Whenever she starts her "woe is me" speech in regards to exposure.

You say: "I will do whatever it takes to fight for our marriage"

Imagine her emailing people who never got your exposure letters and then she ends up in a bigger mess with people who had no idea of what shes been up to .

My wifes letter she wants to send out...


Hello � I am writing to all of you to share some sad, heart changing, amazing things. To begin with I don�t know who my husband ---- choose to share our struggle with an emotional affair that I was involved with off and on for 6 months. I am GUILTY of this and I have been persecuted by ---- � when I say this he chose to share the details of this with family, friends, co-workers of acquaintances and mine. By my actions he felt compelled by our God almighty to shame me into returning to him, hence saving our marriage. I don�t know if what he did will save our marriage or put it faster into destruction � I am still at prayer for that. I have always been a believer of Christ and was on fire for the Lord for a long time. I don�t know the point that I went from having God visit me daily to me only speaking of his name and not feeling is grace but by not having God in our lives � the devil was able to enter and enter he did. You may choose not to read anymore but what you read may change your life and maybe find your way to the Lord our Savior, our Redeemer. Before you read the rest of this story I want you to know I cast no blame on ---- for his actions as he felt he was at his end with me and knew of no other way to try to keep me but by shaming me. ---- and I have always appeared to be the perfect couple � we were till we slowly grew apart from one another we did not nurture and care for our marriage in a Christian manner, this is one reason why so many marriages end in divorce. This is NOT an excuse but it opened a hole in my life that allowed the devil to creep in and grasp a hold of. My �affair� started very innocently and preceded that way for sometime, in my mind. I sought conversations with this man for the purity of not having any conflicts with him, and he would cast no opinion on me. This should have never been happening as we as a couple should have been there for one another. As it flourished I began having feelings for this other man. I fought this battle in my heart and my brain for several months, as I would stop and say �what I am doing is wrong� but then I would �miss� having that friend of mine and he too would come back and contact me. I was battling my heart and had asked ---- for a trial separation, he refused me. I thought once again I could make my heart click for him � it would not because God was not yet back in our marriage � I was shoving him away.
The day that ---- sent out the letter requesting prayer for my affair that I was carrying on I was away with my daughter at a swim meet. He had sought counsel on public humiliation of cheating spouses, as I have never heard of this, and I don�t believe he handled the information correctly it opened a wide gate of hell not just for me but for ---- as well. He still stands strong by what he chose and this will be one thing that I will need to heal from the shame that he placed on me for my actions. I was angry, hurt and felt betrayed by him as he did by what I had done. I know the hurt I too was cheated on by my first husband, I know how could I be put through it one way then do it onto him � I don�t have an answer for that but God was not around us, we had shut him out. With my anger it turned to self-pity � I wanted nothing more than to kill myself I could not bare the shame of what I had done. I am a strong woman but the pity was stronger. I attempted on Sunday with my hand gun I had it to my head and then visions of me being splattered all over the car for my children to see left m shattered�but I still had not come to God for peace. Monday I drove to ****** to work and I cried and I tried to pray to God yelling my self-pity of my terrible act. nothing. I left work early because I could barely stand myself pretending to be fine. I went to my car and ---- had called and he was the last person I wanted to talk to, I hung up, so I thought. I got in my car and I had been listening to Christian Radio Station and it had someone speaking, last name of Rainey is all I can remember. He was speaking of him and his wife and how they were Christians and said they lived in a Christian home but in all reality they did not. They did not pray they did not have a relationship vertically or horizontally with our Lord Jesus Christ�He continued to speak and he mentioned his wife�s name, it was ---�. and I yelled and cursed at the radio, I said �Really GOD� That is just coincidence is it not? This gentleman had mentioned the book of Ephesians chapter 5 and I had my kindle with me (don�t do this while your driving as I did) and I opened my bible on the kindle to this chapter and began reading. I ended at Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. I felt that I too needed to end my life for my children, �why should I put my children through this shame when someone sees me they will see a cheater, a liar, a whore or insert word of your choice� �if I die, I will soon be forgotten and there will be no whispers��I drove done a lonely road to an area that had a lake I was going to drive my car into the lake as my husband took my hand gun away from me. Before I decided to take the final plunge I took a walk down a trail that was there, it was so cold on Monday afternoon. I wanted to think for a moment and remember my children and ask God to guide them at that moment I heard a voice commanding me to lay down right there it was an area with leaves and dirt but I heard it �Lay down right there� I did I could not stop crying out to God why have you punished me? I knew I had punished myself because of my choices. I went to God seeking forgiveness he forgives and he commanded me to forgive myself for the choices I made. As I laid there the wind was blowing so strong and I could feel the holy spirit moving I begged for cleansing of my soul and mind he spoke �if all things are gone in this world I will yet remain� �For those who judge you they too will be judged�. I know some will say she is crazy, I have never HEARD the voice of our LORD audibly EVER I can safely say today that I have. As I lay there and felt the wind blowing it became so still that I shuddered. But the next thing I heard was �Get up and MOVE, MOVE and go tell your husband you love him�. Move my anger Move my heart and Move my marriage is all that heard on the way home that day. I do know that God moved me and he is still moving me. I know that this is only the beginning of what his plan is for me/my marriage/my family, but I do know that the beginning with God is the BEST place I can be. All things are possible through him.
Some of you might close this up and say �wow those people are c r a z y� and that is true. But I can tell you this I shared this story with you today because I know I am not perfect and I have never claimed to be. I also know that some of you to may be suffering from being separated from our Lord Jesus, or infidelity, or addiction, or whatever it is that is keeping you from having a relationship with Christ. My story MAY or MAY not touch you but if you have read this all and wondering �why did she just share all of that?� Because God put things in my life to MOVE me and I am so thankful that I heard his voice that day because my family would still be searching for me today. I will never NEVER forget his mercy he showed me and giving me the opportunity to grow in him again.
With all of these things that have happened I pray and continue to pray that ---- and I can heal, I am and will continue to grow in the Lord. I pray for all of you. And I ask for prayer from all of you and I am so thankful for Gods Mercy.


��Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
10 your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us today our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation,[a]
but deliver us from the evil one.[b]�

Exactly. Her plan is to find out who knows so she can defuse your exposure. She can't do that unless she knows exactly who knows. Don't give away any of your battle plans, MrA.

Oh, for crying out loud. These are the rambling, drooling mumblings of a fogged-out wayward. If your WW sends this to anyone and eventually de-fogs she will cringe in shame at her words.

Her letter is nothing but a manipulation tactic. If she was truly repentant, then it would be completely different.

She is fully blaming the demise of your marriage on exposure versus her adulterous azz.

Let her send it to whomever she wants. Don't let her know your exposure list.

MA, she can send out that letter and everyone can see how fogged out she is. That is cute and winsome.

Ok, now back to the PLAN. Can we please get back to business here? Your wife is about as foggy and unrepentant as they come. You need to focus on recovering your marriage and STOP GETTING DISTRACTED WITH FOGBABBLE.

Give her your conditions and start checking around for a good polygraph tester. PLEASE stay focused on your PLAN and stop wasting our time with her fog babble.

That letter is garbage! And highly insulting to you and everyone who would receive it.

She really thinks she can make everyone believe it was only an "emotional" affair, thereby minimizing it. Garbage.

Do not reveal who you exposed to. Do not play this game.
Get focused.

Refuse to discuss exposure with her ANY FURTHER!

Get to your list of requirements, pronto.

That's about the only part of the letter that's worth a damn.

Let her send it if she wants. If it's one long paragraph like that, no one will read it.

And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do what MelodyLane just posted.

Get back on track, ok?

Mr. A,

No one cares here what your wife has to say until she says this:

"I'm sorry, what do you need me to do"

The Plan, Mr. A.

Go back to ML's list of conditions, and focus on that.

I am certain it's not easy to not get distracted, but you must stay in control and continue to stay the course. Calmly give her your list of conditions.

As ML says, focusing on her babble is like worrying about paint peeling in the girls bathroom on the Titanic. (How'd I do?)

I couldn't even get through the "letter", for Pete's sake, and all of the "I's" made my eyes bleed. Sheesh.

The gratuitous religious pandering did me in.

I'll admit I stopped when she put the word affair in quotes.

Disregard that nutty letter. She's lost at sea. You need to be the lighthouse.

High 5!

Well, I don't feel like starting a thread based on my story. It is over and I moved on. I don't want to elaborate as I don't want to t/j.
A short story is that I am a bs. 6 yrs ago, my W asked for separation and moved out. I soon found out she was having an A. I don't want to spill the details but it ended up breakup of my family with two kids(1 1/2 yr son and 6 yr daughter then) I was always a very proud man, and I just dismissed my XW as the skanky woman that did not deserve me, and left it at that. At least that was how I coped with that event. Since, I have been the primary custodian to my kids and the life has been hard as a single dad. Only recently, I realized how little I know about the psychology behind A. Also, at the same time, I began to see my contribution to the breakup of my M. So, I began my journjey of educating myself of infidelity. There are alot of regrets and whatifs looking back now. I wish I had informed myself better of what went thru my XW's mind at the time. I could have saved my M if I had known better seeking help thru these sites back then. Well, hindsight is always 20/20, they say. This is the gist of it.

I will admit I couldnt read the whole thing either, but it sounds like a typical:

I'M GOOD, YOUR BAD LETTER.


Tell her you like it but couldnt get past the third sentance. Also tell her it would be helpfull if she put in the letter what she was going to do to make things better for you and your family... How she was going to change for you, her family, and her marriage. Tell her that the letter would be better if it stated what she was going to do to earn your forgiveness. Then tell her that you love her and that all she has to do is committ to doing the things on the recovery list. God works through us, not on us.

Then tell her to print it out and give it to you and that is as far as it is going to go...

I say dont give the list....Or you will become the monster

I agree that he should not sincerely apologize for exposure. But, there are many different types of apology. The apology I meant was more like saying "I am sorry that I had to do this, but..." kind. I just feel that it is important that WW should feel connected with BH on an emotional level. But, again I do agree that he does not owe any sincere apology for exposure.

As for poly, I agree that there is alot of truth to dig, but rubbing poly on her face at this particular juncture may be too much for her. I would say, just ease off a little on it, and bring it up after a while. I was referring to the timing of demanding such, as she is terrified of how to face her colleagues at work right now.

This is rebellion.
Pure and simple.

And the other truth is ....