Okay, sabre, what is your question?

You're good here, doll.

Just read as much as you post. And, calm down and breathe. Easy to say, but you gotta.

Take a moment and calm down.

Thanks, its been really hard trying not to fall apart, damn cant believe this is happening to me.

Exactly. What is the question you have? How can we help you?

You have ears here.

Tell us what's going on.

And, you are NOT going to fall apart. Know that right now.

Since it looks like he still has feelings for her like you said has not fired her, should I even bother? She is telling him to kick me out telling everyone at his work that he is her husband and they can get a bigger house. I am worried now that everything he says is a lie that I am wasting my life how will I ever know they are not seeing each other she has nothing to loose.

If you have to ask this question, NO. You shouldn't bother.

PLEASE!! NO personal attacks!!

If you feel you can help with constructive Marriage Builders advice,,,please do so.

It seems like things are pretty hopeless, his actions are so conflicting from what he is telling me. I when I really sit and think about all this I realize that she is not wife material but does not want to loose her or me. Using us both, I guess that's why she and I are both a mess.

**edit** What did I miss?

Please email JustUss or hit notify for questions concerning moderation. Thank you for your cooperation.

WOW,

This got heated quickly. Cooler heads need to prevail here.....

What have you asked him to do? Where is he sleeping? How old are each of you, how long have you been married, any children, when did you find out???

We need to know certain questions.

I am sorry you are here, but there are people here who want to help. Some of the advise will seem tough, because tough is what you need. If you want to get your marriage back, if you want to end the pain, then hard work is what it will take.

Read others stories, yours is not unique. We all have either felt what you feel or were the cause.

Keep posting. Keep working. Don't give up hope.

We are both in our forties, he is sleeping at home we have three grown children that still live at home but work. We have been married for 25 years. I found out who it was a month ago, he got all scared and cut it off with her since than she has been driving us nuts. I suspected something was going on about 5 years ago but had no proof, he was home on time, but was not interested in sex, and acted kinda suspicious, hiding phone and going out to buy stuff and bringing nothing home. I never thought it was a prostitute never crossed my mind.


Things got worse last year than I got snooping went to his work to take him for lunch and met her she was outside on the loading dock. I did not know she was the one, a really rough and tumble girl swears a lot, but seemed nice to me. After that all hell broke loose he want to stop it but she says she is in love I worry that he is too. I don't want to throw in the towel on my marriage I just don't know how to get her out of our lives.

Sabre,

She is a prostitute.

They use people for money.


Do not for one minute believe that she is doing anything else except using your husband for money. Period.


Believe that everything she says is a lie. Anything you "hear" about her, anything you "hear" that she has said or done, is a lie.

Anything your husband says is also a lie, until you have evidence that proves something different.


Waywards lie. They lie to the betrayed spouse. They lie to employers. They lie to EACH OTHER. They are lying liars who lie. Add to that, this woman is a prostitute - they make a living lying to men!!!

Do not make one single decision based on anything your husband SAYS. Look only at what he does.

Install a key logger on your computer at the house. Get onto the Spying thread on this forum for ideas on how to track him, and gather information on what he is doing, so you have EVIDENCE of what is happening, so you are not blindsided by anything he says or does.

Read up on Plan A - this is your best defense at this point in the affair. Besides the fact that this OW is a prostitute, there is nothing unique about this affair. You can save your marriage if you want to.

All waywards lie. They have to, if they are to have an affair. It is their way of life.

You are in the right place for support.


Read the Basic Concepts, and the information here on infidelity.

You are not going crazy - your feelings are normal, and to be expected given the situation you face.

Try to stay calm. Read the threads here and get some ideas on how to handle your WH.

We ask questions in order to figure out where you are in your marriage. Why? Because if you were 20 years old, with no kids, and have only been married two months, we would advise you to file for divorce. If you were married for 10 years, with 4 kids, and were 35 years old, the situation is different - wouldn't you agree?

If your husband had a long string of hiring prostitutes, and this was his 6th affair, our advice might be different than if he had never done anything like this before.

If you had an affair two months ago, and your husband did this now, would our advice be different? Sure.

So we ask questions because we need to know - not because we are nosy. We want to help you - we take lots of our time here to help other people who are in situations that we have faced in our own lives.

MB helped me in a time of dire crisis. I pay back that help by posting when I am able - I hope to help others facing exactly what I faced, which was the shock and devastation of yet ANOTHER affair in my marriage.

Please, help us help you, Sabre. You can be as angry as you want at your husband. If you don't like a particular poster, there is a way for you to block a poster from you. Look for that (I have not personally used it).

SB

Sabre,

Do you understand WS lie! Mine lied to me for 7 months, before I found hard evidence. We are working towards recovery, but I have put in place every precaution I can.

You need a plan.... I will let the vets start a plan for you. But wishing or hoping is not a plan. Your WH is fogged over right now, and you need a plan to lift that fog.

Good luck. Keep posting.

Ok after a good cry, I pulled myself together and used your advise. I dried my tears and said in a firm voice that he had to fire her. No contact, no taking her love letters, no phone calls nothing. I also told him I would have an investigator take her picture and show his parents and family, our kids, everyone what he is playing with and throwing our marriage away for. I have had enough I cant live in limbo. She wants me to get angry enough at him to move out so she can have the house. Hell no I told him I will take the house an sue him for putting my life in harms way by having sex with a hairoin addicted prostitute and unprotected sex at that. Well lets see what Monday brings, I am now watching him like a hawk to see if he slips up and contacts her this weekend. Thanks for the advice.

I also told him I would have an investigator take her picture and show his parents and family, our kids, everyone what he is playing with and throwing our marriage away for. I have had enough I cant live in limbo.

You might have forewarned him with this. It is better to expose this yourself, before he has the chance to tell his family that you have gone crazy. Do not talk with him about this and about your plans and about this website anymore. In war it is better not to tell your opponent what you are up to. You don't want him and her to send all of their troops to omaha beach, do you?

Maky sure you gather enough tangible evidence to expose, so that he can't undo your succes by stating you have gone mad. Also this will help you in case he wants to divorce you.

God bless you in this difficult time,
Happyheart

I also told him I would have an investigator take her picture and show his parents and family, our kids, everyone what he is playing with and throwing our marriage away for. I have had enough I cant live in limbo.

You might have forewarned him with this. It is better to expose this yourself, before he has the chance to tell his family that you have gone crazy. Do not talk with him about this and about your plans and about this website anymore. In war it is better not to tell your opponent what you are up to. You don't want him and her to send all of their troops to omaha beach, do you?

Maky sure you gather enough tangible evidence to expose, so that he can't undo your succes by stating you have gone mad. Also this will help you in case he wants to divorce you.

God bless you in this difficult time,
Happyheart

Your right never thought of that, so rule is what just do it not say anything, makes sense. I have days where divorce my be the better option maybe its just stupid and crazy of me to want to fix this mess.

Oh almost forgot about your post on not telling him about this web site, he has no idea that I am asking for advice doubt he is even snooping he so worried about covering up his stuff.

Sabregray, he has to stop seeing her at work. This will never work as long as they see each other at work. You have to DEMAND that he end all contact with her. He either fires or he leaves the job. But this will never work unless all contact ends. Spying on him is futile if you already know he is going to work every day to see her.

If he won't fire her or leave the job, you will have to ask him to move out.