Nope it was me MrA. I never sent her the GIFT. I just leaked a little to my friend about my "council" & she just deduced from there it wasn't my church... all I had to do is google expose affair and this comes up #1. A lil surfin and there ya go. I am trying to get her to see at this point there are good hearted people here that want to SAVE MARRIAGES. Not destroy them. Still isn't rite with the amount of exposure i did - which wasnt 513 sorry... more like 50 and then it spread from there.

I hope to give a good update & some good news. One positive is the OM emailed her today & she called me immediately. She trashed it & didnt open. I checked trash when I saw her and then i permanently deleted it. We talked abt getting new email and a letter of NO CONTACT.

Good on ya. take this bull by the horns and pull it to the ground. Has she admitted it was a PA yet?

Mr A - if thats really you, cause I am confused.

I am gonna pick a fight maybe with some of the members here, which I don't mean to do but I want to get one point across very clearly.

Religeon is NOT a shield against an affair. One of my closest contacts on this site is currently divorcing his wife after two affairs in two years. And she was just took an office in the Catholic church.

So the church is great and all, by all means get everything you can from it if it will get you mileage, but stick to the plan here.

Also that letter, WOW. You better set that bar high cause shes one defiant woman.

Your thread is a full time job just reading, let alone the good people helping you. So don't waste the advice.

If you are negotiating this with her then, well, I give up.

I would normally say change her cell number, too, but she'll just give him the new one.

Careful with STDs and any children born. Get my drift? I wonder if the sex she had with you (you mentioned it earlier in your thread) was done because she had unprotected sex with OM and wanted to cover her bases.

I wouldn't trust her one damn bit. All the more so since she is reading your thread.

What requirements have you given her in order for her to remain with you in marriage, MrA? I can think of a few:

She takes a polygraph.
NC letter.
Counselling with Steve H. on this website.
All of her time is accounted for by you.
You control the money.

Your WW is extremely manipulative. She is extremely foggy and within a heartbeat of running back to OM. (oh yeah, almostdied, I'M TALKING TO YOU - you can run and fall down and roll around in the woods BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE.) You cannot allow her to work you and slide back in to the marriage. All of her religious-speak won't save her. She's not special-she's a typical wayward. You'll need to treat her as such.

It's likely him, but his WW (screen name 'almostdied') is reading along as well.

Apparently, Mr A's exposure was sacrilegious or something and she insists that he apologize for daring to get upset with her being an adulteress. She got a little upset, it seems, that folks didn't believe that she was the angelic creature who was merely polishing her halo when the exposure bomb went off.

Go figure, huh. A wayward in denial

Mr. A,

Back to business.

Have you given WW your conditions as laid for you time and time again by Melody?

I don't care if your wife reads or not. Good if she does. Your conditions should not change.

And, Mrs. A., go back and look at them, too.

YOU, Mrs. A., have a lot of work to do for Mr. A to even think about forgiving you and moving toward rebuilding your marriage.

Start by reading here.

And start by knocking off all of the explanations and God speak. Don't challenge the folks here with the Bible, my friend. You will lose.

Also, stop the lying about the affair just being emotional. You know that s a lie. I know that is a lie.

Once you stop lying, you'll see what you've done, and how to fix it. You can, but stop all of the crap.

That is NOT a positive. All it means is they are still in contact and the affair is still on. In order for the affair to end, ALL contact has to end. She is responsible for blocking ALL CONTACT. Until that happens, the affair is still on.

The fact that she called you is meaningless. MEANINGLESS. If she were an alcoholic and she called you every time she drank would she still be sober? Of course not. The solution is to make sure he NEVER CALLS her by changing her phone #. If she is serious she will give you her phone.

However, she is not serious. Your wife is about as a wayward as they come and is committed to blaming you for her affair.

They are still in contact. CONTACT HAS NOT ENDED.

You are still in the same place you were last week before you exposed. Contact has to end FIRST.

STEP ONE: ALL CONTACT MUST END FOR LIFE.

You can't go to Step Two until you have done STEP ONE.

He that justifieth the wicked, and he that condemneth the just, even they both are abomination to the LORD. Proverbs 17:15

[/quote]

This is really not the right approach.

Anyway, MrA, just came by to let you know we're praying for you.

Have you gotten the chance to watch that video, yet? We want to help you, and want to know what you're doing in that regard.

