogical when you are in the middle of an unhappy stretch.

I'm sorry you, or you and your XH missed out on that, instead choosing the conventional wisdom, rather than what you described.

I sit here and wonder if you missed out on what you described in such glowing terms?

There are many here who would say you probably have.

Who is warming those knickers at night? Your husband or OM#2?

What would happen Strugglin' if you let OM#2 go and do NC (real/honest/truthful NC) with all your OM for 30-60 days?

Based on 40 years of work, facts well documented, and hundreds of thousands of posts on this forum for the past fourteen years -- I am 100% certain feelings for your husband will likely return, and the choices you made will likely sink you into one HE!! of a depression!!!

What I'm trying to say is you were called to do something, the MB plan. It went against all your perceived reason and logic. The collective common sense of the board was screaming out at you.

But instead of choosing this, you went with the Common Sense of the world that says to obtain your personal happiness regardless the costs to others.

Frankly, none of us know how happy or unhappy you will be. Not even you will know that.

But we do know that you didn't make a brave choice. You didn't go against the conventional wisdom. No, you took the wisdom of the world and made the choice most make, ignoring that voice that went against your perceived reason and logic.

So while you describe a brave choice, you didn't make it, did you?

Didn't he also write extensively about his failures and all his regrets? His regrets about denying his child for many years, failed relationships, and birth parents to name a few.

How are your girls blessed? How are you blessed? I am happy you are familiar with MB. It will help with my next post.

How long do you think the love of your girls will last? Since you understand how emotional needs and lovebusters work, then how long will their love last for you?

As a devoted mother I practice emotional needs with my children.

1) O&H
2) Affection
3) Conversation
4) Discipline
5) recreational fun
6) Admiration
7) financial support
8) domestic support
9) family committment
10) Teaching them how to groom themselves

Society tells us our children will love us forever because well, "We are their parent?" Really how can this be 100% true?

If I spend the next 20 years of my children's lives with independent behavior, dishonesty towards them, disrespect, and anger then will these children really love me? Will I foster love in them for the next 20 years?

The reseach and facts suggest they will not only stop loving me, they will likely grow to hate me. Who would love that in anybody?

When you are an ADULTERER - your model follows the 5 lovebusters. Children become confused because they retain residual love because the Wayward parent is meeting some of the needs, yet using Lovebusters against their children. As time progresses the child begins to feel love/hate for their wayward parent because they know lovebusters are wrong. They were taught that by their other parent.

Since children do not have maturity, the will act out in a temper tantrum as their wayward parent during adolescence.

Hence the repeated patterns of the Adulterous parent are passed down to the children, and the cycle begins.

And what of your victims ... You're still so focused on yourself.
Yes, I know that there are things worse than divorce. Such as an affair. Or destroying your childrens' home.

You've got blood on your hands, but at least you feel blessed. Lovely.

Struggling, what is your question? I don't understand it. Can you simplify it for me and reword it so we can try to answer it?

Out of curiosity, why choose to come back NOW and post on THIS particular thread since you were so adamant before that you were NOT coming back to MB? Who are you trying to impress with your "happiness"?

You threw your marriage away and you may not see it now, but you have gravely harmed your children. I personally have no respect whatsoever for a mother who would do this to her family. Your D-day was recent and you're already "hooking up" AGAIN? Wow? Does your new boy know your history?

Those poor children. I hope your BH has the strength to do what is necessary to protect them, because you certainly don't.