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Are there any men out there that feel they have successfully recoverd from a WW? I just don't know how long I can and will have to endure these feelings of insecurity, doubt, and resentment.
WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery
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Ok, a lot of questions and comments and I'll try to address them all.
-Yes, she works 12 hour shifts, 3 days a week, always night shift, so I give her a day to recover
-I told her to plan, she knows what my expectations are, use the time which is best for her, I can't take the rejection anymore of her telling me no.
-I didn't give her a polygraph, my counselor and spiritual advisor strongly recommended not doing that even though she had agreed to it. I don't think it would matter anymore, the conspiring to destroy my life and daugters too knowingly or unknowingly is almost the worst I could imagine. At this point I'm all in on working towards recovery. I told her if she's still lying to me, she can explain that to God when she gets there.
I ordered the 5 steps to romantic love tonight and she agreed to do the workbook.
I set up an appointment to vent to my counselor about my resentment, since Dr. H clearly says that bringing up affair is a LB. She wore something Wednesday that was a trigger for me and I let it all out. Definitely didn't feel like meeting EN's and I was chock full of angry outbursts. She threw away the outfits.
Thoughts? Many a BH have requested their WW's get rid of all the clothing their WW wore for the OM. If you knew that WW had articals that she wore for the OM you should not wait to tell her to remove those triggers but tell WW on Dday.
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I set up an appointment to vent to my counselor about my resentment, since Dr. H clearly says that bringing up affair is a LB. Can you define what you think bringing up the A means? If there are things that you still need from your wife, you need to write it all down, think it through for a day and then present her with the requests, respectfully. This is NOT the same as bringing up the affair.... This is cleaning out the triggers and cleaning out the wounds. It's necessary unless you both want to continue on in crippled fashion. Please cut yourself a little slack, you are at the 6 month anger stage that the majority of BS's go through.... As the road has said, asking WW to get rid of clothing is a reasonable request. The reason you triggered is due to the fact that you have waited for 6 months before making this request, and instead of it being a respectful request, it happened as a Love Buster.
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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I set up an appointment to vent to my counselor about my resentment, since Dr. H clearly says that bringing up affair is a LB. Can you define what you think bringing up the A means? If there are things that you still need from your wife, you need to write it all down, think it through for a day and then present her with the requests, respectfully. This is NOT the same as bringing up the affair.... This is cleaning out the triggers and cleaning out the wounds. It's necessary unless you both want to continue on in crippled fashion. Please cut yourself a little slack, you are at the 6 month anger stage that the majority of BS's go through.... As the road has said, asking WW to get rid of clothing is a reasonable request. The reason you triggered is due to the fact that you have waited for 6 months before making this request, and instead of it being a respectful request, it happened as a Love Buster. Thanks for restating it in a much better way.
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Ummm...I had asked her to get rid of anything that would remind me or her of what had happened a week after I found out. She didn't think about the outfits that she had worn.
I know my WW says she is happier now than she has ever been in her life, since I've been meeting her EN's. I know my DD is happy. Sometimes though, I doubt what I'm doing, that I didn't make the right decision for myself, that there will always be this dark cloud hanging over my head and I don't know if I can endure it.
WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery
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Posts: 230
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just an observation I made today. Of the 1.1 million posts on the SAA forum, roughly 25% make it over to recovery. I hope a can see this through.
WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery
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IP,
I know my WW says she is happier now than she has ever been in her life, since I've been meeting her EN's.
Are you sure your WW wasn't emailed a script from my WW? That's exactly what my W says, it's almost like happy Women no longer need sex. They don't have to use sex as currency so they don't.
that there will always be this dark cloud hanging over my head and I don't know if I can endure it
I think that is because deep down you know you do not have the full truth, and this will keep you from enjoying your marriage at the same level your W does.
The affair was much more physical then she has let on which kills her attraction for you, but she is willing to allow that because her other needs are being met almost perfectly. Your decision not to polygraph will allow this to go on for years.