Seriously? You think this?
After you READ an email, there is a little button to the side of the list that says, "mark as unread". Then you simply trash the remarked email.
Did she delete her SENT folder? How about 5 min after she recieved the OM email?

I am sorry you are going thru this. You seriously need to look at the type of WW you are dealing with, here.

>> Edit to add: I know pretty much all WS seem pretty much the same, denial, lies, distrust and drama. Maybe your WW is not so unusual after all. But after reading the letter she posted here, trying to manipulate an entire online community of marriage builders, I seriously question her ability to even be able to identify truth.
Has she tried her hand at non fiction?

I am so angry at the manipulation, I should not comment about your WW.

As others have suggested, this isn't positive.

Also note, one can read an e-mail, then mark it unread, making it appear it's not yet been opened.

She needs a new e-mail address, and she can tell folks who have a legitimate need for the new address the new address.

Then set the password to the old account to something only YOU know and you can check it for her, forwarding any legitimate mail to her.

If anything legitimate comes like credit card bills or what not, you can change addresses for that service as you notice traffic arriving in the old account.

Mr A,

Well it's been a busy day for you and your wife, but as each day passes she will start to see things a little straighter and more realistic.
I remember the first two weeks it was like nothing or no one matter to my husband except him and his OW of course and then he started to see what he had done to the other part of his life, me his boys, his work, his friends, his reputation....the OW's husband, her children.........
He was witnessing what harm he had caused and the pain he had inflicted on the people that were close to him and the pain innocent children now were facing because of him...........Slowly he understood the whole situation as to what it really was one big lie to be selfish...........
That took a bit of time to get to..........once that fantasy world is broken and the reality of what is really happening hits it's a different story and you have to look at that fantasy life and really see it for what it is........
It wasn't nice for him, lots of manipulation and lies on the OW's part, she actually slept with both of them for a while...........he was devastated, almost comical though, what did he expect........truth......
The point is she is angry right now because she would have to realistic look at herself and the OM and she knows she is not going to like what she sees....
So she stays angry at you, it's easier.........just don't react just keep saying you did what you had to do to save your marriage and family.
and let her take the time to see the reality of her choices for herself, you and your family......
Let her process it, if that is what she choses to believe then that is her choice but she will have to live with that when she thinks of her family and the type of relationship she has with them.....
You stay calm but firm, you show yourself as strong, a man with honesty and integrity.......
Patience is the key now, let her process ........

There used to be a saying "you can't BS a BS'er".

Maybe it should be altered..
You can't BS a MBer.

Mr. A, please hang in there and keep posting. You are in for a bumpy ride. Listen to the overwhelming advice you have been given.

Understand that people here have seen/heard/played/been played all this WW stuff (fog babble) many times over.
They can and will help you.

MA-

Your wife seemed to be near a point where you and she could start the next step in the MB process, but that email.

NO CONTACT means just that. She should have by now:

Turned off her Facebook page
Changed her cell phone number
Changed all of her email addresses
Taken his address out of her GPS
Written OM an F-off letter

A wife as on shaky recovery ground as yours surely was dumped back into the fog by even the most innocuous email.

Please use religion as your way to ground yourself, but use MB for saving your marriage. There is nothing holy going on between your wife and her OM. She has chosen an unrighteous path and MB is the better way for glory.

Thank you for prayers markos. I need all I can going up. I have watched the video. Suggested that she did too so she can be introduced to MB.

I scheduled an appt with a counselor for her tmo so she can talk to someone and help stabilize. She still is struggling and feeling worthless and I would not like the suicidal talk to come back again like yesterday after she read the comment comparing rape and infidelity. She thinks everyone is still out to pass judgement upon her, yet all I've heard from friends is that they are here for both of us and our children to help out and see us remain together.

I reassured her MB helps - just look at the vast amount of traffic and programs and etc. I hope you are on here perusing my dear.

She really needs to quit focusing on everyone else's opinions about her and start focusing on the damage she's done to you and to your marriage and to the covenant you and her have with God.

Everyone's opinions really don't matter. The only opinion that really matters is yours.

Yes, infidelity is emotional rape of your spouse. There is nothing worse that you can do to your spouse.

But Mrs. A, you have a husband willing to forgive. So stop the bullcrap drama, put on your big girl pants, own up to your mistakes, and start rebuilding your marriage.