In this are a cow prod is acceptable... lol. The more I push, the deeper I feel her feet get dug in. I ( we ) need her to pick up her feet and start the journey.....one step at a time. What is it? "Every journey begins with a single step". She needs to take steps, 2,3,4 and ect...... Without looking back to see how far we have come or haven't come....

I'm on my 6 month plan, reevaluate then.....until then.... One step, one hour, one day, one week, one month at a time......never looking back.

I don't have much to add. She does seem to have a very weak "character". She does not know how to control her feelings even when she know what is the right thing to do. Expect to be in a long haul for this.

I know my wife is nuts right now, but she used to say " when nothing works, do nothing".
My interpretation you need to play more... go to lunch,dinner,breakfast.....can u tell I love food. Take her for coffee/tea, buy her flowers. Make her feel like the only one in the room.
I know it seems backass but sometimes there are gottadoos, you know what I mean? Find what works and work it.... we all know you are tired, she is tired too.
I believe neither of you want to give up, you r just stuck...
It gets better! Make ua abundant

Thanks TTFG.

Patience is tested every day.

Question !!! Vet's....

Today was different.....

As I rolled over in bed and began to touch her gently, she says "that's just gonna make me mad" .... I wasn't looking for SF, just a gentle touch and a kiss.... I thought, but did not say..... "Make you mad, me touching you makes you made..... How the F do you think I feel knowing OM ..@&$$&@ ...".

I got up and got dresses for the day.

So much movement forward, now a step back.

Question: Is this where I stop holding my thoughts and just say what I'm thinking? I don't want to keep bringing up the PA or OM?

Vets.....

PORH.....when should that start? I'm sure she is still foggy....I'm sure she thinks of him...

See my previous question... Is that part of PORH?

TTS,

Take this as a grounding thought; it is not unusual for WW's to "weaponize" SF and AF with their AP. In these cases, the physical component is prostitution, with the payment being Conversation, affection, admiration, or what ever Emotional Needs the AP met.

Considering this, focus on being the better cake, and what you can give her that her AP never could.

Well, you could have asked something along the lines of "why would me trying to show you that I love you make you mad?"

Or maybe explain what the intent was, and that her response was inappropriate. I don't think it is out of line to remind her that reconciliation means her working too.

CV

Tough week.....

Phrases like, "Your in my personal space" have caused triggers of what she would say before D-Day. I am doing all I can to be the "good" person, be a gentleman, but I need a WIFE not a friend. We are friends at this point, it has only been 4 month, but I see little change. I am more and more pessimistic that she knows ( and I have told her ) how to meet my EN.

Thought run wild of leaving or becoming a wayward myself.....I have control for now. I am taking EP and do not leave home alone. This sucks. There seems to be no sign of peace in my mind.

ugh. Tex, Hang in there brother.have you told her this week that you need a wife and not a friend? As far as becoming a WH, remember everyone you will be affecting, including yourself. You are in a tough patch, but they don't last forever. Keep working your EPs.

How can we help you have some peace?

CV

All....

She read my post while I was at a church event. She told me I haven't been honest her about my feelings. I responded with, "I am trying to keep a positive attitude while we work on things.". As I asked last week, 4 months into this, is it time for me to stop with the soft gloves and just tell her how I feel evrytime I feel something? Dr H says be overly kind, say nothing negative....but this is killing me. Her saying "I'm trying" is wearing thin. I am an advocate of there is not try, only do or do not. And she has been a Do Not, for 4 months with my EN.

Sorry to vent, but I want and need help. Should I ask her to start her own thread now that she has read mine?

Sure tell her to stay off your thread and start her own

She should be aware though that people will be brutally honest with her

You might have had issues that helped make an affair easy but it is still no excuse

Having her read your feelings and fears no doubt set you back. She was not ready to hear them so she got defensive

Happens all the time when couples read each others thread

Maybe after a good deal of time passes you could do this, but it still will be painful, but full of remorse instead of defensiveness

This site teaches us to act the way we should, and then the feelings will follow

We just gotta agree with what's right, real, and responsible to one another, and that first not last

If she starts her own thread, let her be prepared for change, and honest truth also, that will be liberating in the long run, and is about abundance, not loss of freedom

Thanks CP.... I will suggest this site to her.

CV.... What can I say. Once again you give me hope. Thanks for the response. Why is fear the worst feeling? Probably because most fears are unfounded, unrealistic or just impossible. I thank you and everyone here for the help. She did come to church, but later. I was on the set up, tear down crew.....one of my many duties at church functions. I'm pulling back on those until we are right and have met our 15-20 hours.

Double dating tomorrow ( doesn't count ) but should be fun, and a date this weekend are already on the books. I know the thoughts of leaving are a trick the mind plays, I just need to say them somewhere so someone can give me a "slap" across the face and send me back to work.

God Bless.

I suggested she start her own thread, but she thinks this is too weird. She doesn't like that I have given all the details ( bc she read them ) or that I vent my frustrations to total strangers. I just said that I need support and I get that from this site. I mentioned that she should not read my thread, and she took that to mean, I would say negative things about her. I just smiled and said, I love you, I want to help us have a better marriage....why would I go through this just to bash you to strangers. Start your own thread, or just read others....you will see the support we all get here. Group therapy from our living room, and at no cost.

I am so thankful for the time and support everyone here has given me. I will keep you posted as our recovery moves ever so slowly forward.

Thanks All....

Tex, this is for your wife.

Dear Mrs Tex,


It is a little weird here. We tend to be a weird bunch. One thing we all have in common is a shared tragedy. I'm on one side of the fence and my wife is on another. Been where you guys are at. Most all of us have. We share our stories, we are anonymous to a degree... But we are here to support each other because we know what it's like and the guy who started this place helped us all a lot. His counseling works. We aren't a cult (though I do take paypal on occasion ) but we are kinda like a big family in a way.

One thing you should know is that we are all rooting for you. We want you to succeed! We won't let tex disrespect you. Promise... Give it a try. if you don't like it, sign off. No harm no foul. Wadda ya say?

CV

T2S, your wife coming here is (IMHO) a "high-risk, low reward" proposition at this time.

You know her: we don't. Is she the kind of person who would have the self-control never to post anything doubtful of the MB practices, or self-justifying in any way? You and I as FBSs get treated with comradeship and support when we go "off-message" like that. Too easily, a severely suffering BS would quickly respond to a FWS with a dart about, "what do you expect, you're a WAYWARD!", and any good your FWW might have garnered will likely be undone (personal history from another site).

And once that toothpaste is squeezed out of her tube, there ain't no putting it back!

All of this is my opinion, you understand.

Yeah NG, many unrepentant people come here with an attitude, but many still , want direction from others who have guts, conviction, and direction that cannot be swayed or driven off.

This Is a unique place, as it is anonymous but people here are not just mindless zealots afraid of being alone, they are many who KNOW that they are, and are responsible for thier own actions and relationships

To those that want to challenge that Fact, many of us will take up that challenge, and those that do not have the stomach for it, will eventually leave

But not before hearing from some of the most honest people on the Internet who will not back down on this position

"Love others as you love yourself" , and might I add,, also learn about love, what it is in the natural, and what it is beyond the natural, in the supernatural, and all that is in it's good and bad

Yeah it can be a. Challenge to some, and it might scare some off, but it can be respected as real

I hope they choose real, and stick around, but it's up to them,, if they arecstrong enough

Thanks everyone,

She probably isn't coming here anytime soon. I'm not pushing it on her....but I did tell her this is my safe place to vent, ask questions, and get support.

I don't know where I would be without the help and advise ihave received here.

God Bless all.