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There are 2 camps with views on exposure 1. The ones that applaud you for your guts, and go behind your back saying 'boy I wish I had the strength and guts to do that if my S cheats on me'. Those are the people with ethics and morals. Upstanding people. Some will not say it to your face, but they'll still think it. 2. The ones that vilify you for it. They are horrified you did this because............... they got something to hide themselves, either active in an affair themselves or have been. It is NOT something they want to have happening to them. They are often the loudest voices. The louder the voice, the more you should distrust them 
Me BW (37)
WH (37)
DD1 6 yrs DD2 2 yr
A man who abandons his wife and children because of his infidelity is no price. I can do better then that, I deserve better then that.
The difficulties and struggles of today are but the price we must pay for the accomplishments and victories of tomorrow
Men must be honest with themselves before they can be honest with others. A man who is not honest with himself presents a hopeless case
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2. The ones that vilify you for it. They are horrified you did this because............... they got something to hide themselves, either active in an affair themselves or have been. It is NOT something they want to have happening to them. They are often the loudest voices. The louder the voice, the more you should distrust them Agree. They are often people who have cheated themselves. When you consider that adultery affects 50% of marriages, it only stands to reason that about 50% of the people you are exposing to have had an affair themselves. So they have an emotional investment in hiding adultery.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yea Mel, it was just hurtful. She replied and asked how I'd feel if she told all my friends how sexually unsatisfied my husband mustve been and how embarrassing that I allowed this twice.I replied and told her go ahead, because they all already know and the shame isn't on me. Tell them the truth is never libel/slander, but telling lies is. They would have to proof in court how sexually unsatisfied your husband must have been. And please let me know when that court date is, I would love to be there to hear them proof that.
Me BW (37)
WH (37)
DD1 6 yrs DD2 2 yr
A man who abandons his wife and children because of his infidelity is no price. I can do better then that, I deserve better then that.
The difficulties and struggles of today are but the price we must pay for the accomplishments and victories of tomorrow
Men must be honest with themselves before they can be honest with others. A man who is not honest with himself presents a hopeless case
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Melody-he did come to bed I guess he was waiting for me to ask. As for your 2nd q "is he committed to recovery of marriage" how do I know? Besides if he follows my list and doesnt mess up? What I mean is he committed to going through this program and using all the steps? Do you have the book Surviving an Affair? The idea is to first affair proof your marriage. You have done a good job on that! And the next step is to recover the romance in your marriage and create a BETTER MARRIAGE than you had before the affair. See, most marriages do not ever recover from affairs. They might stay together but they limp along in a crippled state of the pre-affair marriage. When that happens, they fall completely out of love and your resentment just grows and grows. The solution to that is to create a mrriage that was better than your pre-affair marriage. So I would start working on a plan to turn this around now. Do you have the book Surviving an Affair? It has a really good plan in it.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I kinda wanted the gps for when I can't account for him >.>
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About the GPS, do you need to calibrate it? I think I remember somewhere about not all services being equally accurate untill you turn it on. I'm often a couple of house down too 
Me BW (37)
WH (37)
DD1 6 yrs DD2 2 yr
A man who abandons his wife and children because of his infidelity is no price. I can do better then that, I deserve better then that.
The difficulties and struggles of today are but the price we must pay for the accomplishments and victories of tomorrow
Men must be honest with themselves before they can be honest with others. A man who is not honest with himself presents a hopeless case
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I kinda wanted the gps for when I can't account for him >.> Maybe contacting the manufacturer would be a good idea, they would be more expert on how it works with the model phone he has also. I would assume that it hadn't had a chance to calibrate, because you just installed it, and it hadn't been out and about yet. But that is just speculation, find out from the experts
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Ok. I'll call Monday at work.
Should I get 2 copies of the book? He agreed to try the mb program..I just hadn't gotten that far yet (been busy o.O lol)
I don't want crippled. I want better.
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Don't know what your schedule is like, but we have HNHN,LB, and SAA, one copy of each and read them aloud at night to each other. We often stop and discuss at will.
If you have $1000 the Online Program is great and has lots of accountability, plus you can post in the private forum directly to Dr. Harley.
If followed, MB has great success. Our marriage was good before the A (happened during deployment) but we both agree it's even better and very passionate and romantic. H insists it's not work at all to meet my ENs because, I think, I'm meeting his at the same time. MB is really helpful for couples who are both on board.
Married 1980
DDay Nov 2010
Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders
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Ok. I'll call Monday at work.
