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The plan A works subtly at first, and you must let them notice the changes without pointing them out. A stellar plan A is essential but not often successful.
Should you have to goto plan B, you want them to notice the stark constrasts between "the improved you" and "your not around anymore".
Although Plan A is not very successful, its a key component to the MB philosophy.
In regards to how you handled yourself the last two instances, I think you did right by OWNING your mistake as well as letting own hers.
As for her staying overnight from her family, that would be a non-starter for me, especially when you mentioned the skank-shack 20 minutes away. The 45 minute drive is total BS.
Have you learned about reverse fog babble?
FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
DS 14, OC-D 12 (given up for adoption), DS-8, DD-5
D-Day#1 10-12-1998
D-Day#2 2-10-2008
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Thanks again for the reply..
I have read little about reverse fog babble, but point me in the right direction and I will soak it in.
Me: BH 40
WW 39
S13, D9
Married 15 yrs together 19!!!
D Day July 11,2011
WW in P.A. with OW
WW wants D
Almost done
Former Tryingtofeelgood
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Yeah but what do you do with non starter????? give up, hell no
The drive is complete B.S cause 20 min is how far tha shack is from our home
Last edited by tryingtofeelgood; 10/13/11 11:45 AM.
Me: BH 40
WW 39
S13, D9
Married 15 yrs together 19!!!
D Day July 11,2011
WW in P.A. with OW
WW wants D
Almost done
Former Tryingtofeelgood
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There is a thread on reverse fog-babble, If you need me to, I'll see if I can find it. Its a godsend for when a wayward is driving a BS crazy.
While you are not able to physically restrain her, you can make sure she knows there are consequences for her actions in a matter of fact tone.
You know exactly where this shack is?
FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
DS 14, OC-D 12 (given up for adoption), DS-8, DD-5
D-Day#1 10-12-1998
D-Day#2 2-10-2008
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By the way, if she insists on going to the shack because the drive is too long, offer to pick her up from school.
FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
DS 14, OC-D 12 (given up for adoption), DS-8, DD-5
D-Day#1 10-12-1998
D-Day#2 2-10-2008
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reverse fog-babble...I will look
No I do not know exactly where it is.... I think that would cause me too much grief.....I might try the unibomber's technique. just kidding.
She is very matter of fact about where she is going and the choices she makes and is almost defiant in her conversation w/me about it. But then asks is that ok.
I always respond no its not ok. But I do not controll you, you are free to do whatever you want.
She just wants more time w/ OW, in fantasy land... I do want to bust that bubble...
will look for reverse fog.....
Thanks again for your help
Me: BH 40
WW 39
S13, D9
Married 15 yrs together 19!!!
D Day July 11,2011
WW in P.A. with OW
WW wants D
Almost done
Former Tryingtofeelgood
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If she does go, you should be able to recognize her car right?
FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
DS 14, OC-D 12 (given up for adoption), DS-8, DD-5
D-Day#1 10-12-1998
D-Day#2 2-10-2008
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absolutely.........
what I was thinking was that it was another opportunity for re-exposure.
What r u thinking?
Me: BH 40
WW 39
S13, D9
Married 15 yrs together 19!!!
D Day July 11,2011
WW in P.A. with OW
WW wants D
Almost done
Former Tryingtofeelgood
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Im struggling not to give you bad advice and stick to sharing advice using MB principles... LOL
FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
DS 14, OC-D 12 (given up for adoption), DS-8, DD-5
D-Day#1 10-12-1998
D-Day#2 2-10-2008
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If she must go,
I'd make plans to document her car there in the driveway,
I'd find out the address of this skank-shack.
I'd take pictures of her car there
Are you journaling her comings and going in a notebook? Dates? times? Events?
FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
DS 14, OC-D 12 (given up for adoption), DS-8, DD-5
D-Day#1 10-12-1998
D-Day#2 2-10-2008
Recovered!
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BTW, I worship the ground MelodyLane walks on... A Goddess among women...
You need to show your taking her advice somehow, some way to get back in her good graces, I've seen her take wishy-washy husbands and turn them into great warriors for thier families... Clanking sounds all over the country can be heard today thanks to that woman. (Men growing a great big pair of brass ones)
ETA: And a spine of steel
I have yet to find fault with the woman's postings..
Last edited by RMX; 10/13/11 05:23 PM.
FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
DS 14, OC-D 12 (given up for adoption), DS-8, DD-5
D-Day#1 10-12-1998
D-Day#2 2-10-2008
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I am documenting everything, everything. Daily journal including who does what w/children, who makes meals. Who goes where. Also what she spends family money on. I will take pics of car at the place.
About ML, you are right, she is a goddess. I completely respect her posts and actually am starting to understand her posting personality, and I get her point.
I for the first time reread my thread today, and yes I now realize what a unic I sound like.
Another question: Since our first meeting with attorneys is on Monday, wouldn't it be an ideal time to re-expose next wk when she is at the skank shak?
Me: BH 40
WW 39
S13, D9
Married 15 yrs together 19!!!
D Day July 11,2011
WW in P.A. with OW
WW wants D
Almost done
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If I can chime in. Who makes the money? You do know the golden rule right? He/She who has the gold makes the rules. Tell me that you are not financing sex between your LUG (Lesbian Until Graduation) wife and this other woman? I hope not. You think its smart to "Let her find herself"? I beg to differ. I would prefer to fight for my marriage. I would out her to all friends and family. And when she asks why, tell her "gay pride". Cut off all finances. Bank accounts, credit cards, everything. If she want to go be with a woman, let her finance it. JOINT MONEY MADE DURING THE MARRIAGE WILL NOT BE USED BY HER TO DESTROY IT!!! (at least as far as you can help it).
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Thanks for chiming ouch!!
Is it even possible, to cut off all avenues to cash and credit?
Is it legal?
My attorney said don't cancel cards but shrink your limits so that she can't cause a credit disaster.
I don't think it's smart to let her find herself, and I do think it's smart to out to everyone, also to out the OW.
Me: BH 40
WW 39
S13, D9
Married 15 yrs together 19!!!
D Day July 11,2011
WW in P.A. with OW
WW wants D
Almost done
Former Tryingtofeelgood
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My attorney said don't cancel cards but shrink your limits so that she can't cause a credit disaster. Are you the primary card holder? Your attorney's advice is sound. My only concern is that she can raise the limit back up. If you're the primary owner of the account I'd agree to keep them open and lower the amount so that it's just above the balance and covers your monthly interest. Don't go all the way to the balance - if they factor in interest, the card issuer could consider you over the limit and ding you with a fee.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Thanks for the advise mb.
Interest isn't a factor, and I know from recent history that the bank won't let her adjust the limit. As a matter of fact they won't let me either, only one change per 6 months. I have also been advised to put a fixed amount of money in her account every month, and not be too generous. It will show a pattern of what it takes in living expenses..... I don't really know that can b when we are still living under the same roof. I am doing it though.
Me: BH 40
WW 39
S13, D9
Married 15 yrs together 19!!!
D Day July 11,2011
WW in P.A. with OW
WW wants D
Almost done
Former Tryingtofeelgood
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I have also been advised to put a fixed amount of money in her account every month, and not be too generous. It will show a pattern of what it takes in living expenses..... I don't really know that can b when we are still living under the same roof. I am doing it though. This is puzzling. How does this show anything about living expenses, for her to be given money? Who pays the bills?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Well I do kind of. Let me explain. Up until last month she was stay at home mom. We have a joint account which I would put a set amount of money in and she would pay normal household expenses like clothing food clothing shoes and sometimes utilities and such. But for the last 3 months she has put everything on a joint cc. Which pay from the office account. She very rarely uses her checking account.... When she knows she is going to see OW she withdraws cash, or uses ATM several days in advance, I assume so I can't track spending.......I really don't know how this shows anything about living exp.
Me: BH 40
WW 39
S13, D9
Married 15 yrs together 19!!!
D Day July 11,2011
WW in P.A. with OW
WW wants D
Almost done
Former Tryingtofeelgood
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Posts: 235
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I assume my attorney is under the assumption that she pays bills and that money I pay her would go to pay living expenses, but not sure....
Thanks again mb for your help
Me: BH 40
WW 39
S13, D9
Married 15 yrs together 19!!!
D Day July 11,2011
WW in P.A. with OW
WW wants D
Almost done
Former Tryingtofeelgood
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Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 235
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Simple question, maybe not so simple.
Do I continue to plan A during the initial phases of a divorce, cause that is where she is steering the bus.
Me: BH 40
WW 39
S13, D9
Married 15 yrs together 19!!!
D Day July 11,2011
WW in P.A. with OW
WW wants D
Almost done
Former Tryingtofeelgood
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