Moving will help, so, so much.

Not really sure what to do. Crossroads.

Hope so........ Hanging my hat on this.... But then get pissed off with him all over again.....

Struggling today.....bother...thought I was on the mend.
Found out that the OW lied to me at school which is why I was banned. Why do people still believe her? She seems to have gained support and that drives me nuts.

Oh Hun,
just as things seem to be getting better you get another huge trigger. But I like the way the tone has changed from the poor me it was to frustration that I see above!

Yes moving will help but I do understand that it isn't that easy.

Focus on the fact that when push came to shove, she just wasn't worth the hassle to him, that he made the decision to stay, and that can't have been easy given that everyone knows what he did and the cost of it all to him, personally and professionally.

She is not worth the time of day, she is just bitter and twisted as she got kicked to the kerb.

Now smile, paint your toes and focus on your fabby holiday to SA....a shopping trip?

Hugs ((((AEK))))

i just feel he is making the effort.....he used to do things for her that he never does for me. Presents, text messages etc. I don;t even get a reassuring hug when I am down. I have tried but I am beat.

Meant to say....isn't making the effort......

Been reading your thread from when you first got here.

Put the focus on your healing. Take up a new hobby, get some exercise. You seem to be unable to take a step forward.

You know why your daughter wrote that email? You can't move on and she knows it and she's trying to defend and lash out FOR you. Her actions are a reflection of the space you're stuck in. It is affecting everyone around you.

Stop looking at what everyone else around you is doing and start taking some responsibility for your own healing.

You tend to wallow from what I've observed and from my experience of wallowing, nothing moves or changes from that space. If you're done than take action but hanging out in this misery is hard to watch so I can't even imagine what it's like for your family.

Sorry if this sounds harsh.

How about making yourself into a woman that your husband finds irresistible? It must be hellish for everyone to have to tip toe around your wounded-ness. I understand that you've been stabbed in the heart but how long are you going to lord this over everyone around you?

What can you do today to help yourself feel better? Start there and stop expecting everyone around to live and breathe your pain with you. I'm sorry to say, it is NOT attractive to be around someone who cannot stop lamenting and obsessing over their wounds.

You're holding your family hostage with your pain. Do you see that?

I really hope you are kidding about THIS. You do realize that the best thing for this poster to do is get OW out of her life for GOOD right? That the triggers about OW are what keep this poster in constant pain.

Your advice would be like telling a person who had been shot to stop bleeding all over the floor without even closing up the wound. REALLY

I stand by what I wrote here. Sorry if it bothers you.

AEK has had a very hard time implementing the advice of many of the posters here in terms of limiting contact with OW and their mutual friends. In fact, at times, she's had an insatiable curiosity about the OW despite the pleading of MANY to stop this behavior.

For a long time, she resisted the idea of moving away, etc. Even now, they are planning on moving away 9 months from now. Why not sooner?

It's hard to listen to someone complain for months and months and not see much action to change it.

I get it that she is bleeding on the floor but at some point she needs to get up and start working on healing it instead of hoping/wishing/belly aching.

At some point it becomes similar to the people who write off their failures because they were abused as children or whatever. A lot of us have experienced abuse and we work on it and go on.

AEK needs to move forward in whatever capacity she chooses and part of that is about falling back in love with herself and her life. When that happens, she will be irresistible to her husband. Perhaps it will be too late for him to enjoy the reborn AEK but one thing is certain, she will be loving life again and that's what it comes down to.

And I still stand by what I wrote. Telling a poster that they need to become an amazing wife, and stop bellyaching isn`t going to help. She needs to be encouraged to move away, and stay away from OW.

FWIW, I also don`t think you are sorry at all if it bothers anyone. IF you don`t want to watch someone waffle, you can choose to stop posting to her.

Just offering a little tough love because all the compassion and understanding doesn't seem to be moving AEK out of her stuckness.

We all agree on her getting away from the triggers. My approach is just a little rougher than yours.

And to think, many a time I have been accused of being too hard on a poster.

Just found the post insensitive. Kind of like people IRL saying, `Get over it and move on.`

There's no getting over it. We all know that but the betrayed can move forward and live again. You're a prime example of this. Not trying to rile you up, Scotty.

ps. never said she needs to become an amazing wife. I'm not even talking about her marriage. I'm trying to get her to see that there are actions SHE can take to change her situation and that doing so will probably make her irresistible to her husband. By then, she might not want him anymore AND she'll feel strong enough and confident enough to forge a life without him.

Thank you and point taken. I`m not even close to riled up yet. I am passionate about things, and it tends to come across.

LOL that made me smile guys!!

I agree with both of you (this fence is comfortable) but Zibbles does have a point, moving forward is just that. Moving forward.

AEK the OW in your life has taken a huge role in your life. Is she really worth all this energy? My counsellor asked me this Q and it took me ages to work out what she meant but I worked on me. I built up me and my own confidence. I get it now, there are more important things in my life than the ginger minger. I had new friends, new stuff I did/do. t

I made me and us the focus, not me and her and him.

Someone said that resentment is allowing someone to live rent free in your head. I would not give her the steam off my s**t ........

so she ain't living rent free in my head!!

Choose