Should I get 2 copies of the book? He agreed to try the mb program..I just hadn't gotten that far yet (been busy o.O lol)
I don't want crippled. I want better. You can get one SAA book and then get the workbook [Five Steps to Romantic Love] that goes with it. [it has the undivided attention worksheets in and you can make copies] The way to do it is to read a few chapters a night and then start the lessons when you get to that part. And I wonder if the GPS will correct itself once he gets away from your home? I don't know.  That really bugs me because you need that feature. I know others who have used that app and it was very exact, usually within 50 feet.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Don't know what your schedule is like, but we have HNHN,LB, and SAA, one copy of each and read them aloud at night to each other. We often stop and discuss at will. That is a great idea! Another idea that Harley has suggested is to get highlighters in different colors and mark the sentence/paragraph that you want your spouse to pay special attention to. I would, however, avoid His Needs, Her Needs until he defogs. Lovebusters and SAA are great books for now.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Ok I'll get a copy of all 3. I don't really have the extra 1000. We just worked to pay off 15k in debt using the dave ramsey plan so we don't have more than a few thousand saved. Throw in him quoting his job (or whatever is happening), me needing a new car if he leaves his work, and a themoney ill have to spend if he messes up on
Plan b/divorce...I'm not comfortable spending 1000 right now. I have about 3k that was supposed to go to cc...but since this all happened I'm going to put it away as a nest egg just in case and pay min on cc...until the job stuff is all secure
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He just left to take our kids to his moms so we can write an email to his boss together and clean the house (we are both neatfreaks and in the last week and a half I let it go bc I was under a rock and he dealt w kids for the same reason).
I have to go to an art show my gma is in at 2...he doesn't want to go bc he says the $30 is a waste...I'm hoping his cousin comes over to keep tabs on him >.>
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I would, however, avoid His Needs, Her Needs until he defogs. Lovebusters and SAA are great books for now. I read SAA first, on my own. When my H was mostly defogged, he read SAA, also on his own. We didn't discuss it very much at the time, but reading it really helped him with the rest of the defog. In the MB Online course, we were also guided to complete LB first. First plug up any holes, then move on to HNHN. Listening the radio show is also a great help to marriage. H is very open to that and marvels at Dr. Harley's logical approach to marriage and how good it's been to learn it.
Married 1980
DDay Nov 2010
Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders
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Can we get the radio show in the car?
Ok so I'll start saa. I'm cuurently reading "after the affair" which my therapist suggested, and my friend whose husband did almostbtge same thing as mine dday1.
Its more about helping my emotions though I think.
I am still on shock that this plan a worked (thusfar). I thought fir sure asking him to leave meant the end.
Thank you ladies for everything. I'm sure I'll have more questions.
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What phone do you have? They have an Iphone app. and working on Droid but on the Droid you can still listen to the archives.
You can just goto the radio archive link at the top of this page from your droid and then "search archives" and you can listen to previous days shows.
I've not been able to get my droid to stream the live show reliably. I can get bits and parts of it but not the whole thing so I just am a day behind.
Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
NC - 01/09/11
02/20/12 done beating my head on that wall.
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Forgot to say, I have my phone blue tooth to the car so I can listen to it on the car speakers.
Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
NC - 01/09/11
02/20/12 done beating my head on that wall.
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Oh cool. I have bluetooth in my car and iPhone. He has droid.
Update: I do get the text convos. *score*
I just hope if he used the gmail app to make a new email I'd get to see that to. If he where to relapse I'm sure that's how communication would go
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One of her friends sent me a long email saying I'm just as low as she is sending that fb message and trying to ruin her life..and that I should've left him the first time so the Shame is on me Ignore these messages. They're from ignorant people and your mission is to expose the affair, not educate ignorant people. Your mission is accomplished.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Ok so I'll start saa. I'm cuurently reading "after the affair" which my therapist suggested, and my friend whose husband did almostbtge same thing as mine dday1. PLEASE put that book aside. And make sure your husband doesn't read it. The author, Spring, says: "I don't make blanket judgments about whether affairs are, in themselves, good or bad."  You don't even need for your husband to be reading such bullcrap rationalizations. I ASSURE you that Dr Harley will tell anyone and everyone that AFFAIRS ARE THE MOST DESPICABLE THING YOU CAN DO TO YOUR SPOUSE!! That book is good for coddling adulterers. I am still on shock that this plan a worked (thusfar). I thought fir sure asking him to leave meant the end. You are very brave!! They RARELY leave when you put your foot down. He has too much to lose to sacrifice everything for that skank. We knew you had alot of leverage and that you just needed to USE it. 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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