God Bless
Gamma
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just an observation I made today. Of the 1.1 million posts on the SAA forum, roughly 25% make it over to recovery. I hope a can see this through. IP, you can't judge the Recovery forum as showing the percentage that are in recovery. I have not posted on this forum much, but I am in recovery as of May 2011. I think that there are other who have been in recovery much longer than I (such as MelodyLane, princessmeggy, maritalbliss...lots of others) who have never had threads in Recovery, but they are doing really well in recovery.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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just an observation I made today. Of the 1.1 million posts on the SAA forum, roughly 25% make it over to recovery. I hope a can see this through. just an observation I made today. Of the 1.1 million posts on the SAA forum, roughly 25% make it over to recovery. I hope a can see this through. Numbers don't lie Liar's use numbers to lie Soap company's make soap with lye Come to MB and learn about lying Omission and comission Thing is you're not lying However that's due to you being confused by the numbers here There are many forums to post on here Most post on SAA here So most never post threads on the other forums here Most start here Recovery here Divorce here So just because you see less posts in the recovery that does not mean that most of those that come to MB don't recover here There is no MB law that says you must use the certain forums for different stages.
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just an observation I made today. Of the 1.1 million posts on the SAA forum, roughly 25% make it over to recovery. I hope a can see this through. Well, my thread is here, BH's thread is on SAA. And we're nowhere near "In Recovery," and quite possibly headed to D, but I can't quite bring myself to move over there yet. PS - Road, you made me think of my favorite statistics quote: There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
FWW
"Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough." ~ Earl Wilson
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just an observation I made today. Of the 1.1 million posts on the SAA forum, roughly 25% make it over to recovery. I hope a can see this through. Well, my thread is here, BH's thread is on SAA. And we're nowhere near "In Recovery," and quite possibly headed to D, but I can't quite bring myself to move over there yet. PS - Road, you made me think of my favorite statistics quote: There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.   
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Are there any men out there that feel they have successfully recoverd from a WW? I just don't know how long I can and will have to endure these feelings of insecurity, doubt, and resentment. I seriuosly doubt it. Anyone who says otherwise is not being honest or got amnesia. I'm here 15 months after D-Day and I can tell you that I still have BIG problems with the sex part of her cheating. Big problems! It will probably end our marriage or I will remain unhappy for years until the kids are on their own.
Last edited by unhappybs; 10/24/11 08:39 AM.
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One of my graduate level statistic courses had us read a book, "How to lie with statistics." It was quite fascinating!!!
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Are there any men out there that feel they have successfully recoverd from a WW? I just don't know how long I can and will have to endure these feelings of insecurity, doubt, and resentment. There have been more than a few that I've seen recovery their marriages. Mr Wondering, BigKahuna, Mark1952, Mortarman, Etc... These are just a few success stories that I can think of off the top of my head..... There are many others!
Last edited by HerPapaBear; 10/24/11 03:19 PM.
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Try this link for some helpful hints; Link to managing memories
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Too early in recovery to can count me in, PapaBear?
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Too early in recovery to can count me in, PapaBear? IMVHO, it's never to early.... It's good to hear you feel recovery has been successful! 
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Went to see counselor today without my wife. Went very well and came out feeling better. Talked about my need for SF and how the topic keeps coming up because we're not meeting the goal that we agreed on. She said "you've come to an agreement, the ball is in her court, she knows what you expect and she knows what is at stake. Continue to meet her needs and see what happens. Nobody likes to be told on a weekly basis how poorly they are performing."
Another thing that has been bothering me is that I found out last week that I have to deploy for a year next Sept. Talk about bad timing.
WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery
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Are there any men out there that feel they have successfully recoverd from a WW? I seriuosly doubt it. Anyone who says otherwise is not being honest or got amnesia. If you're doing it right, two years after starting a recovery program you really shouldn't find yourself thinking of the affair, and against all reason you'll largely trust your spouse again. No amnesia here. Clear memory of the pain of her affair. Got through it, don't think about it except when I visit here. She's doing a great job meeting most of my needs. Would drop divorce papers on her without a second thought if I ever found her doing it again, though.
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that's good to hear brother
WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery
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